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  1. #1
    luzine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    So, going out to lunch on Tuesday with a HB9

    To start matters off, I'm fairly skilled at gaining a girls interest, I just can't hold it for more than a few weeks. With this girl, a one night stand is out of the question, and I'd rather pull off a relationship with her.

    However, she's very. enigmatic.

    She and I have been friends for a few years now, yet I've not been friendzoned by her. We've gone out to lunch before, and have saw each other once last semester(we went to high school together, but go to different universities). I've brought up dating before, but she said she awkward with dates, and doesn't really date anyone.

    Which that part I know is true, she's never had a boyfriend and according to my friends who go to her university, she didn't start dating anyone this past year. She is fairly introverted as well, though not nearly to the degree that I am.

    When we went out to lunch, she wore a fairly revealing top, though not something trashy, and she doesn't have much of a rack. Nonetheless, in was quite low cut and plenty of side boob was visible if she turned slightly in any direction.

    Recently I decided to test something, I stopped contacting here. After about a week, she started chatting and texting me. She seemed a little more flirtatious than normal.

    And As far as chatting goes, she is now sending messages like "backkk" and "iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iidiots" which she has never done before. Typically when girls drag out letters they want to date me.



    At any rate, we're going out to lunch on Tuesday, which she seemed fairly happy about.

    What the hell do I do? We're probably going to go to Panera Bread or something similar. I told her I was going to be busy that morning and we would need to pick the place and time on Monday probably.


    Do I try and pay for it? It's not a place where you order, eat, and then pay before you leave. You order and pay right when you come in.

    Clothing, I'll be wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts(I wear cargoes 365 days of the year, this part isn't really negotiable), as far as shirts go should it be more of a polo or a short sleeve button-down? Tucked in or hanging out?

    How do I keep the conversation going? I'm quite fine with companionable silences, but I know I shouldn't let that happen on dates. However, I suck at small talk and we already know each other fairly well. Any Topic suggestions that aren't too common?


    What are some IoIs I should look for that wouldn't appear often if she just wanted to stay friends or what not?


    And I just remembered something, at one point last summer , her bestfriend came up to me at a party(she was fairly plastered to say the least) and said things along the lines of 'HB9 talks about you all the time. She always says how nice you are to her blah blah blah'
    Yeah, I'm the typical nice guy though not nearly as much as I was back then.




    Whelp, that is it I think. Well aware I overthink things, but that is how my mind works. I remember small details and don't stop thinking about them until the issue comes to conclusion.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    Well, at least you know you're over thinking it haha
    The first thing I'd do is just relax. Take some deep breaths, and realize that whatever happens happens.

    Now, I'd say that you have a fairly good shot at this girl. If you've been friends for a few years and haven't been friend zoned that typically means she wants something more. As for the elongated words, I'd say that's another IOI. If a girl doesn't want to talk to you or is not interested in you, she'll keep it short and sweet. Obviously as friends girls will draw out words but not as much.

    When you get to the place, have her order first and before she can pay, order your food as well and then pay. Chivalry is not dead ;]

    Clothing, to be honest I'd say get a pair of khaki shorts, no cargo pockets. They've started going out of style fairly quickly and it's just a nicer look. Or, for an even nicer look, go with jeans. That's just my opinion though. As for the shirt, it depends on what you normally wear. If you normally wear a tshirt, go with that. Same with polo or button down.

    For conversations, I would talk about things going on in the world most likely. Not sure of your age, but girls typically enjoy guys who know what's going on and who they can have deeper conversations with. I'd suggest also running routines at points where the conversation dies (Cube, number guessing, meaning of rings on different fingers, etc.). Also, be sure to be building kino throughout to lead to the close.

    Some IOIs to look for are the common ones, arms/legs relaxed (not crossed tightly), leaning in, playing with her hair, sly smiles from her. Things like that, the typical things.

    Finally, if all goes well, you've just got to go for it. Bring up relationships and, if she responds well, I'd say definitely go for it. Since you've been friends for a while, I'm assuming that you hug at least when you leave each other. This time, give her a kiss on the cheek and pull back, keeping her in your arms. She'll either turn away (tough luck, but what have you got to loose) or she'll look back at you (KISS HER NOW!!).

    Good luck, post back about how it goes!

  3. #3
    luzine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    " Take some deep breaths, and realize that whatever happens happens."
    You see, I know that. I know that very well. However, my personality wants me to ensure that I do everything in my power to control what happens. It goes against my complete nature to 'relax' and let things be. I try to, but I just cannot do it. I suppose that's the INTJ personality in a nutshell.


    As far as paying for it, if they ask "Together or separate?" before we order, do I immediately answer together, or wait and see if she answers quickly and if not answer or what? I'd rather not have the "No, you don't need to do that" conversation hahah.

    As far as the cargoes go, again not negotiable. The only 'style' I care about is my own, which is about practicality I'm well aware they aren't what most people wear, but I'm not typically a follower of popular trends. And I cannot stand denim for some reason, I've no idea why I just hate it.


    We are both 19, and thankfully I'd have to probably agree with the deeper conversation bit. Not necessarily with most girls that I know, but HB9 is actually very smart. Lazy as hell in classes, but very smart. And Deeper conversations are my specialty. hahah
    I'll definitely have to refresh my mind on a few routines, I can't say I ever use them to be honest.


