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  1. #1
    drakethe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help with coworker!

    hey guys, I just found out about the PUA community about two months ago after I got out of a long relationship, so I'm a newbie at this. There is this HB who was my coworker that I've been trying to ask out on a date. We've been working together for about one year. And when we were working together she seems really flirtatous and nice to me. At that time I had a girlfriend so I didn't pay her much attention. After I broke up with my girlfriend, this HB constantly flirted with me. She saids things like "are you checking me out?" I wasn't. Or she joking bump her ass at me when I wasn't paying attention, and she would always find reason to talk to me. One time, she invited me to a bar with her and her friends. when we went to the bar, she said she has a crush on the bar tender and decided to go talk to him. I feel kind of awkward sitting there without anyone to talk to because her friend kind of form there own group, so I decided to initiate a conversation with one of her friend. We really hit it off, and her friend seems to really enjoy my attention. But then HB came back and decided to chat with me. And she seems to be very flirtatous with me again. We even held hands (that was the first time I held her hand). She kept constantly asking me how her hair look. And at the time, I was really into her so I told her that she look really hot. She ask me three time how her hair look and I answer that she look really hot 3 times. she also ask me to watch her bag when she went to the restroom and I did. My question is, is she testing me or something? Is it some kind of chick test(about watching her bag, and her asking me is she hot)? The reason I ask is that she seems to be colder now. I ask her several time to go hang out (because I didn't want to ask her on a date yet. I want to go slow). But she always have an excuse not to go. Did she loose interest? and if she did, is there a way to salvage this? I'm really into this girl so I need help guy. Another questions I have is does Push Pull really work? I'm afraid of doing that because it seems kind of rude. She might be offended. I'm new at this and I'm not very familiar with the technique so it might be disasterous if I try it. Any suggestion on how to get her interested again. thanks

  2. #2
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with coworker!

    well actually she already seems into you a little bit but what you need to do is get her to want to pay attention to you and get to know her. You dont have to use openers or approach. So jump right into getting to know her and using dhv stories and using Kino Escalation. I would first say get her to come out with you and do something active. She seems to have plenty of energy and likes to have fun. I would suggest indoor rock climbing. Personally i find this activity my favorite cause it does a lot. F

    First off, it builds trust and makes her feel comfortable cause she depends on you not to drop her. Ok so if she has never done it you can teach her. If you dont know, go do it sometime or find out online. So when she decides she wants to climb you can come up from behind, put your arms around her and show her how to tie the knot to her harness. This allows you to get close and she will be thinking a little sexual about you. This causes sexual tension. Then when she is climbing just talk to her and keep her calm if she is nervous and then joke around. maybe not worry her but when she gets to the top she is suppose to say take so i take the slack on the rope and then i can say something like. Oh sexy you can take me anytime.

    Ok another thing this activity will do is that its active just in case you cant keep an amazing conversation with her the entire time.

    Ok and then once you guys get a little tired a need a break she will usually want to talk or something like this. This is where you can use games to understand who she is and the type of girl she is. One game i like to play is the cube game. Look it up on youtube. or if that doesnt work for you or you want something else to go with it. I use a ring routine. Basically if your targets has some rings on you ask her if she wants to have some fun. she usually say what. make up a story about how a friend is into history and psychology and that he is doing a cool study. Tell them that back in ancient greek times, people used to wears rings on certain fingers to pay hommage to certain gods. After a long time of this, it actually got programmed into our subconcious mind and now wearing rings on certain fingers show traits of your personality. Thumb = posiedon= boring and not much fun: Index=zeus=controlli ng and wears the pants" middle=bakus(god of wine)= party wild girls: ring=aphrodite=god of passion and love: pinky=aries=god of war. Basically what you want to do and take her hand and as your explaining this story just touch her hand playfully and do things basically to get her a little turned on or just focused on you. Then as your going through it be playful and tease her a lot. But not harsh teasing just something fun. lets say she has one on her index finger, i might say "a ring on this finger means you are much like the god zeus (god of gods) and zeus is very dominate and very controlling and i cant tell that you seem like a girl who wears the pants in the relationship and that why is wouldnt work out between us, im a pants guy, you cant wear the pants".

    Finally, the Number Close after being playful, flirty, teasing her and making her laugh you want to leave on a high note and get her number. What usually works is, ok well i really i have to but you seem so fun and interesting. Can i get your number and ill text you to go out, as long as you dont control me to do everything you want Zeus. Still keep being playful and then hand her your phone and tell her to put it in. One thing i like to do is just say, ok well im going to give ur phone a call so u know my number and we dont get that awkward start cause you dont know who i am.

    ok so she seems like a very fun girl. What you want to do is have lots of fun be get plenty of sexual tension going cause she will just think about taking you right there in front of everyone. But make sure you dont mess up or make it awkward. Some girls will have sex and feel awkward. Make sure that you make her not feel like a slut that she slept with you fast or anything. Make sure you ensure her emotional side so she will continue dating her and maybe get a relationship with this girl. She sounds like an amazing girl
    Last edited by crobinson1; 04-15-2010 at 02:16 AM.

