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  • 1 Post By artandale

Thread: I'm Dating a Milf, who I love and don't want to loose her

  1. #1
    richter101's Avatar
    richter101 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I'm Dating a Milf, who I love and don't want to loose her

    Hey guys,

    I'm 22 and dating a girl 20 years older than me.. The good news is she's Beautiful, book smart & street smart, doesn't go for tons of guys or gold, has a successful job, and very caring/ giving. The bad news is she cheated on her ex- husband, is now dealing with a stressful divorce, has 2 kids, goes out partying, and likes to feel free.

    The 2 kids are a teenage daughter & 10 year old son. Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to raise them. She spoiled the son by overly loving him, even 5 seconds after he does something bad. She feels guilty for ruining everyone's life with her decision to have the divorce, so she can't act like a parent when she needs to.

    As for us, we've been dating for 2 months. She mentioned she hates people who say I love you and don't mean it, then a week later said she loves me. I eventually told her the same. When it got serious, so did her sons jealousy and the kid drove her crazyyy.. Like, she wanted to almost killer herself.. I don't think she has a lot of confidence in herself and maybe respect..

    So we got into a small fight over parenting her son one night and 2 nights later I found out she cheated on me with her old bangg buddy...

    I came to her house the next day and saw a condom wrapper, then I flipped out the rest of the day on her. She didn't even sincerely apologize, she was trying to defend herself saying she thought we were broken up..
    She did cry though, and so did I

    I forgave her & told her I wouldn't hold it against her. Later, she went on a vaca for 2 weeks, I didn't accuse her or investigate her after and deep down, I know she did not cheat.

    When she came back she was happy to see me, but through out the last few weeks she's mentioned how this can't work out. Her reasons are:
    - pressure from kids - our age, - thinks I may be trying to use her for money - and me wasting her time because she wants to marry again before she gets old and ugly...thinks I'll leave her - she wants to be free..

    She's stayed with me because she finds me attractive, is happy with the sex, thinks I'm more mature than guys in their 30's, sees I'm going to be successful and respects the way I think, - and really loves our talks and looking at me.

    So.. Last night we got into a fight over her not being honest about who she was going to the club with. I didn't want to go and wanted to give her some space. There was a guy friend in town who she met on vacation, she mentioned he was in town yet didn't want to mention she was picking him up.. She went to the club that night to celebrate a girl friends bday, who I've met, & invited him out. She was running late and still had to take me to my house, not too far from the club. She kinda hinted she had to pick someone up, and what got me mad was when she wouldn't let me stay in the car to get him. Then she said she wasn't going to get him, so I said cool & made her promise she wasn't lying.. then told her go to the club and there's a train right by the so I'll get home. BUT She wanted to drop me at the train station..
    I didn't see the logic, she was late and I'd walk from the club. I thought it was because she Was still going to pick him up.. So I told her I'm staying in the car. Her excuse was she didn't want to be seen with me in pjs by her friends.. So I put on a pair of jeans I had in the back seat. Then she FLIPPED. She was going crazy trying to drop me off at the train. She said she's breaking up with me, with no sympathy.. It hurt. I started crying and she was yelling at me like I was a stranger & she didn't give a sh1t, I begged for her to give me another chance. She was SET on NO.
    Before I got out the car I asked what if we never fight again?! She finally said okay, then we won't break up and I'll talk to you tomorrow. I made her promise & believed her. As I got out the car, she asked why are you crying...
    Later that night, she sent me a text saying she was sorry. I didn't respond. She called me in the morning. Said how are you.... Then said we shouldn't be together & it's black/white to her. I calmly put into perspective why we were getting in fights, and why there's hope for the future. She started feeling convinced and now I got her to go on this date we already had planned for tomorrow which will be a walk in this nice park and dinner at a fancy restaurant.
    And her position for last night was that she didn't want to make me jealous, but I told her I wouldn't have been & again.. affirmed we should always be open & honestness.

    I'm sure I'm going to get comments saying "leave her", but I don't like loosing.. Please mighty PUAs, teach me how to be the "Secure" man she Needs in her life.
    Last edited by richter101; 06-24-2012 at 01:19 AM. Reason: wouldn't let me post first time because site I was a robot..

  2. #2
    roland777 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm Dating a Milf, who I love and don't want to loose her

    No man. You aren't going to get 'leave her' comments here. You are going to get 'stop being an AFC". You gotta quit that crying too. Start by reading the newbie guide.

    The Newbie Guide

    And sorry. You are not acting mature for your age because you aren't seeing the big picture. When you get 32 she is going to be 52 years old. She knows this and won't ever marry you. You can't expect a LTR with her. Plain and simple. Just enjoy the ride man. She has wayyyyyy to much drama going on for a LTR.

    Quit being an AFC. You have way too many examples in your post to cite.

    Sorry for the tough love man. We got your back here. Best of luck and keep us posted!

  3. #3
    jalies is offline Banned
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    Default Re: I'm Dating a Milf, who I love and don't want to loose her

    I had exactly the same situation as you do.. I had a great click with one and she was also 20 years older then me.
    Well that was now 3 years ago and we are still going steady so it really is possible but really depends on you both.

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm Dating a Milf, who I love and don't want to loose her

    Well as much as you think you're insecure you have to realize that she feels extremely insecure too. The issues that come up over and over again are clear signs of stress of social conditioning of expectations of what people imagine a relationship to be like. For you i'd suggest holding your frame more about your decisions and stop looking for her approval about your feelings. Use the rules of the game to continue to qualify her situation and what its worth to you to continue to invest or not to.

    To me its obvious that you both need to work on your communication skills and stop reading into things that may or may not exist. The more you become obsessed over these problems the more she's likely to lose interest in you. Same with applying rules to the relationship that strain it.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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