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  1. #1
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    I have read over advice on getting out of the friend zone, and I severely have made all the usual mistakes... I am wanting to fix it, but there is one problem with creating distance...we both live in the same house (three people living together due to expenses, each with their own room, but she sleeps in my room in a frustratingly platonic way almost nightly, wants me to cuddle or spoon but redlights anything else.) due to certain circumstances and due to money it will be months before either of us can move out.

    I have made all the worst mistakes, blowing time, money, attention, and sanity on her...and have ended up being the person she wants to fix everything, be her cuddle buddy,wallet, etc. She has no sense of modesty around me, but I feel that is more of looking at me like a piece of furnature than a person.

    Whenever the topic of dating has come up, she gets hostile, states she isn't interested etc...BUT anytime I try to break things off completely she either gets depressed and I cave, or becomes psychotic.

    Anytime I want space she gets hostile or depressed, but at the same time has completely friendzoned me. So I am looking for advice on how to get out of the friend zone under those circumstances.

  2. #2
    SonnyCurtis is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Get over this chick. There is absolutely no fixing it. She sounds like a manipulative bitch. What are you doing pining after this girl? Have some respect for yourself as a man and move on. Respect yourself and you will find a girl who respects you. It would be easier to fark 10 new girls than it would be to fark this one. Move on dude, you'll regret spending time on this girl so you better end it ASAP.

  3. #3
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Thank you for the reply. In the short term given we are still stuck living together, so trying to freeze out and dmh and tbh sincerely care less. Making some small progress by doing so, just having to remind myself to not get too caught up in any warm and fuzzy feelings.

  4. #4
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Kick her out of your bed tonight. Date other girls and bring them home. Maybe you'll get a 3-some. You are not the salvation army and her problems are not your business. If she gets psychotic get her evicted. She's using you. Shut it down.

  5. #5
    Coup is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    I would chime in, but what is right and what had to be said has already been said. Ignore your emotions concerning her immediately, at once. Repent of that. I don't know you brother Rjy3, but I do know full well this woman ain't anything deserving of you being her lap dog. This could be a great oppertunity to learn very much, very quickly, being as it may.

    Report back with how your situation changes after you apply the strong advice from the wise brothers above ( and once you do, remember to be a gentlemen about it. There is no cause to be a sh1t head, cos that is beta behavior).

  6. #6
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    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coup View Post
    ( and once you do, remember to be a gentlemen about it. There is no cause to be a sh1t head, cos that is beta behavior).
    Agree in principle, but not in practice. I alway tell guys feel free to be an asshole so long as you're a vindicated one. You are probably a greater man than I, because I have no mercy for women who finally get what they deserve.

    Dragon said some solid shit. Literally get her out of your bed asap (and all the rest of her shit out of your room and back into hers. I assume that if she's sleeping with you.) You're right with the freeze out, and it wouldn't hurt to bring some other girls home. Tell her this:

    "You don't get boyfriend benefits unless I'm actually you're boyfriend, and the way you use me you don't even deserve my friendship." So don't give it to her.

    I swear some girls just want to watch the world burn.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  7. #7
    Lonelywolfie28 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Kick her out of your bed tonight. Date other girls and bring them home. Maybe you'll get a 3-some. You are not the salvation army and her problems are not your business. If she gets psychotic get her evicted. She's using you. Shut it down.
    Dude I agree with this one. Just make sure she realizes you got home with some girls.
    She will came out of the shell and you will drive the relationship from there to wherever you want, if I am labeling this lady correctly, making her seeing/hearing you with other women will make her snap out of it and stop taking you as a toy.

  8. #8
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    A better explanation of circumstances and an update.
    We have known each other for two years, dated for all of a week, used to as of a year ago screw around periodically but never F@#ked. She always wanted bf benefits w/o anything sexual. The place we are staying at her family owns, so I can't get her evicted while she could very possibly get me evicted.

    I don't really care about dating her, just want to sleep with her.

    Since my initial post and reading over replies, I started freezing her out, and albeit rather slowly, started putting into practice other advice. I have told her that I have no interest in being her friend or bf, I care about her, and I find her attractive. Started showing her when other girls flirt or when they want to make plans. This weekend made plans to go to a party without her, and again lunch with one woman and movies with two others Monday. Was doing well with freezing her out and dhv...BUT also been shooting myself in the foot. Still being too nice, and still having a hard time trying to consistently change the dynamic between us.

    i.e. I am taking other girls out, but still taking her out too. told her I want to sleep by myself this weekend, but haven't told her to move herself and her stuff back to her room.

    Started playfully but seriously expressing sexual interest and kino, initially she was receptive but I overdid it.

    I recently told her I am saving up to move out and she panicked. We ended up arguing along the lines of she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me.
    Which is essentially true. She was initially apparently receptive, but this morning the person who wants to cuddle and has to constantly touch me or get upset barely spoke or touched me at all, all the while swearing nothing was wrong.

    At this point I am wanting to get her out of my room, and keep my plans with other people. To try to change up the balance of power as it were.

    Something I cannot figure out is this. By her nature, any lack of interest I have in giving her attention she perceives as me being upset and she blows up.

    I am trying to figure out how to freeze her out and refocus on putting myself in control without her blowing up if I don't cuddle, or want to sleep alone, or whatever it happens to be at the time. Also, since I overdid the kino etc, she didn't get really bothered by overdoing it, but it began losing effectiveness, and it felt like too soon to try to make a transition to intimacy.

    I feel like overall I am making progress, but it is slow.

    As always, all advise and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

  9. #9
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    It's really simple - less talk and more action. She's heard you talk for 2 years. Either boot her out your room and start bringing girls back or move out. Being receptive is when she has sex with you, all she is doing now is to continue to use you in a slightly different manner and all you are doing is remaining nice in a slightly different manner. If she blows up at anything along the way ignore her completely and don't enter into such rubbish. She won't give you sex, don't give her an argument, walk out the door and find someone out there you want sex AND a relationship with. Lifes short, when you work - work hard, when you play - play hard and when you party - get down and boogie.

  10. #10
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting out of the friendzone, with one more problem.

    Yeah we did the whole dating thing briefly but she spazzed over anything sexual recently. Told her I wanted to be left alone, and not doing anything for her. I made a point of being civil. AFC behavior + her general opinion I look ugly as sin, which is admittedly true. Doing -everything- for her made me angry all the time, and didn't focus on getting myself together, overweight, old clothes, etc. So what shot I did have I blew. Stuck living there for awhile, but focusing on improving myself. I work most of the next 3-4 weeks so sticking to that, self-improvement, and plans with others while she has to deal without an emotional tampon/wallet.


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