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  1. #1
    ragr Guest

    Default Debate with myself

    Alright I will try to keep this brief and as clear as possible.

    I met this girl about a year ago. From the first moment we look at each other I knew there was something weird going on. She flirted, she was always looking to be next to me, etc. But it ended up she had a bf. We hanged out several times with our friends in common after that day, and there was always some Tension between us.

    So almost a year has passed, and about a month ago she broke up with her bf. She started to text me all the time, sending me good morning messages, etc. I knew that her relationship was not going to last, and i thought she started to look for me since she was done with her bf.

    4 days after the break up, we went to the movies with some other common friends, and before i left her home, we kissed very heavily. after that I tried to see her again, but she was always working, or doing something else. after that day we kissed she stopped texting me often and I was worried that the thing between us was going to die. I have no clue why that happened and i didnt aske her because I dont want to act needy and stuff.

    So after a month I finally saw her last night. We went to a merengue (type of latin music) concert with a bunch of friends. She offered to pick me up since my car was not working. Last night was great. I tried to not give her my full attention, but it was kind of hard since she was giving me her full attention. The only man she danced with last night was me, and we danced for like 3 hours. I ocasionally gave some attention to my other friends, and when that happened she tried to come closer to me.

    I am telling you guys, last night it was like she was my gf and i was her bf. holded hands, hugged a lot, and there was a lot of touching between us. she occasionally gave me kisses in my cheek, chin, chest (while she was seated i was stand up right in front of her). There was also the occasionally kiss tease when our lips grazed. They way she dances, jesus christ, I was so horny lol.

    After the event ended, me kissed in our friends back seat when going home, and then again when the friend that was driving went away for like 5 mins.

    I really like this girl, but I have not mentioned her about us, and neither has she. I don't want to put pressure on her since she broke up with her bf about a month ago, and it seems to me that she is undergoing a stage where she is having fun, and hanging out with other ppl (which i dont like that and I get kind of jealous about it). I suspect she is seeing another guy besides me, but i am not sure.

    I'd really like this girl to be my gf, but i haven't have this kind of experience before and i dont know how to handle it.

    Should I just shut up and continue the way it is now text her often, be kind to her. Or, should I mention her what is going on between us.

    Help guys.

    Thanks a lot for your feedback.

    (I know this stuff is badly written, just let me know if you have any questions and more details)
    Last edited by ragr; 04-30-2010 at 12:00 PM.

  2. #2
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Debate with myself

    wow ok i have been somewhat of the guy to take on the challenge of these but as far as sure fire way to get this girl there is none. the way girls handle breakups if different so first thing i want you to do is check out my post on pandoras box and cold reading. Understanding the type of girl she is to the core will help you understand who she is. But if just from what u said i would say she is a investor justifier idealist. She is having fun but ultimately she is a girl that wants a guy who seems to have the potential to being perfect. So all you have to do is continue attracting her and basically displaying that you have the capacity of being that potential "perfect" guy. But you also dont want to really force anything on here now cause she is still getting over the breakup. So my best piece of advice is not text her much. See her when you guys are out with friends. But when your out with friends escalalte the situation and get her attracted and build the tension, rapport, comfort and trust.
    But ok heres the plan, obviously she feels something for you because when you were ignoring her she was all over you. and she made out with you. so obviously there feelings there. What you need to do is practice your text game and basically cut the connection with her for about another month until she has the breakup out of her system. the reason i said practice your text game was because you need to send her text every now and then that get her to think about you and want you. But then by denying her or flaking she will become more attached cause she wants to see you and couldnt. you will soon find she will be going out of her way to try and see you to get her "fix" of you. then when you do hang out you want to fulfill her "fix" of you and get her attracted. Then you also need to make it seem that sex isnt your goal so the first time you get a chance to sleep with her dont. if she is drunk and coherent just say something like "you know i would want nothing more than to have sex with you but i want to be respectful and not do it when your drunk". this displays that you have values and that you care for her. then overall you just want to show her that you have that potential of being that "perfect" guy.

    ok ill be honest i have more ideas but i have to go and i want you to follow up and read that pandoras box and cold reading post. and im sure some of the guys on here are going to tell you how to display that potential very well. and its hard cause you need to take the time to let her get over her breakup before you try and go for it.

