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  1. #1
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Confidence issues

    Hi guys,

    As some of you know I'm a walking PUA encyclopedia. But I still lack majorly in the confidence department.

    I keep feeling so down. High school keeps chasing me, even at the age of 22. Girls didn't like me at all there. They didn't want anything to do with me, called me ugly, I turned their mood bad when they suspected I liked them, and they overall seemed so far away from me. Like I could never reach them.

    The discovery of PUA was a huge relief, even though initially I never thought I would actually practise it, because of that impossibility to reach women. But I started getting into it more and more, and eventually actually decided to do it - and did it, even though it took me months to work up the guts to approach.

    It's been over a year since I started studying PUA. It took me until February to start opening girls on the streets. After weeks of strolling around a shopping mall I finally worked up the guts to open direct. After almoast two dozen opens I decided to go for a close. The only girl I ever tried that on wouldn't even shake my hand and was in a rush for work. After that I was proud of myself for trying it but for some reason I never really pushed on anymore. I laid the practicing of PUA on the side for a while.

    I'm back to square one. Approach Anxiety. Although it's not as bad as before it is still there and is now combined with a depressed feeling towards my confidence and likelyness to get women. That prevents me from approaching.

    Even today, as a girl sat across me on the subway. She looked at me a lot and when we crossed eye contact like the second or third time she kept it and smiled at me. She was an HB6 and showing major IOIs even though I hadn't done anything but sitting down. Yet I didn't have the confidence to open, because I felt so down about my chances with women.

    Anyways, I think I just wanted to get this off my chest. I know I've got to get out there and do it. There's no reason girls wouldn't like me because I have changed a lot. Physically and in knowledge about women. I have become muscled and manlyer. Girls think I'm the hottest guy in class and wonder why I never have a girlfriend.

    Thanks for listening and any advice. I hope I'll be able to report better news soon. I feel better after writing this down already. Cheers, guys!

  2. #2
    EMSaenz's Avatar
    EMSaenz is offline PUA With Mad Respect
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    Default Re: Confidence issues

    The hardest obstacle to overcome is being truthful about one's self - especially the inner self. Kudos for being open & honest about your shortcomings! We all have them & putting them on the table gives you a fantastic chance to overcome them. Indeed, overcome them by utilizing the advice your fellow PUA will give you.

    Here is my Nickle: I was a professional live stage actor & musician. I was extremely shy most of my teen yrs and was diagnosed as having clinical anxiety and panic disorder.

    I was tricked into acting by an older woman, who became my mentor & I consider her my big sister.

    She told me that the anxiety one feels before going on stage is a rush of adrenaline which causes the flight or fight conflict in humans. She told me that to choose fight instead of flight was the best because of the feelings afterwards.

    If you choose to fight, you will feel better about yourself than if you ran because then you'd feel shameful.
    Carpe diem!

  3. #3
    chet25's Avatar
    chet25 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Confidence issues

    Best way to to learn to shut off your brain the best you can so you don't over think. Don't think of it as your going out to pick up women, that always gets me in the wrong state. Go out to amuse yourself and just involved others in it.

  4. #4
    SiliconMagician's Avatar
    SiliconMagician is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Confidence issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
    Hi guys,

    As some of you know I'm a walking PUA encyclopedia. But I still lack majorly in the confidence department.

    I keep feeling so down. High school keeps chasing me, even at the age of 22. Girls didn't like me at all there. They didn't want anything to do with me, called me ugly, I turned their mood bad when they suspected I liked them, and they overall seemed so far away from me. Like I could never reach them.

    The discovery of PUA was a huge relief, even though initially I never thought I would actually practise it, because of that impossibility to reach women. But I started getting into it more and more, and eventually actually decided to do it - and did it, even though it took me months to work up the guts to approach.

