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  1. #1
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Hi guys. So I'm in need of help here. Let me explain the situation as best as I can.

    I met this girl back in high school...I liked her back then, got rejected but kept her around as a friend. Lost feelings for her. We remained pretty close friends though. Fast forward to last week and she calls me for my birthday. She always constantly jokes by saying "we should date" and I brush it off as such. This time though, she got very serious when I did. I jokingly said me too, and she said she was serious and that if I felt the same way I would have said it first, etc...I'm still thinking she's joking at this point so I brush it off at which point she seemed really upset. A few days later I asked her about it and she was still angry so we got into the topic and she told me she was serious about it and her feelings for me. I basically told her I'd give it a shot and that I kinda had a thing for her as well.

    Now, she just came home for the weekend (lives in a different state) and I've hit her up the past 2 times. She seemed a bit weird when we were texting and hasn't contacted me to make plans yet. I'd like to hang out tonight but I don't want to constantly being the one to hit her up.

    So my question is, do I wait this out now and risk not seeing her this weekend and have her go back home (she won't be home for another month), or do I hit her up again today and make plans (seems a little desperate, no?). And how do I react to this if she doesn't reach out to try to make plans this weekend as I don't want to screw this up.



    Edit:
    Another thing...we were very close friends through this time and during our conversation about this she brought up the fact that she initially wanted to forget about it because she didn't want it to screw up our friendship (before I told her I feel the same way). I'm just not sure why she'd bring that up after telling me she's feeling me...what's the point? Clearly she took a calculated risk by saying this and thought it was worth it, no? Otherwise she wouldn't have said anything about her feelings for me.

    I could be overreacting here but I just want this to work and I see no reason it shouldn't as we both know we like each other but it seems pretty difficult to try to set up plans when it really shouldn't be.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    An update:

    I called her today...she didn't answer for a while. Told me she was with family after and asked what I was up to. I tried to make plans. She told me she was busy tonight and asked what I was doing tomorrow. To not seem too available I told her I was busy tomorrow but to call me and we can plan something out.

    I'm just not understanding, considering she's the one who brought this all up, and why she'd say she wanted to forget about it to not ruin our friendship. If she didn't want things possibly messing up the friendship, why would she bring all of this up in the first place? She was pissed that I didn't initially respond how she wanted me to, after which, I did, and now she's being weird about it.

    It seems that the only logical explanations are that she was either playing me, which seems pretty impossible considering how good of friends we were and how emotional she was about all of this, or that she maybe felt she was coming across as too desperate and backed away. To the last point though, if you seem desperate towards someone but they are also trying to make plans with you, wouldn't you follow through?

    It just seems odd that it seems like a chore to make plans with her despite both of us saying we had feelings for each other and the fact that she specifically said she wanted to date.

    What do you think I should do when she calls tomorrow? When we hang out? And also, what should I do if we end up not hanging out this weekend and she heads back home until the end of June. How do I play it then?

    And please, focus on this situation; I know some people will suggest just finding someone else but as of right now, its a sticky situation considering we are very close friends. We both understand that if this doesn't work out, we probably wouldn't talk anymore and I know for a fact she doesn't want that, nor do I. It seems like the only thing to do is hang out and seal the deal but I'm not sure. Would love to hear your advice on it. Thanks guys.

    Any other questions just ask.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    This kind of stuff happens all the time. Could just be that she realized what she did and changed her mind and really does want to forget about it. But if you decide that you want to keep going with this, knowing that you can never go back to your original friendship then they're are tactics to escalating with a friend. Just increase your flirting and Kino. And don't talk about dating like its a contract. In fact font bring up a romantic relationship at all. It has to seem the romance is an accident. Focus on changing her mood, not her mind.

  4. #4
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    I just looked back at conversations we had in the past on Facebook and it's evident she's liked me for a WHILE now. At least 6 months. I just never picked up on it because I didn't see her like that until she finally made it obvious and admitted it.

