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  1. #1
    paraman83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    So I'm not sure if I'm definitely in the LBJF zone or if there is still something I can do to save it.. Started talking to this girl from work about 3 months ago, but known her for 6 prior to that. Added her on fb, then something happened at work so I sent her a PM to see if she was ok & she was quite receptive. Chatted for a while. One night I was out, she was supposed to be too so I PM'd her my number & she started texting me straight away & for a while that night..

    Unknown to me she had a kinda friends with benefits (that she was head over heels for) thing going on at the time we met & he ended up not wanting what she did so it ended. She was pretty cut up & I was out one night, so was she & we met up for a drink but she kept messaging me after she left & eventually said she wanted me to come round give her cuddles - & well me being me, I went.

    Since then I get like minimum 10 texts a day, everyday. I see her every other day. We hang out, get food, watch flicks. She will lay with her head on me, play with my hand, my hair, kiss me on the head sometimes & there is enough banter & playing/messing about for me to wonder if she is interested? I'm retarded when it comes to girls.. There has been no kissing or anything though.. & not all contact & touching is initiated by me either - I mean there are days I will say to myself "I'm not messaging her" & without fail, I will get one from her..

    The things that make me think I'm FZ'd is that well she calls me her friend or technically her "fwend" in messages.. Says she loves me.. Calls me babe, gorgeous, tells me I'm a sweetheart etc.. She also chats about this other guy she is also talking to from work, who's not really receptive to her (this is a big warning bell to me).. & well honestly she is 21yo & I'm not really with it being almost 29 - is this maybe just how younger chicks are?? & it's not as though she's not had bf's in the past, I know she's been d1cked over & she left home when she was 16yo so seen a bit more than most 21yos.

    Makes me nervous - the friends with benefits dude she was seeing when we met was her best friend prior to anything sexual happening - I just don't know. I'm trying to make sure she sees me as a man, like a sexual creature & not just a friend but I don't wanna lose a friend - but if there is an opportunity there I think I'd like to take it. I always walk her to her car & always get a kiss on the cheek & a proper cuddle when she leaves. I'm not interested in gaming her or playing her - I don't really do one nighters..

    Any help is really appreciated.
    Last edited by paraman83; 03-03-2012 at 01:58 AM.

  2. #2
    paraman83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm 'friendzoned' but wondering if there is a next step?!

    So minor update, this other guy she was talking to - she told him she's had enough of being dicked around, like him not messaging her back or messaging her in the middle of the night and whatnot.. And we have just made plans to go away for the weekend to go into the big city.. Any advice at all???

  3. #3
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    Centre is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    You have two posts here..the first is an account of life in the friend zone, the second is a request for tactical advice for what to do on a trip to the city.
    I'll deal with the second point first, if the opportunity to get physical presents itself take it and never look back and ignore the rest of this post.

    My gut tells me you have played yourself into the friend zone pal, deep into the friend zone, to the kind of depths were a man's balls wither and die.
    But its ok man, consider it a right of passage, and they will grow back.

    I think most men, myself included, go through something like this at some point in their development.
    I believe as things stand you have zero chance of taking things to another level.
    This is something you have to accept so I'll repeat it
    As things stand you have zero chance of taking things to another level.
    The only thing you can do is accept that this girl is now just going to be a friend and go and meet other girls.

    Go meet other girls

  4. #4
    paraman83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    Thanks mate, appreciate the honesty. From what I wrote is it possible to pinpoint where it went down the Friendzone motorway at 100 miles an hour...? Or is it just the whole situation...

    Will see what happens.. At least I've made a good friend I guess. Time to move on!! Think I will scan through some more of this site and see where I can improve. I think I'm just stuck in 'nice guy" mode.. Like permanently.

    Cheers again.

  5. #5
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    Centre is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    No sweat man, glad to be of help. I remember being friendzoned when I was 19/20 and none of my friends had the common courtesy to give me a good kick up the arse.

    I think you set yourself up for the friend zone from day 1 with the "so I sent her a PM to see if she was ok" Concerned guy can slip easily into friendzone guy. But its alright, live and learn and all that.

    Its not a question of being stuck in "nice guy mode", its just that all you knew were the attitudes and behaviours that lead predictably to the friend zone and now its time for you to learn the attitudes and behaviour that will lead to the kind of social success you are looking for.

