Ok, here I go:
So met a great girl (26) and started an LDR where I (32) am in Sydney she is in Melbourne. I originally moved from Melbourne to Sydney for work way before we met, and met her out of town. We decide to give it a go and make it work (her idea). We decide that every two weeks we will alternate and either one of us would fly to see the other person for the weekend.
It's been 5 months of awesomeness, seeing each other every two weeks, flying back and forth and speaking for hours every night and texting all day long. We have told each other we love one another (in person) and we are peachy.
I told her that I want to be at my job for at least 1yr before I decide whether I want to move back to Melbourne, (that would make it 5 more months of being together). She may be part of my decision, but ultimately it would be my choice if I were ready to move.
She flies to me one weekend and we drive away to a weekend holiday destination and during the trip she wanted me to walk with her at her pace, while I was smelling the roses and looking at all cool kinds of nature stuff. I told her that I wanted to enjoy the journey and revel in the environment I am in and she should join in. She said no, she just wants to get to the end of the walking track. So fine I think, and tell her I'll catch up. For the rest of the weekend she is all cold and distant, but we still make the most of it and have fun. I try and talk to her but nothing. I act as if nothing is wrong and playfully be myself. At the airport she gets angry and annoyed because I haven't booked my ticket to Melbourne to come and visit her yet. I reassure her that I will and its 2 weeks away, it's no big deal. (I smell insecurities)
For the next 2 weeks she doesn't return my calls or texts and always makes excuses to not talk to me about why she is acting this way. So I leave it until I decide to go visit her after the two weeks.
1. I text her that I bought my ticket to come visit her. Her response = "Great!". That's it then nothing.
2. She doesn't answer my calls and is really distant and makes excuses for not being able to talk to me.
3. I ask if she want me to still come to visit her. It's ok if she doesn't, I just want to know if she does or doesn't. She says "Of course I want you to come and visit. I miss you and I'm crazy about you."
This weekend when I went to visit her, she is late in picking me up, hasn't done her hair and a bit dishevelled. Totally expected me to get the entire bill at the restaurant for dinner, no sex and slept with her back to me most of the night. In the morning the purposely puts on her alarm later than usual, not giving us enough time to be alone before going out for the day. I wake up early anyway and try to tickle, play be gentle, but nothing. She pretends to be asleep. So I leave her to be.
That afternoon after an abrupt conversation about why she is so silent and I know and feel like something is up, I finally got it out of her what's going on.
1. She is finding the emotions to hard to handle. She says our relationship is on steroids for 48 hours then it goes away when one of us goes back home, and she cannot handle it. It's too hard and she doesn't want to feel like that.
2. After what I said to her on our weekend away, she thinks that she makes me not able to be myself and restricts me in being myself. Which in turn makes her really sad and upset at herself. So she doesn't want to restrict me and thinks ending it would be better than her being upset at herself all the time. (crazy!! and insecure me thinks)
3. She doesn't want the long distance relationship any more, but also doesn't want me to move back as it would create tremendous pressure on her, me and the relationship. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I told her it would be my decision entirely, not holding her responsible or judging her upon my decision to move for myself, with the relationship, her and my life in mind.
4. She thinks we are too different. But I find these differences very attractive. Her challenges and differences make her extremely attractive to me. I enjoy discussing and contemplating with her and she challenges me and is extremely considerate to my needs.
So that's it. I packed my stuff from her place as soon as she told me, and said I didn't want to be around if she felt that way about me. She needs her space and I respect her feelings. I called her that night to see how she was feeling. I could tell she had been crying. And I told her I respected her decision not to want to feel sad all the time. She said she could'n't see any feasible solution or band-aid to the situation.
Though I would think that if you love someone, you would do whatever it takes to make it work, and everything else falls to the sides and is not as important as the person who you love, no matter how hard it is.
I want us to work, and to be together the way we have been until I am ready to move back. I could move now, but that would put too much pressure on us both and the relationship to work. She says she loves me but doesn't see how she can be happy like this.
I see her reasons as being too weak to continue and a cop-out. I seriously see us being great together and don't see any of these emotional issues she does, but I totally understand them and don't want her to feel sad or unhappy.
I love her, she loves me. I want to make this work!
Sad, at a loss, and confused.