I'll summarize quite a lot in the beginning. Nothing interesting before day 3 anyway.
It's important to note that I really like this girl. I'have been having fun since I arrived in the city and woudln't mind a LTR.
Location : San Francisco
Me : 26, good situation, live alone downtown french accent, 6ft high, athletic, talkative. Respectful with women, even one night stand.
Her : 25, HB8, from east coast, intelligent, amazing smile, really sweet, funny, talkative, "good girl" profile, lives alone with her big dog, works sometimes at night, LTR potential
Meeting : OKCupid. For the poeple familiar with OKcupid. It is interesting to note her following answers to the following questions :
- Would you date someone just for the sex? : YES
- Would you rather : Do the tying
- Do you know the first name of every person you've ever made out with? : NO
- Were you in love with the first person you ever slept with? NO
- In terms of sex, how experienced would your ideal mate be (with people other than you)? Moderately Experienced
- Could you have respect for someone after having sex with them on the first meeting/date? : YES
- Which is more important for a good match? Having good sex
- Which is better: sex without sleeping together or sleeping together without sex Sleeping together
- Do you feel guilty or bad after having sex? Never
- Would you date someone that you'd had a one night stand with? Yes, but only if I liked that person.
She HAS NOT answered the question : "How many dates before having sex"
Day -5 : I messaged her first, exchange a few email, and I proposed a date. She agreed directly and gave me her number.
Between Day -5 and Day 1 : We exchange a few text, nothing much, she initiated first the texting about something we talked the night before
Day 1 : I suggested a day date at the museum, was a fashion exhibit from a french designer, quite naughty. Lot of fun, Good feeling, walked a bit in the museum and in the park after date. Date duration : Almost 2 hour. End : Hug
We agreed for a date the same day (I suggested), almost no text between Date 1 and Date 2. She never initiated the texting
Day 3 (Wednesday) We went to a nice Italian restaurant downtown. I arranged things so we would seat next to each other. We ordered a bottle of wine that we drank together. INCREDIBLE feeling, we almost did not eat and we talked and laughed a lot between 8 and 10.30. I paid
I suggested her to have a drink on my rooftop terrace (2 blocks away from the restaurant), she agreed without hesitation. One more glass of wine, a bit of talking and I kissed her. No french kiss, she kept his tongue inside her mouth . She seemed pretty sober.
We went in my apartment, kissed again but I could feel that she was not into anything more that night, I didn't touch any strategic bodypart. I had really that feeling by the way she kissed and behaved. Nevertheless she stayed in my apartment without expressing the need to leave (was 2.00 AM) So I suggested to call a cab and tell her that I didn't want to rush things (she answered "that's good")
When I went back to my appartement I told myself "Damn, you screwed up, she just wanted you to suggest her to stay, even if it was just to sleep together without sex". I realised that she might have interpreted the "don't want to rush things" + "Calling a Taxi" as a way for me to get rid of her.
So the next morning (Day 4) I text her.
Day 4 : I texted her whe I arrived at the office 7.30 AM
Comment for PUA FORUM I now it was early
ME " I had a great time yesterday, are you free on friday ? "
Comment for PUA Forum (strategic error there, might seem a bit needy but I wanted her to understand that I cared and didn't want to get rid of her the day before)
HER : Hi ! I had a ton of fun ! [Inside joke about last night] Anyway I hope you're having a good day. friday I have some friends in town - maybe sunday after work ?
ME : Sunday I've blablabla but I'll be back around 8pm I guess, did you have something in mind ?
Her : Haha yeah you told me about that, you'll probably be exhausted. No worries, text me when you got home if you feel like it. otherwise we can catch up next week
Me : I will text you, if not, wait a day and call 911
Her : Haha. OK
Day 5 :
Me : Hello (in another language she wants to learn) What about an home made dessert and a glass of wine sunday night at my place ? You can't say no !
Her : Haha are you teaching me XXX ? it's a deal
Me : Great, I hope I'll not be back to late sunday, do you work on monday
Comment for PUA FORUM : Wanted to know if she would have the night
Her : No, I'm off on monday
Me : All right, I'll text you as soon as I know at what time I'll be back in SF. Have a good day
Her : Thanks FrenchySF ! You too, talk to you soon.
