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  1. #1
    puanyc is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Seeing Ex for First Time in Several Months Tomorrow - Frame Advice

    Ok so here's the back story - will try to keep it somewhat succinct.

    Dated this girl for a few months last year. Knew her somewhat in college but didn't really talk until we ended up living in the same city and I randomly messaged her one day on Facebook. Things started off really great, then started souring until we broke up a few months later in a somewhat messy fashion, mostly initiated by her. So, afterwards, I was understandably upset for a couple weeks but after seeing that this breakup was going to last I went for the freezeout. Didn't talk to her for a couple months until she texted me on Valentine's Day to ask me if I had sent her something. I surmised that either a) she had received something from some random dude and wanted me to know about it, or b) she didn't get anything and was just trying to make me jealous. I simply responded that that ship had sailed and we didn't talk for another couple months. Lately, we've been texting back and forth every week or two, but never were able to solidify plans; once, I invited her to come out but she couldn't make it, then a few weeks ago she texted me to meet up at a rooftop with her, a few of her friends and her mother (who loved me) but I figured that leaving my friends to do that would be a serious AFC move and politely declined. We talked for a while today, mostly lighthearted, but she asked me a bunch of questions about my life and, to be quite honest, I've changed a lot since we broke up and mostly in ways that she had always wanted. Will probably end up meeting up wtih her tomorrow or Friday.

    My questions mostly relates to the frame and behavior I should adopt when I see her. First, if she asks me to go meet her and a bunch of her friends, should I do so or is that a totally weak move? I had been going for the one on one but that may be too onerous a provision for a first meeting. Additionally, I was simply going to act like nothing had happened, as if we're old friends meeting up for the first time but kinda flirty like when we started dating. Any thoughts? Or any routines / ideas you would recommend incorporating for optimal results? Note that I'm not 100% sure if I'd like to get back together with her (although I'd be somewhat open to it) but moreso would like to sleep with her again and see where that goes.

    Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Seeing Ex for First Time in Several Months Tomorrow - Frame Advice

    I would make yourself 'unobtainable'. You can do this by projecting the realisation you have moved on in better ways and are no longer interested in her. You can do this by flirting with her friends, even if you dont like them. She may have realised she has made a terrible mistake but if you want her back you have to make her chase you hard. YOU have changed but what about HER? Make her change by chasing you. If you do some small flirting she will instantly know you will be too easy to draw back into her so act like your not available anymore. If you act like nothing has happened she will confirm to herself she made the right decision before. If you act stronger, more outgoing to other people in the group etc she will surely be surpised. If she truly has feelings for you she wil try very hard under these circumstances. The group date could be a massive advantage to rekindle the attraction.

    If you have a one on one date I wouldn't be afraid to call HER out and say 'look you want me back, I can see it in your eyes, your here with me right now, but I'm not so sure...I've grown and matured, I'm meeting a lot of interesting and stunning women right now...but we had some good times didn't we, like remember that time (plant emotional/sexual memory)' Im not really sure what to say after that but you get the idea. You force it back into her court in terms of getting back together, act like you are unobtainable but also remember old positive emotional/sexual feelings you once had together. The frame you need to be in is that she dropped you and has to chase you back because she made a miss-judgement, not you chasing to get her back like a puppy after getting your heart broken.

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