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  1. #1
    Chime's Avatar
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    Default A previous aphobic person is now terrified.

    The prefix A, meaning without, combined with Phobic [or phobia] meaning fear. Without fear.

    Previously I've been afraid of nothing. Now I'm horribly scared for my life and don't know what to do.

    Recently I've been pretty emotionally detached with women and it's been working out for me. I've tried not to be and wanted to feel, but I don't. Last girlfriend I had was cute, fun in bed, and fun to be around. I did stuff she ended up being into and she always had a little insight on these things that made it more fun. She was into a few things that I'd never seen before and added more fun stuff to my life too. She eventually broke up with me cause her dad was racist. I was only upset that people are still like this. More of a moderate annoyance.

    At this point I'm not getting laid and don't care. I'm not actively seeking out women. I didn't get laid again for about 7 months and it wasn't a big deal at all. Apathy is the path to happiness I used to say. It's not. I know this and want to break away from it but no one I meet makes me feel.

    Then there's Amy. A girl I dated for 3 days. Closest I got with her was seeing her topless. I've skipped out on getting laid 7 or more times to go hang out with her knowing all we were going to do was watch a movie, or go to the park, or even something really fucking boring that I didn't care to do, or [insert something that doesn't involve sex, kissing, or even cuddling]. I still would rather do nothing with her and not get laid than hang out with the hottest girl I've ever met after she makes it clear she wants to fuck my brains out.

    Amy made me depressed because I don't know how to get her. She literally [and figuratively at the same time] broke my heart [the literal part is where it's broken, heart being figuratively the heart (your feelings and emotions)]. I don't feel anymore because of her, except for with her. I can't fucking have her and don't feel anything for anyone else but her.

    So I stopped talking to her, cause I ended up getting hurt ALL THE TIME.
    I ran into her again. I tried to avoid her, but go sucked in and spent the whole day with her and loved every minute of it. I walked her home and went to kiss her and she said no. I still had a lot of fun with her. Then I started to feel depressed again.
    I went back to michigan [she's in ohio where I used to live, I was down there to help my sister move]. I ran into a girl at a skating rink [haven't go skating since I was 19 or 20, I'm 28]. And the girl I met at the rink thought I was pretty cool and my feelings weren't broken anymore.

    Like before amy I started to feel something for her, like I would any girl. Then I got terrified. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get attached. I'm afraid. I don't want to feel. I figured, fuck it, I'll chat with this girl cause I'm more afraid of amy than anything else in life. And she wasn't interested and I shut down and cried [when I got home... but it was very very difficult to hold the tears in on the way].

    I could only think of amy. It's been 5 years of running away from her and not feeling anything for anyone else. and the first girl I feel anything for, just slightly, it's hell.

    I'm afraid to get hurt. I'm afraid to feel. I"m terrified of amy.
    I'm not used to fear. If you asked me yesterday what I'm afraid of, I would try to think of an answer to be both polite and not look like I'm bragging or boasting. But the answer truely would've been nothing. Not death, not guns, not pain. NOTHING.

    The only person I had to talk to about this tells me to go for it and talk to amy. I don't know what to fucking say. I'm horrible with girls. I've tried this pua shit and I'm pretty goddamn bad at it. I don't care 99.99999999% of the time. I only care about not getting the girl when it's someone like amy who I'm in love with. The girl I'd drop everything just to go help her clean her house and go home without even getting a hug.

  2. #2
    rs5096's Avatar
    rs5096 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: A previous aphobic person is now terrified.

    Chime,

    You saw Amy for 3 days, didn't fuck her and you've been heartbroken over her for 5 years?? Did I read this right??


    rs5096

  3. #3
    Chime's Avatar
    Chime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: A previous aphobic person is now terrified.

    Quote Originally Posted by rs5096 View Post
    Chime,

    You saw Amy for 3 days, didn't fark her and you've been heartbroken over her for 5 years?? Did I read this right??


    rs5096
    You did read right.
    I also ditched a girl who wanted to f!ck me to go hang out with her and not get laid.

  4. #4
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: A previous aphobic person is now terrified.

    Jesus, Chime. This is oneitis at its worst. Which is probably also why you couldn't get her; oneitis makes you needy.

    Not giving a fark is far less important than feeling something for a woman. Without feelings it all just isn't worth it, as you have found out. I did the same thing. I have a psychopathic ability to shut down my emotions, and I did so for a long time but I didn't feel a thing for women. So it all wasn't worth it and I decided to turn them on again. Emotions motivate you to do anything, and the good ones are also your reward for succeeding at what you do. Following your emotions and acting accordingly is my personal definition of confidence.

    FEEL, Chime. The bad emotions will motivate you to get good ones. Which will be your reward.

  5. #5
    Chime's Avatar
    Chime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: A previous aphobic person is now terrified.

    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
    Jesus, Chime. This is oneitis at its worst. Which is probably also why you couldn't get her; oneitis makes you needy.

    Not giving a fark is far less important than feeling something for a woman. Without feelings it all just isn't worth it, as you have found out. I did the same thing. I have a psychopathic ability to shut down my emotions, and I did so for a long time but I didn't feel a thing for women. So it all wasn't worth it and I decided to turn them on again. Emotions motivate you to do anything, and the good ones are also your reward for succeeding at what you do. Following your emotions and acting accordingly is my personal definition of confidence.

    FEEL, Chime. The bad emotions will motivate you to get good ones. Which will be your reward.
    Thing is, I don't feel for anyone.
    The past six months have been me living in Detroit [instead of Cleveland, like I had for the previous 5 years] and trying to find a girl I feel something for. One girl I was f*cking I wanted to feel something for her. She was cute, funny, and good in bed but I didn't feel anything. I tried to force it and that didn't even work.

    Even before I came to detroit I haven't felt anything for a girl in a while. It sucks. I dated a girl who said she was in love with me and almost got married to her, cause I figured I don't care anymore. I don't feel anything and getting married to her would be useful for a few reasons.

    It's been about 2 years of numbness.
    Then I run into Amy again and am like . o O (WTF!!! There's emotions going on in here. Good ones, bad ones, neutral ones, but they're there.). I felt afraid of her rejecting me, happy that she's around, I felt all sorts of things. I'd go with that over sex any day. I cried myself to sleep last night and it was better than any sex I've ever had [that is, the sex that doesn't involve emotions... cause if the emotions are there the sex is great].

    Either way I texted her and told her how I felt. She said she likes me too.
    Oneitis isn't what makes a person needy and clingy. There's actually nothing wrong with oneitis. Dependance, immaturity, and not dealing with your fears correctly will make you needy, clingy, and all the other horrible shit that's usually associated with oneitis [I mean... generally speaking someone with oneitis and poor social skills is going to be afraid].

    I told her how I felt. She knows me and knows I just want honesty. She said she likes me but she's saving herself for predator [a long time ago we watched Alien vs Predator 1, and when the predators mask came off she said "Forget jesus, I'm saving myself for Predator."]. So I laughed.

    I guess I just figured out what I want to do anyway. I want to try it out and if I fail, oh the fuck well, we'll probably be friends forever cause she's pretty awesome and both our families are close. If it works out, fucking sweeeeeeeeeeeet!


    I just needed to talk to someone about it I guess. Thanks.


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