    Ah that last part is always the killer for me. I've always had self-confidence issues when it comes to denial. I've no reason to really, whenever I'm at the beach at least one HB will comment on my body. But I cannot stand the chance of being denied. I normally only go in for the kiss if I am pretty much 100% certain that she will respond to it positively. But, we do hug when we leave, so I'll try and give it a go. Lawd knows I'll probably decide not to at the last second, but I shall try.



    Also: She also made a point to tell me that she 'has been going to the gym every day, and hasn't been wasting time gaming or sleeping'. Yes, a HB9 who games, doesn't date, and stays up until 6am playing Uncharted 3.

    Shall I assume making sure that I know she is going to the gym every day is an IoI? Or am I just thinking about this too much again?


    Edit: And Again while I haven't been 'friendzoned' by her before, I have brought up dating, which she was not a fan of. This was back in December I believe. She is shy, and doesn't date in general, so I'm still somewhat confused as to how to take that.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    I completely understand, it's difficult. Have you checked out The Pickup Artist or Revelation by Mystery though? He talks a lot about the ghost and the flame - how to relax and let things be. Might be worth it to skim over before going.

    In my experience, they typically don't ask. However, if they do, definitely say together. If she says "No, you don't have to do that" or something, make a joke and say, "Do what? Let you pay for me?"

    Fair enough about the shorts, just my suggestion. I'll be honest and say I've still got them and wear them haha

    It's good you can hold a deeper conversation. Small talk I feel is more for people who have just met. As for routines, it might be hard to remember to do them when you're there, but they're good for filling in gaps between conversations. Especially if it's some sort of trick (i.e. number guessing) that you can get really excited about and tell her you've learned something new you want to share.

    One of the biggest things that PUAs will do to overcome the fear of rejection is to go out and be rejected on purpose. The number it takes is different for everyone, but eventually you won't be worried about rejection as you'll realize that it won't affect you in the long run or even the short run. If she seems a little put off by the kiss on the cheek, just say that it's something new you were thinking of trying for when you meet girls and wanted to try it on her. Ask if she liked it, if she says she did, that's an IOI and you could potentially go for the lips. She probably won't flat out say that she didn't like it, but she'll kind of beat around the bush if she didn't.

    As for her telling you she's been going to the gym, I'd say that that is her qualifying herself to you, especially since you have a good body (assumption based on HBs approaching on the beach). So yes, most likely an IOI.

    P.S. An HB9 who gives up time sleeping to be playing games seems like a great catch, I'd definitely go for it ;]

  5. #5
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    richter101 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    Gotta think about this.. But good responses that I'm reading.

  6. #6
    luzine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    I've not read either of those, I'll try to skim over one of them by Tuesday though.

    Hmm. That is a fairly good way to go about paying for it, I'll definitely have to give that a go. Though, shes stubborn as hell so we'll see hahah.

    Oh definitely, I thank you for your suggestions. I'm definitely willing to change my clothing style a bit, but the cargoes and trail-runners that I wear daily won't be going anywhere soon


    Deeper conversation I usually have no problem with. I love talking politics, though I don't believe shes too into it. She's interested in psychology though, which is one of my majors so I'll be able to use that quite a bit I think.


    And I've tried to go out and get rejected on purpose, but it just doesn't work(not saying they all say "Hell yeah let's date). The introvert inside of me just won't let me do it. According to most of my professors, I am more introverted than 95% of introverts. Lucky me, eh? hahah

    Alright, I thought the same about the gym.

    And Yeah, you can see why I'm somewhat attached haha. That on top of the fact that she is somewhat of an enigma pulls me in without a doubt.

    Thanks for the tips man

  7. #7
    KnightTurner's Avatar
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    Well hey, if she's stubborn and pays for you as well, you got a free meal! haha and it's a HUGE IOI. If a girl is willing to spend money on you, she's into you.

    If you're going out and try to get rejected and they still don't reject you, you've got nothing to be afraid of! You'll do just fine haha

    Anyways, good luck, and like I said, post a field report or something back here and let us know how it goes!

  8. #8
    luzine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    hahah No, no, I meant moreso that she may be like "No, we're separate."

    And No once more, I meant moreso the introvert inside me would not let me go out and approach women. At least, not women who I don't know. I went out with the intention of doing that(me going 'out' at all is fairly rare, I normally just hang out with friends and 'party' at their houses on the weekends) however once I'm out I'm like "Yeah, no. I'm not going to talk to people I don't know."

    ^That would stem from both my introversion and aversion to rejection I believe.

  9. #9
    luzine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    "Hey there, so I'll be free after 10 on Tuesday. How does meeting up sometime around 12-12:30 at Panera sound?" - Me

    "Sounds good to me!" - Her immediate response.

    So, looks like it will be Panera as I thought. Any more ideas guys?

  10. #10
    Triestoohard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Going out to lunch; what do? (I'm introverted to the 10th degree)

    Yeah man, as everyone said before just don't over think it. I think you have a really solid chance, it's sort of unfortunate you are doing lunch, because dinner implies more and kissing seems less weird at night but play it as it lays. Perhaps try asking her on a date just be like "lunch was fun, how would you feel if I took you to dinner sometime?" Just remember to smile, be yourself, and possibly run some routines. I personally like the 5 question game from
    Neil Strauss. Hope that helps!


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