    It's been over a year since I started studying PUA. It took me until February to start opening girls on the streets. After weeks of strolling around a shopping mall I finally worked up the guts to open direct. After almoast two dozen opens I decided to go for a close. The only girl I ever tried that on wouldn't even shake my hand and was in a rush for work. After that I was proud of myself for trying it but for some reason I never really pushed on anymore. I laid the practicing of PUA on the side for a while.

    I'm back to square one. Approach Anxiety. Although it's not as bad as before it is still there and is now combined with a depressed feeling towards my confidence and likelyness to get women. That prevents me from approaching.

    Even today, as a girl sat across me on the subway. She looked at me a lot and when we crossed eye contact like the second or third time she kept it and smiled at me. She was an HB6 and showing major IOIs even though I hadn't done anything but sitting down. Yet I didn't have the confidence to open, because I felt so down about my chances with women.

    Anyways, I think I just wanted to get this off my chest. I know I've got to get out there and do it. There's no reason girls wouldn't like me because I have changed a lot. Physically and in knowledge about women. I have become muscled and manlyer. Girls think I'm the hottest guy in class and wonder why I never have a girlfriend.

    Thanks for listening and any advice. I hope I'll be able to report better news soon. I feel better after writing this down already. Cheers, guys!
    Oh yeah man. Hell I was feeling this exact same way the other day, which is why I googled up this forum to get back to my PUA basics and maybe rediscover something because of a series of frustrating developments with some of the girls I'm seeing, which is why you see my name spamming the forums lately. By offering some solid advice in writing it is recrystallzing forgotten lessons.

    One of the things I haven't forgotten is the good motto:

    "Failure to open hurts worse than rejection."

    I've had so many opportunities that I've passed up out of lack of confidence and especially some of them I had no excuse. Let me share one report..

    I was meeting a chick I met on Plenty of Fish(that shit is like Dial-a-Woman for me) and I have a set of "go-to" places I like to meet my POF chicks at and I had set this meeting up for lunch in a nice upscale tavern down the road from me.

    Here I am dressed to KILL. White Nautica blazer, black slacks, purple button down, just had my hair done. I was looking good and KNEW it. So I cock walk my way into the place and the only people at the bar were a couple old men, the smoking bartender, and this smoking blonde nurse in scrubs.

    Now this nurse did a double take as soon as I walked in the door and I don't know what happened. My brain was SCREAMING at me "Hot blonde nurse! IOI! IOI! IOI!" and yet I absolutely couldn't bring myself to open her even though I was just 2 seats down.

    I justified it in my mind as "I'm already here to meet a chick, what if she shows up while you are flirting with this hottie?". VERY AFC. I was ashamed of myself even right there. For 30 minutes this blonde did everything she could to make eye contact and I just ignored her. Then she had to go back to work as she was on her lunch break. A few minutes later POF chick showed up and practically jumped my bones within about 20 minutes of being together. Just downright attacked me. LOL but she wasn't nearly as attractive as that nurse.

    So I kicked myself in the ass even more because I could've had that blonde in the bag and had her gone long before POF chick showed up. I completely dropped the ball and I knew it.

    So even though everything came together and I was even 'in the mood' I abandoned my own game out of lack of confidence.

    So remember.. "Failure to Open Hurts WORSE than rejection"

  5. #5
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Confidence issues

    Thanks, EMSaenz. I read about the 'fight or flight response' in a body language book. I agree with what you say - whenever I say something random to a woman, even when she returns the shortest, most disinterested response, I feel glad for trying it. And if I don't, I'm like 'dumbass. Why didn't you just talk to her'?

    I'll try thinking of 'fight or flight' next time and hopefully it will trigger something I need to approach.

  6. #6
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Confidence issues

    You're totally right, Siliconmagician. Like I wrote in my response above, I feel terrible when I don't try and good when I have. I'll incorporate your advice and think of your line next time.

    I do prefer to think about it though, Chet. Because then I realise what I'm doing and that I'm progressing when I do open. It makes me feel like 'yeah! I'm doing it!'.


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