  3. #3
    drakethe is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with coworker!

    Hey thanks crobinson1, I will try doing what you said next time. She actually invited me to a bar with her and her friends yesterday before I read your post. The same thing happened again. When we got to the bar, she hanged out at our table for awhile and then she went to mingle with other people in the bar. She seems to know alot of guys for some reason. So i started chatting to this really hot friends of her. She about 5'9 and taller than me. I'm only 5'7. I didn't think I had a chance with her. I just wanted to make conversation with someone. I did the cube with her, and she seems like she was having fun. As the evening progresses, she seems to be more and more into me. I don't know what I did. I was just talking and joking around with her. She was laughing at my joke and constantly put her hands on me. It really gave me confident that maybe I do have a littel game I guess. But the thing is that this girl has a boyfriend and I didn't want to mess up anyone's relationship so I didn't try anything with her, and I'm alittle scare of trying anything. When the HB saw me having fun with her friends she came back and talk to us. I think she got jealous of me having fun with her friend. Because she started to flirt with me more and joke about sex with me. And she sat next to me the whole night without leaving my side. I guess my paying attention to other girls is the key to get her to be interested in me. Anyway, thanks I will ask the HB out next week and try your suggestion. By the way, I have several other questions. I have no problem starting a conversation with someone but how do I transition into a dhv when I open? I usually open with an indirect opener. When they finished answering the question, how do I transition and continue the conversation with them? My other question is that you're not supposed to telegragh too much interest when you meet a girl but what if she's your girlfriend already, are you still supposed to not telegraph interest? you loose prizability when you telegraph too much interest right? How are you supposed to act around her? Any advice is welcome. thanks guys

  4. #4
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with coworker!

    ok well im glad you saw what she did against you talking to other girls. Ill actually tell you why this is. ITS BECAUSE THE TYPE OF GIRL SHE IS. when you have time you should check out my post about the pandoras box and cold reading. its absolutely amazing. but ok ill give you the entire analysis about this girl from what you have told me. as far as the terms im using you have to figure those out from my other post but here we go.

    OK so from what you have said, she has lots of guys friends, love to go mingle and talk and have fun, but then when you she got back to the table she had no problem talking about sex and just trying to get your attention. Ok from just these few things i know this girl to here very core. This girl is a Tester-Justifier-Idealist. She is a tester because she is the type of girl that has no problem dating lots of guys because she finds things that each of the guys give for her. For instance, maybe your the cute guy that seems into her but is still someone of a chase and another guy could be the party guy that makes a night the best at a party. But also you saw that once you were having fun with another girl she came over. she wants your attention but she maybe sees you as a chase. thats exactly what you want for a butterfly but you also have to be entertaining. That is why when your talking to other girls she comes over, she saw you were being fun and wanted to steal you from other girls. We call this type of a girl a social butterfly. she is a girl usually with lots of guy friends trying to get with her and a few that have had sex with her. she is a girl that gets bored of guys that cant keep her entertained. that why when you saw yourself getting boring she fluttered away like lots of butterflys do. So the basic idea behind a tester is that she dates lots of guys and doesnt try to just find potential in one guy and invest in him. Those girls we call investors. You will find out why in the other post. Ok next topic, Justifier. This girl is a justifier because sex doesnt have to just be emotional and a deep connection. she knows sex can be fun, stress relief and all that. Your justifier are usually the girls that are open about talking about sex. She is this type because she had no problem coming over and talking/joking about sex. And then most girls i assume off hand are idealist until i can judge other wise. since i dont have enough we will go with idealist. Thats what most young women are. Ok so here is the background on a girl like this and an overall analysis.