  3. #3
    ragr Guest

    Default Re: Debate with myself

    Crobinson, first of all i want to thank you for the amazing response.

    Alright, so yeah i definitely have to work on my text game. Something that usually happens to me is that i overthink too much when sending a text. Can you provide any examples of that kind of text messages that will make her think about me and want me? Also sex is not my priority. right now i really need a girl like her that cares about me and that i can spend fun, and great moments with her. She is also a virgin( one of the reasons her bf broke up with her was because of that) so, for now I want to focus on getting her.

    a question i have is what do you mean by fulfilling her "fix" of me?

    Another thing is that I'm probably the one going to invite her to our next "hang out"..So I have to plan it and then cancel it?

    Will read the pandoras box post for sure.

  4. #4
    Salaami Guest

    Default Re: Debate with myself

    First thing is in regards to meeting up with her, don't cancel on her twice in a row (with no real reason), if you are going to cancel at all you need to do it carefully and try to make her want to spend time with you still instead of being angry at you.

    Second thing is that if you make an emotional connection to a girl who isn't your gf she will start to want to be. These kind of connections come from talking, but not talking like an AFC. A good example (actually given by Crob in a different post) is taking her to your favorite spot, for Crob it was a place out in the countryside where he would lie on top of his car and talk with a girl while looking at the stars, for me it would probably be a Moroccan restaurant that I absolutely love, either way you are building a deeper connection with her.

    Another way to build the connection emotionally is through cold reading techniques, these range from the cube game (which you can find on here using the search tool) to simple lines. Once again Crob made an excellent post on cold reading (and it also has info on the 8 types of girls defined in pandora's box) which you should be able to find with searching as well.

    Last thing i want to talk about is right now it seems like she is getting you to chase her more then the other way around. You need to reverse this or else she will lose her attraction to you. When she is giving her full attention to you it is the best time to give your attention to someone else, if you are having trouble doing this with just your friends go and approach a set. If she sees you talking to other women, especially if they are showing IOI's, she will immediately come over and try to pull you out (by trying to impress you, asking you to dance, or trying to claim you).

    If she tries to claim you, and by this i mean walks over to you and holds your hand, gets closer then someone who is just a friend would, or anything like this, what you need to do is try and make her chase you more then she is. When this happens tell her you will dance with her in a minute but you're having fun talking to the women you just met, in all likely-hood she will try and get you to chase her again by trying one of the first three again, if you are firm though she will back off, and the half second she does this reward her with a dance.

  5. #5
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Debate with myself

    lol this is funny. it seems like i post on here quite a lot and people seem to appreciate my post. ok well salaami hit it dead on the head. you want to attract her and make such a connection that she will want to be with you. and by "fix" i mean that time she so badly wants. its just like when a drug addict needs their fix. if u get her addicted to you she will always have those times where she will be thinking about you constantly and just needs to see you. So first off, you have built the attraction and she is sexually attracted now you need to build the connection. One way to do that is take her to ur favorite spot in the city. just like salaami said, when i want to build the connection i take them to the countryside where there are not lights for miles and just pick out the constellations. but to try and keep it so heavy i keep the conversation light and playful. by doing this she feels comfortable around me, builds a connection with me and then i keep it from getting creepy by keeping it light and playful. Ok well the girl is a complete NDI to the core and ill tell you exactly what this means. my next post will be about this type of girl, how to attract them and then you can use the advanced cold reading skills. and then i will post some text messages that will get a response and kind of get her too think about you more.

  6. #6
    crobinson1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Debate with myself

    ok so i believe the girl is an NDI and this would be who she is to her core.

