What Iím about to tell you is really all true, though it may seem fucked up. There is this girl whoís been working in the same office as me for around 10 months now. To tell you everything thatís happened would be too long and convoluted (there are a few posts of mine from the last few months that detail a few things, if youíre interested). I know this sounds fucked up but she has long term, long distance boyfriend, though they did split up once. We got on really well etc, talked loads at work, loads of emails and loads of IOIís from her over the months. When she has been really drunk on a night out she has kissed me on the lips more than once (at most 1-2 seconds) and thereís been other clear IOIís. To summarise everything up, I clearly had several opportunities to get her but due to my severe lack of experience and stupidity, I didnít take them. Now Iíve got a new job in a totally different city and will be leaving my current place of work in 2 weeks. This means that after 2 weeks it will be all finished for good.
Now Iím pretty damn sure this is a oneitis given how much this has consumed me over the last few months and how bad itís making me feel. However, it is a oneitis not in the sense of wanting a LTR with her - but about wanting her, wanting something Iíve wanted for so long and how it will fuck up my confidence even more if I donít get her. It is clear from her behaviour that she is not relationship material but that hasnít stopped me from wanting to have her (nail her to put it crudely).
Obviously Iím writing this in the hope something might happen within the next 2 weeks before I leave, but realistically I need to know how to deal with this and change my mindset. In my mind I know it was obvious I should have got her in the past. I kept thinking I really should be getting her, and that if I donít get her before I leave, I will feel so much regret and pain because itís something that I want so badly and had the chances to get. But this mindset made it even worse and it consumed me so much that it has almost become an obsession.
My game has completely gone out the window (assuming I had any in the first place) and there is no doubt my recent AFC behaviour has hampered my chances. The problem is though that now if I still focus on getting her, the pain will only get worse and it will be harder to get over if nothing happens. What I need to do is genuinely change my mindset so that 1) If nothing happens it means these next two weeks and beyond will not feel like hell and 2) It may give me a better chance in these final two weeks with her.
I know this may sound like itís just a crush etc, but I have genuinely never felt like this in my entire life and Iím 29. To be honest, I donít know why Iím feeling this so deeply.