    Overview
    We all know about “the party girl.” She’s the pretty, energetic girl that talks to everyone, including you, and then leaves you wanting more. Was she flirting with you, or is she just like that with everyone? Guess what – every other guy in the room is thinking the same thing.
    Guess what else…she knows it.
    The Social Butterfly is a combination of Tester, Justifier, and Idealist. Her behavior likens her to her namesake. She is like a butterfly – beautiful, enticing, and hard to catch – unless you know what you are doing.
    As with all Testers, if you must separate yourself from the countless other guys chasing her. But the Social Butterfly is different from the Playette in her Justifier Mindset. She embraces an aggressive approach, as long as she doesn’t get the feeling that sex with her is a trophy for you.
    If you can keep a casual, fun, pressure-free interaction going, sex is an almost certain outcome once you are alone with the Butterfly. But if she senses that she is a conquest, and that you have any sexual neediness in your attitude, she will flutter away.
    The biggest challenge men face with a Butterfly is that she likes to be the chaser. She wants to be the one who chooses, and chases, the man. The irony is that she ends up chasing the guy that either, a) doesn’t want her, or b) wasn’t the “strong silent type” but was actually an insecure, immature guy that simply didn’t know what to say.
    A Butterfly has such a strong need to attain the unattainable guy that she often tricks herself into thinking that a guy is much more interesting than he turns out to be. We can’t control this irrational pattern, but we can become aware of it and leverage it. More on that later. Suffice to say, the butterfly is most attracted to what she can’t have.
    When in a sexual relationship with a man, a Social Butterfly is a horny devil. She wants it everywhere, all the time. It’s not so much that she’s always horny – it’s the thrill of novelty that gets her horny. She heats up fast, and cools fast. Her attention span is short because she loves to be excited, and nothing’s more exciting than novelty and risk. Take advantage of her impulsive nature, or be left in the dust.
    When a Social Butterfly finds a guy she likes, it doesn’t last long. Or she gets married. This woman is impulsive. But nonetheless, she is a woman, and has feminine drives to contribute and nurture. As long as you have a strong Vision , and you are Self-Controlled (i.e. dominant and not looking for permission or guidance on even the subtlest level from those around you), she will always be drawn to you.
    Sometimes letting something beautiful go is the best way to make sure it comes back to you.
    Some tips to stand out:
    Be loud
    Stand tall, and position yourself in same proximity as if you already know her
    Smile and look her in the eye when YOU are talking
    Use fun, dominant touch – when you hug her, lift her up slightly.
    It’s not hard to get a Butterfly’s attention. It’s keeping it that’s the challenge. Your best bet is to find out what her interests are. It may sound obvious, but most guys screw this up by asking interview-style questions. Pay attention to her – she wears her life on her sleeve. She likely will wear, talk about, or do, something that is interesting to her. Comment on it and relate to it.
    She’s a tester, so tease her immediately. Even more than the Playette, the Social Butterfly responds very powerfully to being teased. Just make sure you can take what you dish out because this woman loves to banter. Stay on your toes, and stay focused on lightly pointing out her silly quirks and mistakes. And, as always, back it up with warmth –that’s what makes teasing work. Otherwise you’ll just come off as mean and socially incompetent.
    She may float away to talk to other people, but that’s her nature. Don’t take it as a rejection. She will remember you. Bump into her again and continue where you left off – but don’t just start talking or asking herquestions. Try something random, light, and fun – give her a high five or say, “Oh jeez – you again. What’s up lady?” with a big smile on your face.\

    How to get a connection with a butterfly:
    It may seem counter-intuitive, but with a Tester, especially a Tester-Justifier, finding one deep topic and exploring it can have a profound effect. But keep this as a contrast, an exemption to the rule: keep the conversation light, positive, and rhythmic (no awkward silences).
    Testers usually have one or two passionate interests that they keep to themselves. If you can uncover it, you have separated yourself from the other guys orbiting her vagina. And that’s what it really comes down to with Testers – be the guy she chases, not the guy chasing her.
    Note: with an iNvestor, it’s the opposite – discussing a wide variety of topics is effective because of the meaning behind the nature of that conversation: “we are so connected that we can talk about anything and not worry about sticking to superficial commonalities”).
    So how to use her interests to make her chase you? It’s not a matter of her clinging to your pant leg. The real manifestation of her chasing you is, for example, her telling you things she normally doesn’t reveal, and you, in-turn, offering her more attention and time. You MUST convey that your sexual interest is a reward.
    The strongest power-play with this girl is to connect deeply on one or two topics, while Threading (a skill we teach in our Bootcamps), be bold physically and sleep with her as soon as logistics allow. If you are alone with her, use that as a window to get physical. If you miss thiswindow, she’ll quickly move on. After sex, don’t cuddle or make long-term plans. Don’t try to be her new boyfriend – that’s what every other guy does and it’s boring. Keep it casual on you end, and she will be wondering why the hell you don’t want her!
    Testers don’t like sensual touching right away, nor do they like a lot of strong eye contact or close proximity, unless it’s for an external purpose (e.g. playing darts or window shopping).
    They do like smiles, however. An upbeat, playful energy keeps things fun and exciting. Don’t get serious and cerebral with a Social Butterfly. Instead, try to stay in the moment , focus on your environment, and comment on the funny or unexpected in your surroundings.
    She won’t mind if you get close as long as there is a reason, and you don’t try to lock eyes in a flirty way. She will initiate that. When she does, don’t shy away.
    Manhandle this woman. You can get away with so much as long as you are in a good mood and have a playful energy. If you are dancing, guide her body, spin her, etc. If you’re standing in a crowded area, throw her over your shoulder with one arm and walk to a less crowded spot. Sether down gently and continue the conversation as normal.
    Don’t try to seduce her by touching her hair, neck, or face. Generally, focus on moving her entire body via hand on her back, legs, or by taking her arm in yours. Hand-holding is too romantic and intimate at first.
    Fun, big movements are exciting to her. Pick her up, guide her body around, and definitely dance with her if you have the opportunity. This girl loves to dance so she can get out of her head, and move around. A good dancer scores huge points for this party girl.