    The Hopeful Romantic (iNvestor – Denier – Idealist)
    Personality Profile
    Overview
    The Hopeful Romantic is somewhat old-fashioned. She daydreams about the perfect man coming into her life, romantic escapades, and has long-term hopes with the men she gets involved with.
    For the Hopeful Romantic, the potential of a long-term relationship is the foundation upon which everything else lays. It’s not that she needs a boyfriend or husband – those are simply socially construed titles. You must go deeper and hit her at her core to satisfy her emotional and sexual needs.
    Men often run into trouble with a Romantic by coming off as insincere or “player-ish.” It’s OK to be seeing other women when you meet a Hopeful Romantic, but if you try to lie or cover it up, she will lose all hope of a future with you, because to her, relationships – whether platonic, romantic, or somewhere in between – are founded in honesty.
    However, it may seem daunting to tell such a sentimental and feminine woman that you are a free bird and intend to stay that way. This will take some tact…Her Desires
    The Hopeful Romantic thinks she wants a man who will be patient, gentle, and sweet, and indeed she may respond to that. But more often than not, you will find this type of woman with a bad boy – a biker, thug, or a generally tough dude rough around the edges. The reason for this is that she needs emotional strength above all else.
    Her extreme sentimentality and emotional sensitivity requires a counterbalance – a man who doesn’t get upset easily, keeps his cool, and takes the offensive in confrontation. But, any man that expects to keep her around must keep at least a small sense of empathy – enough to understand her moods so that he can comfort and reassure her. He knows that the kind of reassurance she needs is not in sweet words, but in physical actions.
    The Hopeful Romantic wants a man to save. She is attracted to the mysterious, unattainable, unreachable, angry, depressed, artistic and out of bounds. She wants to bring a hard man in from the cold. She wants to warm his heart with his love. But remember – it’s the challenge itself that is attractive. As your horniness doesn’t go away, nor does her hunger for a man to conquer. Once you have been subdued and domesticated, she will search for a new challenge.
    If you can stay a challenge, just a bit out of reach, a bit outside of her feminine influence, she will be an extremely docile, warm haven of sexual embrace and emotional support.How She Gets What She Wants
    The Hopeful Romantic woman is an iNvestor, so she looks for sexual gratification and emotional fulfillment from one man, not several. When she meets a guy who catches her interest, she immediately begins to size him up as a long-term partner.
    If she gets the indication that he doesn’t have the capacity to bond with her, she will move on. But here’s where it gets tricky. A man who is moody, or wild, or living on the edge actually indicates the potential for rapport because he is emotional, AND he is not trying to pursue her to get sex.
    Note: When a woman feels a man is pursuing her simply for sex, she immediately perceives all he does as dishonest and manipulative (even if he’s being genuine).
    When it comes to sex itself, a Romantic will play a passive role. But when she is aroused and is taken, she responds powerfully. To her, she has drawn the man to her, and won his desire with her warmth and love.
    Her challenge is coping with her very domestic, familial nature – her need to nurture and tend to her children and loved ones – and the pressures of society to achieve status and achieve material luxury. Think about the combination of a Denier with an Idealist. The Denier will only let her guard down once she thinks she is with a man who will take care of her, and love her (if not now, eventually).
    But as always, once you get needy and appear submissive and weak, she will lose attraction and motivation to even give any of those long-term hopes a chance.Applied Technique (using 3-Function Analysis)
    Conversation
    Ignition
    As always, with iNvestors, it pays to be direct. Here’s why: she either has a man, or wants one. If it’s the former, there’s a good chance he’s not satisfying her sexually or emotionally. If it’s the latter, well – there you go. So if you can pick out an iNvestor (a skill I’ve acquired in the past couple years), you know what to do to get a 75% postitive reaction rate. Unless you somehow screw it up or catch her at the wrong time of the month.
    “Direct” doesn’t always mean telling her explicitly that you are attracted to her. It can be conveyed through the eyes and body. Eye contact is best taught in live training programs. It creates sexual tension without the need for any specific wordplay, but takes a lot of calibration. A good rule of thumb is to act like her eyes and your eyes are magnets – hold eye contact a beat longer than normal, but don’t try to stare her down.
