As some of you know I'm a walking PUA encyclopedia. But I still lack majorly in the confidence department.
I keep feeling so down. High school keeps chasing me, even at the age of 22. Girls didn't like me at all there. They didn't want anything to do with me, called me ugly, I turned their mood bad when they suspected I liked them, and they overall seemed so far away from me. Like I could never reach them.
The discovery of PUA was a huge relief, even though initially I never thought I would actually practise it, because of that impossibility to reach women. But I started getting into it more and more, and eventually actually decided to do it - and did it, even though it took me months to work up the guts to approach.
It's been over a year since I started studying PUA. It took me until February to start opening girls on the streets. After weeks of strolling around a shopping mall I finally worked up the guts to open direct. After almoast two dozen opens I decided to go for a close. The only girl I ever tried that on wouldn't even shake my hand and was in a rush for work. After that I was proud of myself for trying it but for some reason I never really pushed on anymore. I laid the practicing of PUA on the side for a while.
I'm back to square one. Approach Anxiety. Although it's not as bad as before it is still there and is now combined with a depressed feeling towards my confidence and likelyness to get women. That prevents me from approaching.
Even today, as a girl sat across me on the subway. She looked at me a lot and when we crossed eye contact like the second or third time she kept it and smiled at me. She was an HB6 and showing major IOIs even though I hadn't done anything but sitting down. Yet I didn't have the confidence to open, because I felt so down about my chances with women.
Anyways, I think I just wanted to get this off my chest. I know I've got to get out there and do it. There's no reason girls wouldn't like me because I have changed a lot. Physically and in knowledge about women. I have become muscled and manlyer. Girls think I'm the hottest guy in class and wonder why I never have a girlfriend.
Thanks for listening and any advice. I hope I'll be able to report better news soon. I feel better after writing this down already. Cheers, guys!