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  1. #1
    Ape's Avatar
    Ape
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    Default Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    So, I'm actually not having issues closing the deal. I already had sex with the girl, what I need is help keeping her around for a sexual relationship. I kind of feel like it's in jeopardy right now, maybe due to buyer's remorse from quick escalation, or maybe I am completely imagining it. Anyway, here's the summary:

    I met this girl on Facebook a few months ago, gorgeous half-black model who is into good music. Added her out of the blue with a message something like "hey, you're cute and your last name is a reference to prehistoric weaponry, press the accept button", which she did shortly afterwards. I proceeded to purposely not give her much attention, maybe liking a photo here and there, making a comment. In any occasion, awhile later I asked her out and she seemed kind of nervous and excited. We struggled mostly with logistics because we both have busy schedules, but ended up having a good date at a coffee house. Some kino escalation, comfort building, good secluded place where we could get to know each other.

    So we continued to struggle with logistics for a second date, but it ended up being her texting me out of the blue like "hey, I'm having a house party at (such and such address), you should come over!" I did, more kino escalation, ignored her a bit and focused on meeting all of the other male competitors and displaying higher social value, and seized opportunities to be alone with her when I could. We both drank a lot, smoked some. Had a good time.

    Summary: it worked. I could see her digging me even more and we ended up in her room alone talking for like three hours doing the whole comfort building, rapport, vulnerability thing. We ended up in her bed cuddling. But I just couldn't resist. We escalated over the course of like twenty minutes and ended up having sex.

    Next morning she didn't seem ashamed or bothered, we both took a shower and went out for breakfast/lunch. Her only mention of last night was, sort of laughing "I didn't even mean to have sex last night, you can't grab my hips like that!" (not taking responsibility, makes sense)

    But now, for the week following, she has been almost completely ignoring me. I texted her a couple days later on a Sunday night, hoping to maybe curb the possibility of buyer's remorse, but no response at all from her. So I decided I was going to wait through most of the work week in case she really just wanted some room. I did and today I called her with a plan in mind that we were gonna get together to watch this big box of unsorted indie films. But no answer from her. So I decide it's probably better to just be assertive and send the text an hour or so later. I say "I got this big box of independent short films from a friend of mine. We should do movie night tonight."

    She finally responds about 45 minutes later, with "I'm busy tonight!"

    I say "Alas, then we shall have to delay. What are you doing tomorrow night?" No response yet...but I'm not sure exactly how to read the situation. I feel like she's more standoffish than before we had sex, even though she was getting really emotionally comfy while we were cuddling.

    So my question is: how should I proceed? Tell me, you Venusian masters.

  2. #2
    thisisSPARTAAAA's Avatar
    thisisSPARTAAAA is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    Ooh, that is interesting. I'm convinced that you entered her "one night stand" zone, which is the opposite of the friend zone. The concept of this happened on me when I was talking to one of my exes while we were together and I said, "Too bad you have to go to Korea soon. We should have had sex earlier in our relationship." And she responded, "If you had sex with me too fast, I would have written you off as a 1 night stand and our relationship could not have furthered." So I don't know how to get out of that one. Maybe keep offering really fun date ideas like the park, the zoo, the beach? Or maybe that's permanent and she won't go out with you again unless she's craving sex again. In any case, thank you sir, for your post. It made me realize you could actually pick up strangers on facebook! I always thought that was pretty much BS cus it would be too good to be true. You can find more hot women on facebook in 15 minutes than a week clubbing and there are more hot young girls on facebook than any dating site! I just didn't think it could work! I will do a revamping of my profile and take it for a spin!

  3. #3
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    EMSaenz is offline PUA With Mad Respect
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    Some women are quick to hit the sack and sex is no big thing for them - it's like shaking hands. These type of woman want some other type of stimulation. They need a cause. They want to feel needed and useful in things other than sex. So when making plans to be with them, you should do stuff that does not have a sexual overtone. Also, they like to be included in the planning. They want to feel that you need their help.

    She is very likely to have several guys on a string, but you'll never know cus she will conceal it very well. Just make yourself available. Ask her for help with something. She may like things that would have you two work as a team. Like a couples match of pool at a nice hangout - ask a wing to double date w/you and the girl whose last name sounds like a prehistoric weapon. What is it? Flintstone? You stirred my curiosity. Anyway, that's my nickle.
    Carpe diem!

  4. #4
    Ape's Avatar
    Ape
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    There was one or two other occasions over the course of me gaming her where she seemed standoffish and I thought I had farked up. But both times nothing was wrong at all and she was just nervous or busy.

    You may be right about the "One-Night-Stand Zone." But it just seems odd because the phrasing she was choosing that night was in this way where it seemed to be saying: "so, we're trying to be in a relationship right?" She wanted to know how many serious relationships I had been in before (not sexual partners) and talked about how she felt like we had bonded and spent a lot of her time asking questions about me. Also, she had only been in 3 serious relationships, so it suggests to me that she isn't the type to have one-night-stands non-chalantly. Even though I was kino escalating her, her focus was not sex, it was rapport. That's why I'm thinking I might have escalated too quickly. She was trying to build comfort so we could be close, but I went for sex instead.

