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  1. #11
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Well that's the thing. She's leaving Tuesday. I tried to make plans Saturday but she had plans already. She asked what I was doing Sunday and I told her I was busy and to call me tomorrow so we can make plans. I didn't want to be the one trying to make the plans again so I figured this put the ball in her court to see if she really wanted to meet up.

    So if she says she is free tomorrow and wants to hang out, do I say ok as it may be my only opportunity to see her before she leaves?

    Also, lets say she leaves and we don't hang out. Should I wait for her to initiate conversation or should I continue being the one to do so. I feel like not saying anything and letting her do this would be better as me doing it might show a sign of desperation.

    Lastly, there's no chance she found someone within a few days. She's been with family and we just had this conversation a few days ago. I don't think I've emphasized enough that she REALLY adores me as a friend, so deciding not to do anything or doing something that she feels may make the friendship weird, is pretty much not going to happen. She likes/liked me as a friend a lot more than I did her and I know she wouldn't risk messing things up like that. What I'm saying is, I know the interest is there and I know she will continue talking to me. I'm just trying to see what the best way is to go about closing the deal (be it tomorrow if we hang out, or if she leaves and when she comes back in 3 weeks). I kinda want to know how to play either scenario as both seem to be kind of possible.

  2. #12
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Not going to lie; I thought this would be a lot easier once she put herself out there by saying she wanted to date me. I didn't realize how much work I had to put in to make this work.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Yes just go see her. If she calls and wants to hang out then go for it. Only if you want to escalate though which I'm assuming you do. And if you want her to chase then after she leaves just wait a few days then call her yourself. Sometimes you have to teach women how to chase you since sometimes they just don't know if they should. That's where tension comes in. Its a great way to allow her to chase you without fear of rejection. Also its about give and take. If you call her first just make sure she does something for you that furthers her investment in you to make up for it.

  4. #14
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    No phone call to plan anything yet today...

    Would calling her out on being indecisive be a deal breaker? Even though I would have said something like that to her since we're close friends? Do I treat this like we aren't friends anymore or a mix of both? Also, should she not call at all today and go the weekend without trying to make plans, how would I approach that? Obviously that would have to be brought up next time we spoke, no?

    I'm not ready to give up on this one yet.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    That seems to be the issue with having expectations. When a man has one and there's a clock ticking in his mind and the countdown gets closer to zero our behavior becomes more and more desperate if we are not careful. Try to remove the expectation of seeing her this weekend and go back to being the same friend you have always been. Changing your behavior patterns now may stir up the "buyers remorse" philsophy. You have been friends a long time and the is not even close to the last opportunity with her. If you have called her on her bs before, then keep doing that. Only when you are in privacy should you change your behavior in order to escalate physically. Be wary of any resistance. If there is any just calibrate and escalate further later on. Escalation should be push/pull to build tension. Ex: spanking each other for fun or making it seem like you're going to kiss her then back away. You want so much tension that "you can cut it with a knife" and get comfortable with this discomfort and I'm sure she eventually will just jump onto you and you won't be able to stop her.

  6. #16
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Ok I think I'm gonna call her out on it because I've done that in the past; but subtlety so as to not make her think I'm actually upset that we didn't hang out. Then I'll do the flirt/tease routine. I'm just a little weary that combined with the fact that she stated prior that she wanted to act like nothing happened + more time passing, she really may lose feelings and go back to just seeing me as a friend. Is that something I should be worried about or just stick with your tips and I should be fine?

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    That's why it's important to not let the tension dissipate. It's what she takes with her when you are apart and if it's enough tension, that will hold her over for awhile. And if enough time passes and it does dissipate then just start over again. Tension/ attraction whichever you'd want to call it, you have to treat it like a flame. If it is not fed it will dissipate. The risk is that once it dissipates now you have burnt wood that is difficult to light again. Notice I say difficult, but not impossible. Also she said she wants to pretend nothing happened...most of the time I don't think women really know whats happening to them so what they say to you is actually what they are saying to themselves. That's plausible deniability and just let her soak in her own confusion. It will only benefit you. Or it's possible that she may have said that to not scare you off. Either way do not draw attention to it directly. Lots of times if you pretend she didn't even say that they she will forget as well. DiCarlo said whatever you put your attention/focus on, you give it power. Try to focus on only things that will benefit you and treat the rest like they don't exist.

  8. #18
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    How do I create tension while she is gone, especially if you are suggesting I go back to being the same friend I was before? I understand creating tension when I'm around her but if the only means of communication is phone/text/or online then I'm not sure how to keep tension there.

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Mind you that if you do go through with this your friendship WILL be over. There will be no going back and any kind of salvaging would never get it back to the way it was before. Accept this as truth. So really make sure you want this. If you feel the risk is enough then I say go for it. They always say you should date your best friend. But tread with caution. I personally like to have at least one female friend that I have alot of tension with since they make it easier to get your mind off of a woman that may be filling your mind at the time. And female friends are a great distraction.

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Tension doesn't have to be sexual. It can mean she knows you're mad at her and you aren't speaking to her or you can try telling her there's something you want to tell her but not sure how. Naturally she will want to know what it is, but you must never give it to her. People's' imagination can do most of the work for you if you allow it. Just anything that can create intrigue or mystery. Of course you do not want to drag the same intrigue material all the way until you meet again so you will need to refresh it by slowly revealing things little by litte. Think of it as an episode of Lost. Wait 5 episodes for them to explain something, then when you finally get it it only creates more questions.


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