    How should I go about handling this? How do I change her mood? Should I go back to downplaying it and taking it very slow? Do I make a move when we hang out? Do I bring up the conversation at all?

    It seems really odd that she would like me for 6+ months and change her mind at the drop of a dime. Seems weird. Especially knowing that her changing her mind would mess up the friendship pretty fast.

    So yea, how do I handle it from here? I get what you're saying but HOW do I do it? Should I hang out with her tomorrow if she wants to hang out or say I'm busy and not see her at all this weekend? And what should I do/say when we hang out?

    Thanks for the feedback.

  5. #5
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Also, even if she really did want to change her mind, the feelings are still there. So I got that going for me, right?

    Also, reading the old conversations it seems that me negging her and her assertions of dating/asking for a compliment seemed to really work. Anytime she brought it up I either changed the subject or shot it down acting like she wasn't good enough.

    It seems as though the second I showed some interest now she pulled back a bit. Negging at this point seems odd considering she knows how I feel now. What do you suggest? Just be flirty and kino with her? I know you said that already but I just wanted to run by these other details with you first to see if it changes anything. Thanks again man. You've been a big help.

  6. #6
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Last thing;

    not sure if I provided the details right.

    When I first contacted her, she thought I didn't feel the same way based on me thinking it was a joke and how i responded at which point she said forget about it. She wanted to keep the friendship but for me to forget that she liked me. She didn't say it again after I told her I felt the same way. She only said it in reference to what she said before she knew I liked her as well. It wasn't as if I said, I like you too then she responded with "we should just forget about it". Not sure if I clarified that right.

  7. #7
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Classic principal of being a challenge. Then when you stopped being one she may have slowed down. You don't always have to be a challenge but definitely re-introduce that behavior. Also talking about it may increase the pressure of it. You want more tension, not pressure if that makes sense. All you have to do is flirt and Kino escalate. Also use plausible deniability. Like you can't control yourself and push her away intermidiately while escalating. Anything to build tension so that you are in the moment and "things just happen." Focus on making it fun and not talk about the consequences for the friendship.

  8. #8
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Also I would like to clarify that negging and teasing, though very similar, are inherently different things. Negging is just noticing that she is not perfect. It is not a direct insult. Teasing is more light insulting done in a fun way

  9. #9
    simplejack is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    Negging is what seemed to work to make myself more of a challenge. She kept trying to prove how "good" she was for me only for me to dismiss it and make her try harder it seems like. I was doing it unknowingly at the time because I wasn't interested in her but now it's out there so it seems a bit weird to act the same way.

    Also what do you mean by what you said after the plausible deniability? Something like if we're close, be like whoa, we should take things slow (in a playful joking manner of course)? Or am I completely missing the point on that.

    What do you think about meeting up with her tomorrow? Since I hit her up the last 2 times and tried to make plans today which failed as she already had plans, should I give in if she's free tomorrow and hang out? If not, I may not see her again for about 3 weeks or so. That's my only issue here.

    Or should I just let that pass and continue doing what I was doing to gain her interest while she's away then seal the deal when she comes back?

    You are the man. If I get this girl I will paypal you money haha.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Really Need Help on Friend Situation

    If she wants to see you before she goes she will try. This time I wouldn't worry too much about losing value because you want to see her. You can always make it up later in your behavior towards her. Just tell her you want to see her before she goes and leave it. That's actually alpha to state what you want in a bold fashion. And yes plausible deniability is basically just putting the situation out of your hands and you have no control. Its great to let her know she's actually affecting you. Timing is important though. And if you put yourself out there that you want to see her and she doesn't take it, then trust me its good you're not going to see her because she obviously isn't ready to face the situation. She may have even found a guy. Who knows. But this is just speculation. Pickup is a great trap for thinking you can control women. Even the best of the best that are on their game still get rejected once in a while. Just remember you can't control her, just influence.


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