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  1. #1
    Quantum1985 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default help required - odd situation post-sex, not sure what move to make

    Could do with some advise on this one because i think the situation is quite unique and this stage is not at all my strong point. any help appreciated.

    the situation is - I was seeing a girl for 3 weeks, after a few dates over 2 weeks we had sex. we had a round 2 sesh a couple of days later and then she she went out of town for a week on a previously planned trip. it seemed to be the start of something good. we seemed to connect. long story short, i really like her and saw relationship potential for the first time in a while.

    whilst she was away we maintained daily contact and seemed like we would just resume where we were when she got back.

    On the night before she got back I went out drinking with some buddies and ended up chatting to a lot of girls. just friendly banter and chat - i didnt get with any of them. i got my photo with a few of them and thought it would be a good idea to facebook upload them! A couple of the pics that were uploaded looked extremely suspect as it was just me and a girl and i had my arm round them quite close. when i was drunk i thought this would make me look cool or some shit. the next morning when sober i deleted them because i realised the girl i was seeing might be pretty upset if she saw them and it wouldnt work in my favour. loads of my buddies said i was an idiot and should never have uploaded them!

    Shes been back now a week and a half. after a couple of days of radio silence i rang her and she said as i had guessed she hadnt text me back cos she saw some photos on FB and said the following kind of stuff "Im a bit confused why you would do that, how would you feel if i uploaded pics of me like that with random guys? im weary of you, questioning whether i want to get with you again" bit of an awkward conversation but i explained it was nothing and i was just a bit drunk and innocently chatting to a few girls, wasnt thinking when i uploaded and took them down in the morning hoping you hadnt seen them. she said i didn't have to justify myself to her.

    The next day I invited her to be my +1 to a social event and she said "im not going to lie im a bit reluctant right now, im not annoyed or anything, we're not a couple you can do what you like but ive just been a bit put off thats all x" I replied "no worries, the offers there if u wanna come, sorry if the photos gave you the wrong impression, it would be good to meet up hopefully soon"

    i left it 2 days and then started trying to rebuild a bit of rapport over the text. after approx 10 friendly texts each back and forth over 4 days and getting a good vibe again I felt i should ask if she wants to meet up again. she replied "i still feel the same as i did last week and im busy on that day anyway x" I was a bit gutted - just when i thought stuff was OK!

    i sent a and then continued to text about other stuff. shes replied to that still friendly toned but ignored my and that was yesterday, havent text her back yet.

    my analysis is - she probably thinks im a massive player and doesnt trust me at all and her guard is well up. she does like me and needs time to decide what she wants/observe to see what move i make next. I think she was jealous/annoyed just wont admit it and when she says "were not a couple you can do what you like", she may mean she wanted us to be a couple. alternatively she could be being honest and just genuinely undecided and a bit put off and maybe wasnt that into me anyway. its so hard to tell. i dont think its over due to her continual text replies but then again she could just be liking the attention!

    I dont like being strung along and would really like some face to face rapport building to get back to where we were.
    the way i see it i have 3 options
    1) stop texting her and give her space and wait to see if she tries to instigate a meet

    2) continue texting her rapport building and dont suggest meeting again, hoping that she eventually does

    3) force her to make a decision and stop stringing me along, to see where i stand, is this a deal breaker or is she going to give me another chance and continue were we were? Although this is more likely to result in rejection, at least i would know where i stand. getting rejected would be a bit gutting but its almost at the point where i would prefer that to the uncertainty of the current situation (i think i have oneitus)

    any analysis/suggestions on my next move??? have i blown it?
    Cheers.

  2. #2
    Gambet's Avatar
    Gambet is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: help required - odd situation post-sex, not sure what move to make

    I WOULD GO WITH SUGGESTION NUMBER ONE!...reason is that if she does like you than putting the pictures up might have gutted her...now shes being diffensive around you...just stop texting her, and appear to be unfaised and moving on...if she trully likes you like you said. she'll look for you..if not than forget about it...

  3. #3
    Quantum1985 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: help required - odd situation post-sex, not sure what move to make

    I should probably add the girl is from work and very much part of my work social circle of about 30-40 people, so i bump into her at work a few times a week maybe at lunch time and out of work we will likely both attend the same social gatherings from time to time.

    because of the social awkwardness/gossip factor you have to put up with and both of us never getting with anyone from work before, i think we only did get together because we both really like each other and saw relationship potential, (there are numerous other solid relationships at work). we first slept together sober after 2 weeks getting to know each other quite well (i hadnt met her before then because she recently changed jobs).

    I dont know if that changes anything and i should act rather than just waiting? this is another reason why forcing an ultimatum on her might be better; i dont particularly want to start dating other women whilst its a maybe from her (both emotionally, and for my image at work, it will look like im in the wrong unless i get a definite no from her). It might be better to show I care rather than appearing unphased, given that shes part of my social circle.

  4. #4
    chet25's Avatar
    chet25 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: help required - odd situation post-sex, not sure what move to make

    Go after new chicks and let the connection die. You've become too needy....and defensive with your replies to her inquiries. Learn from this, its not a big deal. Good work on advancing to this stage...


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