    It is your focused interest that will capture her focused interest. With an iNvestor, success and failure depend on you. She is ready – but will shut down if you shut down first. By shutting down I mean getting acting through a persona (a social mask you hide behind when nervous, e.g. being overly macho, or pretending to be super laid back to the point of “not caring,” etc), or getting negative as a crutch for a lack of things to say.Momentum
    Create a dynamic of “you and her vs. the world” as soon as possible. This is easier than it sounds – find common ground, and then make a joke about the rest of the world/people being different (and having implicitly lower social status).
    Keep your energy mellow and dominant, meaning you don’t get to excited or annoyed – your emotions are stable and you are unaffected as a whole. It also pays to call her out on something dorky she is doing or wearing, but make sure your energy is super warm and positive – that’s the only way to make such risky behavior work consistently.
    Roleplaying and talking about doing things together in the future is the best way to motivate her to get to know you. She is an iNvestor, so she thinks long term. She is an Idealist, so her worldview is based on romance and fantasy. And as a Denier, she sees sex as a big commitment –not casual fun. So convey that you are interested in getting to know her, and that you are a guy who will be around for her.
    Note: never say this explicitly. She won’t believe you. Always imply this by using the Us-frame – whatever the topic is, talk about it in terms of you and her, together, experiencing things now or in the future.
    Connection
    The way to create a connection with a hopeful romantic is to indicate that you have the romantic capacity in you, and that you have had your heart broken by a GIRL (not a woman) who didn’t appreciate or recognize you. And now you are a wounded heart that needs to be healed.This approach can easily stray into games and manipulation, which we don’t advocate. However, it wouldn’t be right to not mention how ridiculously easy it is to elicit strong feelings in this type of woman by simply letting go of all attempts to impress or influence others.
    Don’t be afraid to pause and simply relax together, even in a crowded bar. Comfortable silences are probably the best way to create a spark with the Hopeful Romantic.
    Physicality
    Body Language
    You initial body language makes a big difference in how an iNvestor-type sizes you up. Don’t come off like a party-boy. Don’t be the drunk, loud club guy. Sincerity and authenticity trump excitement and social dominance with iNvestors.
    Having said that, I should clarify the difference between sincerity and pressure. No woman likes a man to get in her face and be too intense at first. Relax your body and face, respect her personal space, and use eye contact to show her you are focused on her. This will intrigue her. More than other types, this woman will look past any fashion mistakes you commit because she is looking hard at your personality and energy – she is trying to figure out what you will be like in the long-run.Touch
    Let’s look at a Hopeful Romantic’s 3 Personality Factors: she is more interested in connection and authenticity rather than excitement and novelty (N). She places a high value on sex and doesn’t like to rush into intimacy (D). She has romantic ideals and wants to be swept away in courtship.
    This combination can create a tricky dynamic. In order to sweep her off her feet, you must incorporate a good amount of touch – you must protect and lead her. However, don’t go too far and come off “touchy-feely” as this will signal to her that you just want to get laid. And, as will all deniers, you have the most leverage if you can sleep with her quickly, so touching is crucial.
    Use a lot of protective touching – move her out of the way, pick lint off her shirt, brush her hair from her face, and hold her hand when crossing the street. Keep it light, short, but attentive. Being attentive to her body and conveying that you care about her safety conveys that you aren’t just there to “hit and run.” You are a guy that will last and be a part of her life, because you truly care.
    Sex
    The key factor to keep in mind with a Hopeful Romantic is she is a Denier. Leading up to sex, go slow, be patient, and don’t try to pressure her. Sex will come and when it does it will be really passionate and sensual. The first few times you make love with a Denier, do just that – make love.Include long bouts of kissing, caressing, and holding her. Draw out the foreplay, and definitely cuddle afterwards. No rough stuff at first. Missionary or her on top is best – this way you can look into each other’s eyes, kiss, and she’ll feel close to you. That’s what she needs when it comes to sex.

