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  1. #1
    auhan is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default First poster, Incel, got my emotional car filled, but need a basic roadmap

    21 years old, going to get my bachelor's next year from UM Ann Arbor, single-handedly defeated my depression and weight troubles. I should be proud right?

    This afternoon, I would've said wrong, but no need for that.

    As somebody who's never had ANY sort of female interaction (outside of female friends), I'm looking for the VERY basics of trying to get out of the hole I dug myself into. Bullied from elementary to early high school, fatherless until 7th grade, and parents who obviously did not have successful marriages, the only things I was taught to do for my personality was "I love you for the way you are" "Just be yourself" or "Shut up and nobody will notice you" "If you stick out of the crowd we'll knock you out" You get the picture.

    I'll save you any more words for fear of boring you and getting myself depressed again.

    This will probably be best addressed to role models I'm looking up to (ashamed of their virginity in adulthood, but managing to change their lives for the better). I'm looking for the basics on starting a social life, and interaction with other human beings. I'm less concerned with females, since I'm pretty much incapable of understanding how to talk to women, and likely to stick that way (too late for me, imo).

    Let me know what you did to break your social anxiety and reclusiveness. No mocking or hate please, I'm pretty much rock bottom so it's no use trying to dig a bigger grave.

    On an unrelated topic, I'm an atheist who's always followed "God helps those who help themselves." I know I'm a special case among the human race, but social support and motivation can do wonders.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: First poster, Incel, got my emotional car filled, but need a basic road

    Quote Originally Posted by auhan View Post
    21 years old, going to get my bachelor's next year from UM Ann Arbor, single-handedly defeated my depression and weight troubles. I'm pretty much incapable of understanding how to talk to women, and likely to stick that way (too late for me, imo).
    Ok your only 21 and it's never too late to learn how to talk to women. I am still learning and I'm 40. 'Always be the beginner' as the zen saying goes.

    You have just said you accomplished a degree, defeated depression (debatable) and lost some weight. Those things IMO are difficult and excellent achievements! Probably harder than meeting girls actually.

    Your past does not equal your future. A positive attitude will take you anywhere you want to go and is contagious. Start with small steps and just talk to anyone you meet around you and be pleasant. Open a door for someone and tell them 'what a lovely day it is', compliment the lady at the store on her hair, smile as you pass by a cute girl on campus. You dont have to stick out from the crowd, just be part of it. 'The secret to life is not about winning or loosing but turning up and giving it a go'.

    I have felt like Ive always grown considerably when I have taken a risk and moved somewhere else for fortune. Ive moved to several different parts of the world and my home country with work and have never ever looked back. I always had the attitude 'if it doesn't work out I can always go back...' but I never did.

    It's all practice. Just keep talking to people, smile and be positive. You dont have to go from nothing to asking the hottest girls out. Just work on making a hot girl smile or laugh. Maybe that could be your first goal. Make a hot girl smile. You're in a coffee shop getting a drink...girl who serves you is cute. Smile and say 'thanks for the awesome coffee, wish you a great day' or 'I like your hair style, it suits you'. She will smile.

    Role models can be important. I was confident but quiet when I first graduated. Then I started a job with a guy who had a golden tongue. He could sell sand to the arabs. I was his protege and quiet in his presence usually but when I eventually left that work place I had picked up so much of his lingo and behaviour I also became a bit of a motomouth and cocky bastard myself. So life is very much who you surround yourself with. 'Good artists copy, great artists steal'. I stole my boss's confidence. If you surround yourself with miserable people you will be miserable, if you seek out and surround yourself with positive people you will be positive. So choose your friends wisely. No one likes a whiner so don't whine.

    You are a child of the universe and have every right to love yourself. Design a life of abundance rather than making a living. Like architecture, you only need to start out with loose concept plans first, you dont need to instantly build the tower.

    Start by changing your vocabulary. Your not in a hole, you are taking off into space. You are not incapable but incredible. You are not wrong, you are right. You are not boring you are interesting.

    You could also watch the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza does the opposite of everything he's ever done in his past and gets more success than he can cope with. Its quite funny.

    Good luck


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