Hi Guys,

I hope I don't become infamous for long posts on here. I joined an online dating site a week and a half ago and have been getting pretty consistent response on the profile I set up. I used the SSD method of creating a writing structure and I was hoping someone could provide me with some feedback on ways to fine tune it.

Here's what I currently have:

Call me crazy but...

Isn't one of the best parts of dating those moments of discovery you experience after your initial attraction to someone?

You know what I'm talking about. A person across the room catches your eye. They approach you and say something to make you smile. Initially, they're a blank slate, but then you find out they've seen your favorite movie like, a bazillion times. You liked all the same bands in high school. They spent a summer abroad in a country you've been dying to visit.

Maybe I'm just a romantic, but I find those moments hard to create in an online dating profile. Plus you don't really want to read about another guy that's "laid-back" or "likes skiing and puppies", do you? I didn't think so.

So let's have some fun instead!

The following is a short story that 1) I spent WAY too much time writing, 2) I had WAY too much fun writing, and 3) should tell you a little about myself (only one thing's a blatant lie - see if you can guess what it is). I hope it's obvious I don't take myself very seriously.

Give it a read or feel free to just email me, but whatever's clever. Either way, I'm off to make a sandwich. Enjoy!


Agent Veronica Collard stood on the terrace of Santana's penthouse overlooking the Hudson River. It was just after 7 am, and the sun was starting to creep over the tenements and high-rises adorning the West Side Highway.

Inside, several agents searched the rest of the house for clues of his whereabouts. The aroma of flavored coffee still lingered in the kitchen, an enticing blend of dark chocolate and fresh raspberries. A laptop rang out a nostalgic mix of 90's hip-hop and 90's alternative rock.

Agent Kathy Bale appeared from his office carrying several spiral notebooks. "Find anything interesting?" asked Veronica.

"Interesting?" bellowed Kathy with the pent-up excitement of a five-year old, "Agent Collard, I want to go out for drinks with this guy! He drives cross-country for fun. He fights gladiators and jumps over pits of fire just to break a sweat. He once found a bear in his backyard and took it in as his pet. And did you know he used to be friends with Snooki?"

"Agent Bale," said Veronica, "if you're having trouble meeting men in your personal time, I suggest you look somewhere besides your job to fill that void! Now long did we miss him by?"

"Sorry, n-not that long," Kathy sputtered, "A day or two tops. Looks like he was getting ready to throw a pretty big party. His wine cabinet is stocked with stuff I can't even pronounce and there's enough food in the fridge to host a medieval buffet. "

"Any leads on his occupation this time?" asked Veronica, shielding her eyes from the glaring sunlight.

"Just some tailored suits we found in one of his closets and a bunch of Jay-Z quotes," said Kathy, turning through the pages of a notebook, "I'm not a businessman, I'm a business, man...just know I chose my own fate, I drove by the fork in the road and went straight..."

"What about the neighbors?" interrupted Veronica.

"A woman on the third floor saw him in the elevator every now and then. Said he was always smiling, everyone with him just seemed like they were having a good time."

Kathy paused, gazing out at the view. "Agent Collard...who is this guy?"

The mounting frustration set fire to Veronica's eyes. She stormed inside, down the long hallway leading to the master bedroom, passing various pictures of Jason from throughout the years. The base of Mount Rushmore. Courtside at a Knicks game with Funkmaster Flex. Woodstock '99. Cliff jumping in the Caribbean. Shaking hands with Donald Duck.

Who exactly are you, Santana? An aspiring philanthropist? A world-class chef? An animal-rights activist? A thrill-seeking adrenaline junkie? Or were you meant to remain a mystery?

The longer she waited to find out, thought Veronica, the greater the chance her window of opportunity might disappear forever.