    ok now for some examples of text or just examples of conversations i have had using this techniques.here are some examples and using it in action. It has happened to us all. We feel like our text interaction is going great with a girl and then all of a sudden she just stops responding. There are many reasons why this could happen: Some sort of emergency happened in her life, She gets so many texts yours just got lost in the shuffle, she is busy at work and just forgot, you said something that she needed to think about and forgot, you said something that wasn’t sure how to respond to so she just didn’t, she lost interest, etc. Don’t worry all is not lost. There are several ways to recapture a woman’s attention.
    Typically you need to go back and build some more attraction. You do this by sending a text that is fun, playful and non-needy that involves her directly in some way either by doing something to her or requesting something outrageous from her.

    Examples:
    “what the hell are you up to this weekend?…let me guess, finishing up your ninja training. Oh wait that’s me..hi-ya! Sorry didn’t mean to judo chop you over txt…haha
    “so it’s pretty hot out at the pool (or anywhere) right now could you come fan me with a big leaf and feed me grapes? Thanks
    “hey crazy face..are you still alive? should I send a search party of midget ninja’s (or minja’s as they prefer to be called) to come rescue you?!
    In Action:
    Thursday, Oct 16 2008 at 2:16:34 AM
    Race: “What has a bottom at the top?-Race”

    —She Didn’t Respond to My First Text—-
    ….8 days later…

    Friday, Oct 24 2008 at 2:31:57 PM
    Race: “So It is super cold out today…could you come knit me a sweater and make me some hot chocolate? Thanks

    Friday, Oct 24 2008 at 2:32:54 PM
    Kayla: “Yes. Be right over.”

    Race: “Excellent…you off on any adventures lately?”
    Kayla: “Going to London tonight… Does that count?”
    Race: “Think I could fit in your suite case?”
    Kayla: “Are you bendy?”
    Race: “I do yoga
    Kayla: “Good to know. Are you still enjoying NYC?”
    Race: “Yes mam I am when are you getting back? You have to show me a cool spot here”
    Kayla: “The first text you sent me was a riddle, but I couldn’t figure it out. Do you remember?”
    Race: “Yep…the answer is your legs
    Kayla: “You’re a dork…love it”


    you can also stroke her ego.
    Another way is to involver her ego. If there is one thing people love hearing about it is themselves. The technique is to say you just saw or met someone or something that reminded you of her. Like always you want to make it outlandish. You want her wondering why in the world that would remind you of her. This technique works because we as humans are always curious about what other people think of us and why.
    Examples:
    “I totally just walked by girl who reminded me of you! Except she was wearing a hyper colored shirt from 80’s – remember those!? Haha”
    I just saw the cutest little squirrel in the park gathering nuts and it made me think of you
    In Action:
    Wednesday, Dec 3 2008 at 2:17:31 PM
    Race: “I just saw the cutest little squirrel in the park gathering nuts and it made me think of you

    Wednesday, Dec 3 2008 at 2:19:04 PM
    Janiece: “lol! ur the best! saving that message! too cute!”


    ok so what you want to do is kind of cut the connection but talk to her every now and then and when you do you want her to attach good emotions with the thought of you. so then when you text her she then becomes happier and smiles. and not only just use these but make up some of your own as well
    Last edited by crobinson1; 04-30-2010 at 05:49 PM.

  7. #7
    ragr Guest

    Default Re: Debate with myself

    Update:

    I went to south florida for the weekend, and she didn't text me or called me for 3 days. Then I called her (I can't text since my phone is broken and have to get it fixed). She told me she was with some friends, and that she will call me after she gets home (it was about 11 pm). she also told me i was cute because i just called her to say hi and stuff and blah blah. She never called me last night, and haven't event texted me.

  8. #8
    Coyote Guest

    Default Re: Debate with myself

    Quote Originally Posted by ragr View Post
    Update:

    I went to south florida for the weekend, and she didn't text me or called me for 3 days. Then I called her (I can't text since my phone is broken and have to get it fixed). She told me she was with some friends, and that she will call me after she gets home (it was about 11 pm). she also told me i was cute because i just called her to say hi and stuff and blah blah. She never called me last night, and haven't event texted me.
    dont get hung up on her mate. like yeah i am sure she is hot... but take your mind off her if its doing your head in. if you have some puritan belief that you can't play with other gals then go get an ice cream, catch up with a mate, get in a punch on, do some boy fun stuff. we can become pathetic over one little piece of Fluff.... get over it mate and just keep on doing your thing.

    give her someone to respect. i like to respect myself. easy come, easy go. then again we all like different game and some of us are different species in the same forest.... i am just too damn busy to get all girly in the pants over one chick...

  9. #9
    ragr Guest

    Default Re: Debate with myself

    You are right man Coyote. I'll just stop right here. If she looks for me fine, if she doesn't, its fine too. I really need to get other chicks in my head because thinking in just one is killing me.

  10. #10
    prjav's Avatar
    prjav is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: Debate with myself

    ragr why cant you date other girls man? its counterproductive to stay dating one girl and its a waste of time too. look at yourself now all fucked up getting upset over a girl not texting. forget it and date another one while this one spends her days with her "friends".


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