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  1. #1
    puaoneday is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need Help Regaining Confidence (Square ONE) :(

    Hey all,

    I've been able to give advice on here before but I feel like I'm at square one now.

    I was with a girl for just two months, three months ago, and I've been going downhill since and I'm really at a low now (I know, not much but still...).

    I had this whole thing down to a science then, was super confidence, giving advice to friends, so many girls wanted me (but I didn't do anything because I was with the other one), but now I don't even know how to approach a girl any more without my tongue turning to stone.

    I know I shouldn't feel this way. I workout, I feel great, look great, but I just can't gather myself at all with girls. I feel like a shadow of my former self and it sucks.

    I have NO idea what to say to girls now at all, and it's just so crazy to me because I was on top of the world not too long ago and had all the answers when it came to opening or closing... now I can't keep a conversation going, can't open at all, and that all certainly leaves me in no position to close

    Any advice would really help and be appreciated, and I promise once I can regain my confidence and do what I used to be able to I'll be able to offer more help here, but I've just been a mess lately.

    Thanks a lot.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help Regaining Confidence (Square ONE) :(

    I think after any relationship you end up back at square one. Its like snakes and ladders. Just got to keep getting to know some new women and roll the dice...just talk to everyone and try help other people around you. Smile and do something charitable, work some extra hours at work. You don't have to get back to the top of your game straight away. Have fun on your own for a while.

    The times I met the best chicks were often when I was a bit down, not as fit as I should be, not as financially well off as I could be. Just keep getting out and your confidence will return. What goes up must come down. But we're men, we have balls and we bounce back! Chin up, good things will come your way soon, just keep a positive attitude and deal hope to others - a good leader is a dealer in hope. I'm sending you some positive vibes now. ommmmmmm

  3. #3
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need Help Regaining Confidence (Square ONE) :(

    First let me say sorry for you recent break up. Even though it was just a couple months sometimes that's enough to throw us off especially if she was pretty awesome. So my advice to you is to accept the idea in you're mind that when it comes to approaching women YOU WILL FAIL. You will make a fool of yourself and sometimes may even look like your retarded...and thats ok. It's ok because you are just a man, that is all. And you can only get better and more comfortable. Also try to get out of your head about what to say and try to read her body language. This should help avoid you psyching yourself out if you're more focused on what she's doing than what you're doing. Hope this helps and good luck.

  4. #4
    dru808 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need Help Regaining Confidence (Square ONE) :(

    I'm sort of in the same boat as you are...I had gotten out of a loong relationship with the mother of my child. After the breakup I felt exactly how you described yourself to be..."just a shadow of your former self".

    What I think it is, is your mind is still on your ex and you're not at full focus when approaching women.

    I am still trying to recover and still in the process of regaining myself again. I find it hard sometimes to even get out...let alone try to talk to anyone...BUT in my mind I pretty much know what I need to do only if I could get myself to commit to what I have planned.

    My advise to you is try surrounding yourself with friends to lift your spirits. or do some activity to get your mind off what ever it is that could be causing you to lose focus.

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help Regaining Confidence (Square ONE) :(

    Quote Originally Posted by dru808 View Post
    What I think it is, is your mind is still on your ex and you're not at full focus when approaching women.

    I am still trying to recover and still in the process of regaining myself.
    This is it in a nutshell - it takes longer than you think to get over a relationship and why I have asked on this forum before that I wonder if it actually takes men longer to get over a relationship than women? Our minds are certainly on ex's if one is to take a look at these boards! I often talk about my failures with my buddies more than my successes! But to truly answer that I think we'd have to look at biology and evolution. We would need to look into how ecologically adaptable it is to have a plan B as a mate? What is the most ecologically efficient breakup habit for men and women? Why do men and women pine about breaking in quite different ways?

    I know myself that it takes a while to bounce back and I have often started my game as a fresh single guy with a bad dose of feeling guilty from past relationships. Well all I can say is it gets better and one day you will be laughing about it all. Dont stress its all good. Good luck


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