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  1. #1
    christianh758 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default HELP getting her back

    k so pretty much been dating this girl for a month , and eveyrtihng is fine, started acting weird and then today she came over n told me we rushed it to much

    she was with someone when i met her , rough relationship n she broke up with him n we started dating right away, were with each other 24/7 went to vancouver n had an amzing time


    so we talked today , were she obv said she really likes me n that shes coming out of a relationship and that we jsut jumped into it too soon.. that she didnt have time to think of it

    a week into it she said it was too fast ignored her n kept going cuz i was enjoying it

    so where do i go from here?? we ended on a good note, i can act like nothing happens n still be friends but that puts me in the friend zone..

    what can i do to get her back ??? or what should i do ??

  2. #2
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Well, i'm sorry, but that sounds like you were a rebound to me..

    In my experience, the best way to have a girl wants to come back is to get a new one. But not always possible.

    So, you start the 3-weeks race. Stop contacts right now. From now on, she is a girl from your past you don't really talk to anymore. You don't start any contact. She might contact you, but only because she wants a proof that you are desperate over her (which validates her for free). So you answer politely (if you don't answer, it means you ignore her, which means you care, which validates her), but like you don't really care.

    Why is it a 3-weeks race? Because in 3-weeks, she will wonder again why you are not together. If you showed yourself as needy/desperate/lost, it's screwed. So you have 3-weeks to make your life as awesome as you can. Devote all your energy to meet new people, start new activities, learn new stuff, etc. Enjoy life. Travel! Do whatever you always wanted to do, indulge yourself, have fun.

    So during these 3 weeks, she will leave more and more the euphoria of breaking up with someone (it is, as it's a big boost of validation, an increase of freedom, and a whole lot of new possibilities), and start feeling lonely and insecure.

    Whereas you will be having fun, meeting new people, probably new girls too, etc. You might actually not care anymore when the 3 weeks end. It's actually nice if you find ways for her to know you're having fun, but be careful about it. If she realizes you are doing it to make her feel jealous/bad, it will backfires. I personally likes to share pictures of all the cool stuff I'm doing on fb and similar, but that's a personal thing.

    But it works IF you respect the 3 weeks duration. As I said, it's a race. You don't stop before the finish line and say "Ha! I win!", that would be retarded. Be focused on the objective, and remember that waiting is a great service you are doing to yourself.

    Soooo... Ready? Go!

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Freeze her out and start dating other women or be patient with her. You can't change the timing of her coming out of a relationship but you can control that you don't 'bother' her. Give her some space and she how she reacts. In the meantime chase some other fish to take your mind off it.

  4. #4
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Wow Mikalichov. Took the words right out of my mouth lol. I should give you a commission. I do want add something though. By how your story unfolds it seems that this end result was unavoidable. Its very difficult to start a serious, healthy relationship with someone after they just ended with someone else. There are still old feelings whether they want to admit it or not. It is very possible you were a rebound and there isn't much you can do about it except leave her be so she can sort herself out. Your best chance is what Mikalichov said. It is rare that a rebound relationship works out, but it does happen and you may be one of the few it works for.

    Did you know that break ups have their own griefing process? It's very similar to the type of griefing when someone passes on. There is a denial, anger, blame games, acceptance etc. and then all back and forth in a circle. If you contact her within those 3 weeks you are interrupting her grieving process and she won't miss you appropriately. You are actually doing more by doing nothing. Allow her to go through these different emotions without your interference and that will increase your chances dramatically. The same way you are posting on this forum thinking about what you should do, I guarantee she is also thinking about you in some way. So just let her. Good luck and leave us an update.

  5. #5
    christianh758 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    okay thanks guys ... im gunna take ur advice,

    um i do live on an island n we both work at the same resort and everyone always hangs out together.. so may be hard to totally avoid her but ill do my best without looking like im ignoring her

    id like to also add I already new i was the rebound and tried not to get emotionally attached cuz i new it was bound to happen, but then a few days with her alone in vancouver put me over the edge, n to be honest emotionally im fine cuz i expected it to happen but now that i got feelings for her i want her back

    so im gunna do what ur both suggesting and see what happens..

    what if she asked to hang out and stuff like that what should i say?

    thanks ! ill keep u updated ...

    the 3 week race starts now!!

  6. #6
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    Well, i'm sorry, but that sounds like you were a rebound to me..

    In my experience, the best way to have a girl wants to come back is to get a new one. But not always possible.

    So, you start the 3-weeks race. Stop contacts right now. From now on, she is a girl from your past you don't really talk to anymore. You don't start any contact. She might contact you, but only because she wants a proof that you are desperate over her (which validates her for free). So you answer politely (if you don't answer, it means you ignore her, which means you care, which validates her), but like you don't really care.

    Why is it a 3-weeks race? Because in 3-weeks, she will wonder again why you are not together. If you showed yourself as needy/desperate/lost, it's screwed. So you have 3-weeks to make your life as awesome as you can. Devote all your energy to meet new people, start new activities, learn new stuff, etc. Enjoy life. Travel! Do whatever you always wanted to do, indulge yourself, have fun.

    So during these 3 weeks, she will leave more and more the euphoria of breaking up with someone (it is, as it's a big boost of validation, an increase of freedom, and a whole lot of new possibilities), and start feeling lonely and insecure.

    Whereas you will be having fun, meeting new people, probably new girls too, etc. You might actually not care anymore when the 3 weeks end. It's actually nice if you find ways for her to know you're having fun, but be careful about it. If she realizes you are doing it to make her feel jealous/bad, it will backfires. I personally likes to share pictures of all the cool stuff I'm doing on fb and similar, but that's a personal thing.

    But it works IF you respect the 3 weeks duration. As I said, it's a race. You don't stop before the finish line and say "Ha! I win!", that would be retarded. Be focused on the objective, and remember that waiting is a great service you are doing to yourself.

    Soooo... Ready? Go!
    You should make that into a new thread Dunno if it works, but it sounds good.

  7. #7
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Quote Originally Posted by christianh758 View Post
    what if she asked to hang out and stuff like that what should i say?
    You say yes, but you go with a friend. Except if you have something else planned, in which case you say no because you have something planned

    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
    You should make that into a new thread Dunno if it works, but it sounds good.
    Haha, thanks, I'll consider doing that

  8. #8
    christianh758 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    ill eventually see her cuz theres a shuttle that takes us to work eventually ill be on the same one shes on what do i do ? prety much im gunna end up seeing her no matter what

    great advice so far tho

  9. #9
    christianh758 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Quote Originally Posted by christianh758 View Post
    ill eventually see her cuz theres a shuttle that takes us to work eventually ill be on the same one shes on what do i do ? prety much im gunna end up seeing her no matter what

    great advice so far tho

    i just no im gunna run into her espeically at the party we are having for a few staff members going away.. im not an emotional wreck or anything i just wanna try n do the right thing so theres a chance again

  10. #10
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: HELP getting her back

    Well, you don't start freaking out every time you meet a girl from the staff, right? You say hey, and go on your way.

    One of the trick is to imagine she is someone else you don't have any special feeling for. Like the cleaning lady, or the secretary of your office, or whatever. You want to be as nice/polite/distant/flirty with her than with these people. You can also imagine she is family, if it helps


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