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  1. #1
    RHCRage is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Huge misunderstanding with girl

    I met this girl in college 5 years ago. We kept in touch from time to time...text, facebook, twitter. Just friendly stuff. In the back of my mind I always wanted to get with her. We live about four hours apart so it wasn't a huge priority to make plans because it'd be a hassle. But since 6 months ago we started texting quite a bit. She wanted me to come down and visit. I agreed and we made plans.

    We FINALLY met up again this year. I hooked up with her the first night there. I was sleeping with her for a couple months (March to May). Visited her once a month. Crazy sex. It was all good. We texted but not TOO much. She'd send me pics, want me to come over late at night (I didn't because we live so far away). I wasn't needy or anything. I played it cool. I didn't want a relationship. We never even talked about a relationship. And I got with another girl during this time so I didn't have one-itis or anything.

    The last time I was there I gave her a goodbye kiss. Didn't think it'd cause so much b.s. A week or so after I saw she posted on Twitter that her grandfather passed away. I sent her a text saying I'm sorry to hear that and I'd be thinking about her and her family. All that nice stuff. No response. I remember her mentioning when we first hung out she really wished she had this one DVD...so I mailed that to her. No response...no thank you or anything. Before she would always get back to me. Most of the time I don't care if girls don't get back to me but in this case I found it very inconsiderate because I was being a nice friend, but she thought differently.

    I realized she thought I really like her and want a relationship. And I know that scared her away. It was a big misunderstanding. So that caused me to over think things like a chump and text her too much. I told her I didn't want a relationship and we don't have to take things so seriously. And that she didn't have to blatantly ignore me. Waited two weeks. No response. I told her I didn't appreciate being ignored and I'm sure she doesn't like when people do that to her. And then I texted, "Oh and you're welcome for the movie by the way." All that made it look like I want her even more.

    The more she blatantly ignores me, the more I want to talk to her. Last night I made it clear I didn't want a relationship, I'm cool being friends, and told her I'm sorry for getting so frustrated.

    I have now come across as a bi-polar/desperate chump. Why couldn't she just be straight up with me? For real. Texting really f'd me up here. It made me do things I don't normally do. I know for sure I wouldn't act that way and get that frustrated with her in person. It'd be easier to clear things up...but if I just showed up where she usually goes out on the weekends I'd come across as a huge stalker.

    I've been talking to other girls and have a couple other options. But this girl who is blatantly ignoring me is really messing with my head. The tables really turned on me. I turned into a chump with this girl and I hate it because it's a stupid misunderstanding but she doesn't see it that way. What do I do? Should I just cut off all contact forever?

  2. #2
    Gemini is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    That sucks, man.

    She seems to be a bit of a mind-fark. Only thing i can think to suggest is a line I read on the forums somewhere that's along the lines of "I think we get on really well, but I thought you were more interesting and sociable than this. I guess I was wrong". Something like that.

    If you still get nothing, probably best to drop it and move on. At least, like you said, you're not suffering from one-itis lol.

    : GeMiNi :&

  3. #3
    RHCRage is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    Thanks for the reply, man. I now know the risks of texting. It can really ruin things. Definitely got the best of me. Ugh.

  4. #4
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    Honestly I have to say that I don't think many men would do differently than what you did. Emotions are a bitch and sometimes they still get the best of the best. So don't be so hard on yourself. It's frustrating for her to act that way towards you with no response. So this next part will be tough to swallow.....

    You have to let go of the control over the situation that you so desire. By trying to gain back that control or understanding, you are digging deeper into it. You may already understand this, which is good. But also understand that you cannot control her, only influence. Honestly, there are a hundred different reasons why she would not respond to you. Some may be personal against you, or not personal. Take this experience for instance.....

    I had met this woman online one time on fb. She was a friend of a friend and we hit it off well. I didn't expect much because she was in another state. Until she told me she already had plans to come back. So then I decided to invest a litte more into her and we made plans to meet. Everything was smooth. Then around the time she was suppose to arrive she disappeared. No responses, no call backs, nothing. I had no idea what happened and was very upset. I thought I had missed a detail. Maybe something in my game that set her off. It tormented me for awhile. It wasn't until 5 months later that I found out through a friend that the reason she never got back to me was that she got herself knocked up by some guy friend she didn't care about and was afraid to tell me since I mentioned to her that I didn't want to date someone with kids. That was the LAST thing I expected to hear.

    So, you don't really know what's going on and it may not come to light for some time. The best thing I could tell you is to release your desire to control the situation and get your desired outcome. Again I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm sure many of us have been there and feel what you feel. But remember, you are and Alpha Male and know that there are MANY special women waiting to meet you. So you WILL get past this. Hope this helps and good luck.

  5. #5
    RHCRage is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    I sent her one last text last night---"I hate misunderstandings and there's a big one between us. I know texting all that stuff before made it way worse. I'm really sorry for that. Seriously."

    That's the last straw. If I don't hear anything back then I'm forgetting about it for good.

  6. #6
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    It's a risky reach out at this point. But it's good that this is the last straw. Who knows, maybe she will eventually contact you in a month or two. Leave us an update and good luck.

  7. #7
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    Also... You can use her a your "chumpiness lightning rod", but that means accepting you will never get her back. Basically, by unleashing all your AFC potential on her, you will be more calm/detached when hanging out with other girls

  8. #8
    pwonager is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Huge misunderstanding with girl

    STOP texting her bro, you are just making things worse. That last text was definitely a bad move.

    Go out, and meet some fine ladies. You'll soon forget her, and if she happens to bump into you, just play it cool.

    She will see you are having fun with other women, and preselection, and jealousy will set in, she'll probably try to reinitiate the relationship.


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