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  1. #1
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How to break off nicely?

    Hello,

    I recently had D3 with a cute girl that I've decided is not interesting or attractive enough to continue. If we hang out again I'm almost positive we will have sex. I want to break things off before we are that involved. She gives tons of IOIs & likes me.

    In my AFC past, I would have probably slept with her then felt guilty and slowly stopped responding to her texts until she trails off or asks what's wrong...& I would sugar coat the reason.

    I don't want to be a coward (pull a disappearing act) or a jerk (text her the hard truth). I firmly believe we should leave women better than we found them.

    How do you classy guys exit in a mature fashion?

  2. #2
    richter101's Avatar
    richter101 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    Hmm.. Gotta think about this.. But good responses that I'm reading!

  3. #3
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    My new wingwoman / Pivot says don't keep her hanging. The day after I decide to end things send this:

    "Hey, I had a great time hanging out with you. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

  4. #4
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    Over text, bro? Come on, that's not the way to go. A man would tell her the truth in her face. 'Look, I don't think this is going anywhere, so I want to break up with you before we have sex so you won't get hurt.'

    She might get mad/cry/whatever but if you are to become a man you're going to have to face that. Don't walk away from it, and don't take a coward's road by texting her.

    If you guys hadn't kissed yet or anything, I'll take my words back. After only hanging out for three days, it's fine to text. But if you ever come into a situation where you have to break up post-kissing/post-sex, remember to take the man's way.

  5. #5
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
    Over text, bro? Come on, that's not the way to go. A man would tell her the truth in her face. 'Look, I don't think this is going anywhere, so I want to break up with you before we have sex so you won't get hurt.'
    I *completely agree* that after sex, this would be dismissive & cowardly. But we have honestly only kissed.

    HB9 wingwoman response: "Jesus, don't meet her, just tell her you're not interested!"

    Female perspective: Meeting face to face seeks more time commitment, possibly confrontational & doesn't allow her privacy in her reaction. I think the line could also come off very rude/presumptuous because it implies:
    - we were in a relationship
    - sex was imminent
    - she is emotionally invested enough to get hurt

    PS There may be cultural differences regarding dating ideas. In Germany, my friends don't understand the concept of dating at all. They either sleep together casually (NSA) or "try a relationship." How about the Netherlands?

    I appreciate any advice, Virgil! Thanks

  6. #6
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    I feel like the Dutch are way more into relationships, with the occational friend with benefits between two relationships. But that is just judging by my experience and friends.

    Breaking up face-to-face implies you're a man who doesn't walk away from what he has to do. Sex was Immenent. So? It really was, as you've said above. Her being emotionally invested enough to get hurt is all the more reason to tell her you don't want to start a relationship. If the relationship hasn't started yet, tell her you don't want to start one, because......

    You don't have to set up an entire date or anything to break up with her, just head over to her place if it's nearby, or tell her when you see her.

    I don't want to turn this into a discussion because you're breaking up on the borderline of starting a relationship, which is a very grey area and leaves open a lot of room for personal interpretation of the situation and best way to break up. I guess, in this stage you are in, it's just up to you to think of what would be the best way to break up. But obviously, post-sex/during a relationship you shouldn't text the girl.

  7. #7
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    Quote Originally Posted by Virgil View Post
    Breaking up face-to-face implies you're a man who doesn't walk away from what he has to do.
    ...obviously, post-sex/during a relationship you shouldn't text the girl.
    Thanks, Virgil. You are right.

    From now on I will try my wingwoman's line in person:

    "Hey, I had a great time hanging out with you tonight. But if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not looking for anything serious right now."

  8. #8
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    I would usually invite her for coffee, and tell her there directly (why do you think women always use the infamous "we need to talk" line? I seriously think PUA should use women as example more often). Granted, it's not a funny moment, but at least I don't feel like a coward (I've tried breaking up through text, I've tried though "let the things die", and felt bad every time)

    If you think beforehand why you're not interested, it will go more smoothly. Of course, not like "You're ugly and dumb ", but think about what's not going well, and explain her calmly. I like the "Well, it's not working, I can't manage to be attracted, sorry."

    "I firmly believe we should leave women better than we found them."
    Congrats on that, it's a great mindset!

  9. #9
    DareMe is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to break off nicely?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    I seriously think PUA should use women as example more often.
    I absolutely agree. There could be a whole forum section on how to mirror female internal & external behavior. That is my go-to perspective when developing these skills.


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