    Also, while I was around her friends that night, I overheard one of them say to her "You didn't invite Andrew? Good for you!" Which sounds like an ex-boyfriend or possibly her current farkbuddy that her friends don't like much. So it's also possible she felt really distant after we had sex and is retreating to something more comfortable.

    What I really want is some plan for salvage or a course of action because I'm tired of losing the ones I actually like.

    My current plan is this:

    If she texts back positive: nothing was wrong. Keep gaming. Take the date really slow, build more rapport, do not try to engage in sex unless she does so. Also, no alcohol unless she seems really comfortable already.

    If she texts back negative: ignore her text completely. Text/call her two or three weeks later with a completely different date plan.

    If she turns down that second offer: straight up ask her what's wrong, like "are you avoiding me? What happened?"

    If she doesn't text me back at all: ??? Confront? Ignore? Accept that I fucked it up and move on?

    (Also: Atlatl was the weapon. Not her real last name)
    Last edited by Ape; 03-29-2012 at 07:50 PM.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    Atlatl the Nahua spear sling - cool!

    You hit the nail on the head when you pointed out that she asked about "serious" relationships. Sex has less value to her than working on a big project like a "serious" relationship. She will dedicate all her time to the man she picks, but will lose interest the minute the project is completed. She won't feel needed. Train her sexual behavior. Use sex as a reward for her doing a good job at something she does for you. First compliment her then do her. Example: say, "wow, I love the way you're dressed" then give her a passionate kiss. Hold back the climax; make her work for it.
    Carpe diem!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    Yeah, looks like she's probably already written me off. No response to my text last night. I guess it's vaguely possible that there is a good reason she didn't respond, but it seems unlikely. I think it's just time I put her behind me. It hurts really bad to know that we dug each other so much and something like having sex had to screw it up but I've decided to just cut contact completely for the foreseeable future and start on a new prospect.

    I have to remember: If you want an outcome badly, it will flee from your approach. If you free your mind of expectations, the outcome will come to you.

    Last edited by Ape; 03-30-2012 at 10:35 AM.

  7. #7
    Pillbox is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    I applaud the fact that you were able to pick up a chick on facebook. Not an easy task.

    Anyways, I think when she said:

    "I didn't even mean to have sex last night, you can't grab my hips like that!"

    It's evidence of exactly why she is going cold on you now. She may have slept with you because of issues she is having with someone else(Andrew) and needed to feel some love that night(drinking helps this). But she is probably feeling remorseful and dirty(maybe like a slut) for hooking up with a guy she met on facebook and face to face only once before that night.

    Sparta above said it best, she put you in the one night stand category and each text you send only reminds you of that night that was so right but so wrong.

    My advice would be stop calling, stop texting, and use only Facebook to keep any contact with her, but only in indirect ways. Such as: liking her statuses, posting pictures to your wall that she might find interesting, posting pictures of you with other women, posting pics of you with friends at cool events, concerts, etc.... so that one night when she is bored and lurking facebook(as most women do) she will see your High Value.

    These things will keep you slightly on her mind but not enough that she keeps having to remember that night with you, and not enough to completely forget about you. Unless, you make contact too soon, or too late. I'd say the perfect window for this is 1-2 months.

    Restart game comes in handy at this point, CALL HER but only at a time when you know she might answer(sunday evenings are the best for this). Play it aloof and just say "hey its been a while how are things with you?" At this point she probably hasn't forgotten about You( posting and "liking" things helps this, you dont want her to delete you next time she does a mass clean) but she may have less of a memory of that one night.

    Spend maybe 5 minutes MAX with her on the phone and ask her to meet again at a coffee shop. She needs to feel like the date will be at a comfortable environment where you wont be able to put the moves on her easily, like a bar/club.

    On the date, don't come off as needy or like that night was the best night ever, in fact, avoid talking about that night AT ALL. Talk as if you just met her and are on a first date all over again(because you pretty much are).

    Good Luck man!

  8. #8
    Ape's Avatar
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    I think you nailed it completely. That's more or less my plan of action right now. I stopped contacting her completely after she didn't respond. No texts, no Facebook, no calls. Instead I focused a lot on posting really active, happy posts about once a day, musing about life and advertising things I'm helping to organize. I've been making sure, even though it sort of got me down that I fucked it up, to go out and be MORE active than I usually am. It really worked for my inner game and I feel a lot more confident about the situation and my chances. I assume it also means she saw a lot of "Daniel joined event such and such..." on her feed, which seems like good social proof. I went and got drinks with three gorgeous girls a day or so after, so I made sure to do a 'check-in' with them tagged.

