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  1. #1
    Rocky's Avatar
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    Default Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Hi guys,

    Ok, here I go:

    So met a great girl (26) and started an LDR where I (32) am in Sydney she is in Melbourne. I originally moved from Melbourne to Sydney for work way before we met, and met her out of town. We decide to give it a go and make it work (her idea). We decide that every two weeks we will alternate and either one of us would fly to see the other person for the weekend.

    It's been 5 months of awesomeness, seeing each other every two weeks, flying back and forth and speaking for hours every night and texting all day long. We have told each other we love one another (in person) and we are peachy.

    I told her that I want to be at my job for at least 1yr before I decide whether I want to move back to Melbourne, (that would make it 5 more months of being together). She may be part of my decision, but ultimately it would be my choice if I were ready to move.

    She flies to me one weekend and we drive away to a weekend holiday destination and during the trip she wanted me to walk with her at her pace, while I was smelling the roses and looking at all cool kinds of nature stuff. I told her that I wanted to enjoy the journey and revel in the environment I am in and she should join in. She said no, she just wants to get to the end of the walking track. So fine I think, and tell her I'll catch up. For the rest of the weekend she is all cold and distant, but we still make the most of it and have fun. I try and talk to her but nothing. I act as if nothing is wrong and playfully be myself. At the airport she gets angry and annoyed because I haven't booked my ticket to Melbourne to come and visit her yet. I reassure her that I will and its 2 weeks away, it's no big deal. (I smell insecurities)

    For the next 2 weeks she doesn't return my calls or texts and always makes excuses to not talk to me about why she is acting this way. So I leave it until I decide to go visit her after the two weeks.

    1. I text her that I bought my ticket to come visit her. Her response = "Great!". That's it then nothing.

    2. She doesn't answer my calls and is really distant and makes excuses for not being able to talk to me.

    3. I ask if she want me to still come to visit her. It's ok if she doesn't, I just want to know if she does or doesn't. She says "Of course I want you to come and visit. I miss you and I'm crazy about you."

    This weekend when I went to visit her, she is late in picking me up, hasn't done her hair and a bit dishevelled. Totally expected me to get the entire bill at the restaurant for dinner, no sex and slept with her back to me most of the night. In the morning the purposely puts on her alarm later than usual, not giving us enough time to be alone before going out for the day. I wake up early anyway and try to tickle, play be gentle, but nothing. She pretends to be asleep. So I leave her to be.

    That afternoon after an abrupt conversation about why she is so silent and I know and feel like something is up, I finally got it out of her what's going on.

    1. She is finding the emotions to hard to handle. She says our relationship is on steroids for 48 hours then it goes away when one of us goes back home, and she cannot handle it. It's too hard and she doesn't want to feel like that.

    2. After what I said to her on our weekend away, she thinks that she makes me not able to be myself and restricts me in being myself. Which in turn makes her really sad and upset at herself. So she doesn't want to restrict me and thinks ending it would be better than her being upset at herself all the time. (crazy!! and insecure me thinks)

    3. She doesn't want the long distance relationship any more, but also doesn't want me to move back as it would create tremendous pressure on her, me and the relationship. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I told her it would be my decision entirely, not holding her responsible or judging her upon my decision to move for myself, with the relationship, her and my life in mind.

    4. She thinks we are too different. But I find these differences very attractive. Her challenges and differences make her extremely attractive to me. I enjoy discussing and contemplating with her and she challenges me and is extremely considerate to my needs.

    So that's it. I packed my stuff from her place as soon as she told me, and said I didn't want to be around if she felt that way about me. She needs her space and I respect her feelings. I called her that night to see how she was feeling. I could tell she had been crying. And I told her I respected her decision not to want to feel sad all the time. She said she could'n't see any feasible solution or band-aid to the situation.

    Though I would think that if you love someone, you would do whatever it takes to make it work, and everything else falls to the sides and is not as important as the person who you love, no matter how hard it is.

    I want us to work, and to be together the way we have been until I am ready to move back. I could move now, but that would put too much pressure on us both and the relationship to work. She says she loves me but doesn't see how she can be happy like this.

    I see her reasons as being too weak to continue and a cop-out. I seriously see us being great together and don't see any of these emotional issues she does, but I totally understand them and don't want her to feel sad or unhappy.

    I love her, she loves me. I want to make this work!