  6. #6
    JayGame is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    I don't like banging girls from work, but sometimes I do it anyway. Let's approach this dark art with caution. The tactics I'm going to talk about I did before discovering PUA, but they follow a lot of the same principles. I don't know about Australia, but in the U.S. an angry female co-worker is very dangerous. Sometimes they won't rest until your dead or fired. (They probably prefer both)

    However, if you're going to bang a girl or 2 or 3 or 4, as I've made the mistake doing at a single job, I find that social proof can be very powerful. Hang out with other girls at work. (Hint: go out as a group to the bars) Fool around with a couple of them. If you genuinely want to bang another one of them, don't do making out or heavy petting on the first night in front of your co-workers, you'll create buyers remorse. I've done it. If you properly isolate back at someone's house after the bars for more shots, you might have to take one for your Army of one and let a pale HB 6 toke on your dangle.

    Another social proof tactic is to have one of your buddies let it slip that you're a ladies man. (You can social proof that with some online dates rotating in and out of the house if you have a coworker as a roommate)

    Now that you have a some properly stuffed grouses under your belt, your target will have to feel like she has to win you over. You two have a friendship, but perhaps you're both conspirators as Mystery likes to say.

    In this spirit of conspiracy for example, one of the targets I seduced would secretly text back and forth with me and hang out when noone knew. We were "friends" and didn't want any "drama" or "people getting the wrong ideas." However, she also later went out with us as a group to the bars, and I had already attracted one of the other female co-workers with me, so when that pawn got drunk and started hitting on me hardcore, I would push her back and give the target a knowing smirk between us. Conspirators In one night I ended up getting blown by the pawn on the car ride back to the house for more drinks, (we took different cars) and doing the target on the hood of my car outside when the pawn was passed out in my bed :P By the way, they talked a couple days later, and weren't thrilled I messed around with them on the same night. Drama ensued. Not worth it at the time, but I laugh about it now that I don't work there any more.

  7. #7
    RedCase is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    Call me crazy, but I have a different take on your situation. Even if you were "Friend Zoned", this girl's last best friend became a "friends with benefits". Translation: THIS GIRL FUCKS HER FRIENDS.

    She just LOST her FWB relationship, meaning she's young, horny, and without a guy to take care of her. She's being physically affectionate with you. Be affectionate back. Take the lead. The worst that can happen is she gets uncomfortable, in which case you can just look at her like she's crazy. She is!

    You're comfortable with what you do, you're a man, she's a woman. If she's not comfortable with you physically and you can't be comfortable with her physically, somebody is having their time wasted. Maybe both of you.

    Do what comes natural and comfortably, confidently push it a bit here and there, but also back off naturally too. You don't need her; this girl just lost a regular F buddy and friend. She NEEDS YOU. Know that, own that, and act accordingly.

  8. #8
    paraman83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    JayGame - Thanks for the reply. The beauty is I'm a paramedic and she works at the hospital so - while I do see her at work it is most likely that I won't see her at all even if we are on the same shift Question mate, with the social proof is that like along the same lines as DHV?

    RedCase - The fact that her last bestie became more had definitely not escaped my attention!! I'm comfortable with what we do at the moment - I have just been reluctant to escalate things as I didn't want her to think I had ulterior motives if you know what I mean.. That's not the reason I hang out with her.. Well, it wasn't at first anyways!

    So if I just initiate more kino, or more intimate kino to the point - a step in the right direction yeah? I told her we'd have to share a bathroom while away and she said no worried and that I was a clean guy.. I told her I'd had all my shots too and that it would maybe be sharing a bed too - to which she replied if she hadn't considered that she would not have agreed to come with me. She also called me a cutie last night - but I just honestly don't know, I never really had many girl friends and any I have had don't act like this!! Is it just the younger generation lol?!

    Thanks guys for the replies!

  9. #9
    JayGame is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    Yes, it's a DHV and you don't have to go crazy with the social proof. What's a subtle way to do it?

    Go out with a mixed group from work before you bring the target out for another outing with that group. During the first outing without your target, select and prep the attraction of a female co worker pawn, and now the pawn is ready to use the next time you bring your "buddy" out with you and the group. You've not only prepped the pawn, but also your social standing with the group, guys included. Now you have more social proof, and it will be easier to be the leader of the group.

    It's the same concept as how a good PUA opens one set with the intent to then merge it with another. He creates social proof before going to the set where his target ultimately resides.

  10. #10
    paraman83 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Pretty sure I'm friend zoned but wondering if there is a next step?!

    Ok I can see how that works, thanks man! Who knew there was so much to picking up chicks man.. Here I was hoping for you know good ole fashioned - I like you, you like me let's see where this goes...!!

    Cheers


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