20H : Me : Hi HB8 how's been your day doing ? I got a sunburn today haha - About tomorrow, I had to cancel XXX, so feel free to come over when you want
NO ANSWER that day although she wasn't working.
Day 6 (and date 3)
Her, 9.00 AM : Oh no ! Where is your suncreen ? I'll be home from work around 7, so I can grab the train and come over.
Her directly after her first message : What are you going to do now that the xxx is nixed ? I hope you don't plan on more sunbathing
Me : Haha, It woudn't be a good idea indeed.I'm goonna meet some friends, but first : operation home dessert.
Her : Yaay ! Haha see you later
Me : Yes, have a good day
Her : Thanks FrenchySF, you too
Around 8PM she arrived at my place, good feeling, we laughed a lot, eat the dessert (was impressed), she was sitting at the other end of the couch. I tell her to come closer, we made out. And then...
Nothing[u] I tried to escalate a bit, no reaction at all. The most sexual thing she did (for 30 seconds) was touching my back. After like 40 minutes I was not even excited anymore. I feeled stupid to try and having no reaction, I felt that she also grabbed my hand every-time I could have touch her under her belt.
I usually work with feeling, I'm not a pusher, and that day I felt nothing. She was smiling the whole time, seemed to be happy to be there but, no sex in the air NO AT ALL.
Actually I didn't care at all even though I'm not used to date "slow" girl. We almost spend 11-12 hours together, the feeling was excellent, lots of laughing and alone in my apartment. It's a bit non consistent with her answer to the okcupid questions though in which she seems quite open to the thing.
She then said that she had to leave, I suggested her to spend the night and said that "I can behave" with a big smile" She said that she had to go anyway. Furthermore her dog would need to pee.
I walked with her to the metro station. She grabbed my hand during the way, she kissed me again during the way. Nothing was apparently wrong. She told me that she worked at night the whole week but that we could see each other on the week end. She left
At first I was wondering myself what the hell went wrong then decided that she was probably just "slow" and that 3 dates was not a big time spent together after all, even though the feeling was good between us. Then I send her text because I wanted her to feel confortable about the fact that we didn't have sex even though it was obvious I would want to.
Me : I really enjoy spending time with you. I think I'm gonna miss your smile until next week end
Comment for PUA forum : cheezy I know
Her : Aw, I'll Miss your smile too, and the rest of you haha. Kiss from me and XXX (her dog).
Me : Kiss back to you and XXX. You should have brought him some dessert !
Her : Haha he would have eaten the entire remaining 2kg. Thanks for dessert Good night FrenchySF
Me : My pleasure. Good night HB8
At that point I felt that as I wanted a LTR with her and as she seemed to be slow. I would have to keep contact with random text until the week end in order to not lose comfort. My idea was to wait Wednesday and then suggest a day date (Like bicycle to the GG bridge and then sausalito) for Saturday afternoon
Day 7 (yesterday) :
Around 10pm; knowing that she was off
Me : I meet a women with a Huge XXX in the elevator this morning (Just like HB8dog I guess) I'd rather have him on my side. Hope he'll like me haha
Her (15 seconds later) : Haha I hope so
Actually I send this text in hope that she would ask me or tell me something so we could exchange a bit. No need to say that I had noting to replicate to her answer.
Looking at my field report from an external point of view :
1° I think I might seemed a bit needy and "too nice" but :
- I think it was adapted to the style of girl (very sweet, not bitchy at all)
- I suck with text game
- I sent 1 text a day max (+answer to the first text)
2° I don't really understand what that girl wants
3° I decided to freeze out to see if she would react. I want her to send me one farking text first and to suggest a date time for the week end ==> No reaction so far. I plan to stay silent until Thursday morning and then send
"Still alive ? I don't know about american guys, but I am not going to pursue you. From where I'm from, no contact means no interest. Hope I'm wrong"
What do you think ? Can you understand what game she's playing ? Do you agree with my decision to freeze out ? What do you think about what I plan to send on Thursday morning if no reaction ? Should I wait until friday night ?
Maybe I'm totally wrong, maybe american girls are always like that and wait for the guy to take the initiative to text all the time and suggest even the 4th date... I don't know, you tell me !
Should I initiate the texting and suggest a date again ?
Thank you very much for reading my post. I plan to write many more.
Have a good day