    Sad, at a loss, and confused.

    yours,
    Rocky

  2. #2
    Rocky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Hey All,

    Since writing the post above, I have decided to write down my feelings and thoughts to either be able to send to her as an email or to express these same sentiments over the phone in a couple of days time.

    Please feel free to read and give constructive feedback.

    (after trying to upload in many different file formats and always seeming to exceed the limit even though limit is no-where near reached , I have simply cut and pasted below)

    Cheers,
    Rocky

    Dearest XXXX,
    I am writing to you in the hope to better understand you and to also better communicate your sentiment, and my heart-felt understanding of where I am coming from as well. I want to get my words into black and white so it gets things out of my head, off my chest and is an easy way to digest and hear what I have to say and to communicate with you.
    This change of heart coming from you is quite sudden and I don’t quite understand where it is coming from. I would like to know more and would like you to share your feeling of this with me please. I would like to know, from you, what you truly feel and think and want. Are your friends influencing your decisions here? Is there someone else in your heart or on your mind? What are your true and real reasons for wanting this to end? Do you have plans that you do not want me a part of? Truthfully, wholly and honestly, please. I put no judgement on you and take you for who you are. I would like to know to settle my own heart and mind.

    [Moderator: Removed SUPER sappy AFC stuff]


    Lovingly,
    XXXXX

  3. #3
    Rocky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Please delete this thread
    REMOVE
    Posted incorrectly and need it removed urgently please!

    Thank you

  4. #4
    Errant's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Dont DONT DONT DONT DONT send that to her,
    You will drive her further away.
    Dont let her problems become your problems.
    Just tell her, You are going to give her all the space she needs, no contact at all (very important) and that once she sorts out her problems you will be there.
    other wise you come off as been needy, insecure, and put her back at the top of the equation. remember you are the prize.
    And once she realizes that again, she will come back.

  5. #5
    Rocky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Thanks for your reply, and thanks to the Mod for removing my soppy AFC garb!

    I totally agree with what was replied. Thank you for your no nonsense answer.

    It's been 4 days since we last spoke. How do I tell/call/text her to let her know I'm going to give her space and be here when she is ready, if I'm not supposed to have ANY contact with her?

    I am in love, and will move to solve these issues that have come up. You live once. I have the attitude of make the most of what you've got. Anything is possible. I will do what it takes, as me moving is the only way we can be together and avoid these issues that come up.

    It's not a big deal for me to move as I originally come from where she lives, and have lived there most of my life. Is this giving in. I am ready to move and make the must of life and our relationship.

    Cheers,
    Rocky

  6. #6
    Rocky's Avatar
    Rocky is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    How long do I wait to call her to tell her I am ready to move back? This will require commitment on both our behalves.

    I guess I won't know in her mind if it is over for good and if she still loves me unless I call her to tell her I am ready to move - why wait 5 months?? (for my ego?, no thanks)

    Rocky

  7. #7
    Penticle is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Is this threat real or a joke? I cant tell, if its real, I feel bad for you. I don't think any advice would work to fix this situation, you need to go work on your own self esteem, confidence and learn to not accept second class behaviour from yourself or anyone else. The second she didn't return your calls, you should have called her out on it and ended it there. You lost power, and power is what makes someone a man. Once that was gone, it was game over. Go read some PUA material to understand the power dynamics a bit more. From where I am standing, it seems that she is the most important thing in your life, more important than you. Remember your the most important thing in your life, and your needs should be put before hers, and if she isnt going to respect you for that then you dont want to waste another day letting her determine your worth.

  8. #8
    Penticle is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Oh and to answer your last question, do not call her again, get over her, and find someone new. Sorry if I came accross as harsh I dont mean to, I just think you need to be spoken to blankly to wake you up from this trance this nice lady has you in. You only want her more and more because you feel like she is rejecting you.

  9. #9
    Rocky's Avatar
    Rocky is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    Yeh totally. I see the errors of my ways now. It's so easy to not see what is really going on, and let your emotions rule...

    Penticle you were right on the money. She is totally not worth the energy and time if she cannot see that I need to put myself first. So thank you, and I appreciate the kick in the ass. We all need it as soon as we get blinded by our emotions and want for love, sex, relationship, which in turn becomes needy behaviour. Keep up bring as harsh as you see fit

    Been a couple if months now, been working on myself and feeling good.

    Cannot wait to meet the next girl.

    Adventures in love and life,
    Rocky

  10. #10
    Penticle is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help With Irrational Reasons for Breaking Up

    That makes me happy to hear that! Glad to hear and good luck :-)


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