    On a side note: for a period, even when we were digging each other, she had me blocked on Facebook. (You can tell when they're posting a lot, writing replies, and you haven't seen them online on your list for a few days) This weekend, after I decided to go cold, I blocked her so that it would not appear that I was online. So, over the weekend she made a status update "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek to find all barriers within yourself that have built up against it." -Rumi (had to resist the temptation to press 'like' because it might have been too transparent). For some reason that post seemed encouraging. I thought; 'if she's in that mindset, I bet she's reconsidering her feelings about our encounter.' So last night I unblocked her, only to find that she was actually present on my 'online' list for the first time in several weeks.

    With that in mind, it's really tempting to try to get ahold of her, but I realize that at this stage, it is more important that she comes to me. I've decided, if she retreated to her boy and it actually works out, good for them! If what she needed was a one-night-stand in order to appreciate her relationship, I'm glad for her. However, if I have gathered correctly and there are some problems in their relationship that even her friends are bothered by, I really just need to be first on the list when it blows up again.

    If she doesn't get back to me, I'll wait until the semester is up (conveniently about a month from now) and then hit her up really nonchalant and see if she wants to get lunch or something.

    Thank you for the advice, because I'd still really like to salvage the situation.

  9. #9
    Ape's Avatar
    Ape
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    (Sorry for double-posting)

    So, out of nowhere I'm at this music festival and there she is! I am already on my way out after having been there all day long when she's coming in, but she comes right up to me through the crowd and I reflexively pull her in for a hug around the hips. She doesn't resist a single bit.

    The very first thing she says is "I'm sorry about not answering your call..." (this took place like two or three weeks ago now)
    Me: "it's all good." with a smile
    Her: looking me in the eyes "I just felt uncomfortable because of how things had gone a few nights before"
    Me: still touching her hip as she drifts from the hug "I understand, it escalated a bit quick"
    She laughs and says "yeah, a bit quick"
    Me: "We were both drunk, so what're you gonna do?"
    Her: "Don't worry, it was definitely consensual" with a grin.

    Shortly after, since we were on our way out when I saw her, I say something like "Well, I'll get ahold of you soon" and she sounded really receptive, like "yeah, do that."

    So, that was Saturday and today is Thursday. I haven't texted or called her at all. I'm not actually sure if I should get ahold of her. Part of me says "get back in while she has that good memory of you fresh in her mind" and another part of me says "no, let her sit on that memory and let distance and time make her want you more"

    So, should I:
    a) Call her before this weekend (the chance of getting her out with me this weekend)
    b) Wait 'til after the weekend and call her Sunday night (the chance of catching her with some time to talk and build rapport)
    c) Wait until the end of the month (the chance that she wants me to play a bit hard to get)
    d) Let her come to me completely (the chance that she will)

  10. #10
    Pillbox is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Already got her attracted and seduced...now what?

    Honestly man you are sounding a bit like you have a case of "Oneitis", Where you are focusing all your thoughts on women to one particular female. Your posts almost wreak of desperation for this girl. You need to decide what your intentions are here though, in your first post you state that you are interested in keeping her around for a "sexual relationship", which sounds like you aren't all that interested in making her your girlfriend and you may want to see other women at the same time.
    Which is it?

    If all you want is sexual encounters:

    a) Call her up Friday or Saturday, if she decides to meet you for a few drinks, good chances are you may get lucky again that night. This can lead to a friends with benefits type scenario because she is now comfortable with you enough to do it again.

    b) If you call her up again and ask her out Friday night and she says no she has plans, then ask about Saturday night. If she declines both nights, it is a good chance it means she doesn't have interest in seeing you again for a sexual encounter, because she would break plans to see you or fit you in before or after her plans if she really wanted to. You may also blow your chances at asking her out on a real date and getting a yes next time, as she may already assume your intentions for just sex.

    If you want to date her exclusively and make her your girl:

    Call her up on Sunday night and tell her you wish things didn't escalate so fast last time either. Don't elaborate more on this, it will show her that you have interest in dating her, but the more you elaborate the more desperate you will come across. I am afraid your "oneitis" syndrome may come into play and you may forget to run a standard game of feigning disinterest. Keep your phone conversation short and ask her out again. Have a clear intention of your date plans before you call her so when you say it you have confidence. Tell her you want to take her out to dinner, lunch, coffee, or any where else where it can feel more like a date environment and you aren't just trying to get into her pants. If she likes you enough to want to date you, she should be fairly agreeable. If she declines the first day you suggest, suggest another day. After 2 or 3 day suggestions, and constant no's, you will know where you stand with that one. It may simply be that the first day you suggest she actually Is busy, so always go for a second or third day.

    This method shouldn't hurt your chances of calling her up on a friday/saturday night for drinks or partying somewhere, as that may have been her only intentions with you when she agreed to you contacting her again.

    Again, good luck with whatever you choose to do.


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