    Ok so basic idea, be a fun guy, be but the guy not into her cause she wants to chase. You saw this and im really excited you did. Once she saw you with another girl having fun this is how it went in her head subconciously or consiouly. Wow why the hell wasnt that guy into me, but then he is into this girl. Ok well i can get his attention and he will want me. WATCH THIS Sh1t. and then she came over stealing your attention being fun and sexual. So next time you go out with this girl, get to know a few people, especailly girls, try to talk to other girls and when she comes fluttering over, give her your attention. Once u give her your attention it will look like she is doing good with a chase. and just to do more, throw some game hard at one girl and get her to write her number on your arm. cause then the social butterfly knows ur guys arent dating, she wont get mad externally but she will be like. WTF how am i not getting this dude but he got another girls number. I guess im going to have to kick it up a notch, this guy must not know how amazing of a girl i am. As long as you can seem into her, but a chase you will do good. Mirror her actions basically. When she comes fluttering over to steal you away but then flutters away, do the same. She leaves and you go back to talking to other girls, then by the end of the night, after lots of touching, teasing and sexual tension with her and maybe a few drinks she is going to basically do this. Ok well i know something, he might have talked to all those girls but i bet i can get him to come home with me. and bam you throw down some hardcore sex, even in the bedroom she wants to seem like she is bringing out the freak in you. this girl has no problem getting all sorts of freaky in the bedroom.

    Ok now as far as questions:
    OK transitioning into a dhv isnt hard, as long as you can relate it to something you guys are talking about or something she does. the other night i was hitting on a waitress and i just knew how to relate.
    "Hey how long have you worked her, cause you seem dam good at being a slave." then she just laughed and responded, "2 years". I had worked at subway so decided to put that in my DHV i was like " Yeah cause i worked at subway for about the same time you had worked her and i always hated how i smelled like food after my shift. you get that dont you" she said yes and boom right into DHV story. "Ok well one night i was working and my friend Sasha called me saying that she had taken acid and that she was in denver just got out of the club and needed someone to come get her. I ripped her so hard the next day for taking acid but i had to go get her. So i got off and went to denver, when i got there i called her asking for directions and she somehow ended up in a art gallery so i go get her bring her home and then i finally get home and my friend ended up getting mad cause i smelt like food and didnt get him a sandwich from when i got off". so if you can ever relate or even just bullSh1t your way to relate what you guys are talking about into the DHV, then do it.\
    Best way to keep the conversation going is let her talk. If she answers ask why, how come, well i thought this what do you think. Or if you can find something she is passionate about and just use those general questions, she will talk all night long. A girl the other night i was hitting on was excited about studying abroad in chile and i got her talking all night just having a warm energy, saying how come, why and then sometimes throwing in my two cents.
    Yeah telegraphing interest is bad, but when she is your girlfriend i guess it depends on the type of girl and how long, like this chick. Not telegraphing interest will continue the chase and then if you have been with her for a long time you can start to slow the chase once she loves you blah blah blah.
    Yes you do lose the prizability when you telegraph interest, you always want her to think that you are a prize to be won and that she needs to chase you sometimes to get you.
    Just act yourself, but change it to the type of girl. this girl just be yourself but be sure to be loud, have fun and talk to other girls all the time, even when dating her, let her do her thing. cause she will see you as not being needy or clingy but talk to other girls cause she will see that your a prize and that she cant leave you and she still has to try if she wants your love. But when you talk to these girls, dont get initimate and dont get numbers cause then you become a cheater in her mind. jUst get to know them as the people they are. She might fight about it with you sometimes but you have to make sure never get their numbers even if just friends and to always show her that your coming home to her and not other people.

    well i feel like i just wrote a novel, i hope this helps. Im jealous cause this girl sounds pretty amazing. and i bet she is absolutely amazing in bed.hahaha good luck man
    Last edited by crobinson1; 04-17-2010 at 01:54 PM.


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