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  1. #1
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Cool The ideal self theory

    Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a master PUA or and expert on getting girls. I am merely a man with a story. The story of a shy middle schooler who tried on so many masks to get friends that he forgot who he really was, and how that kid turned into the man he always wanted to be.

    I'm going to jump straight to the point. The only reason you should read this post is because you are unhappy with who you are at some level. It's a very common and very serious problem. And until you learn how to beat it your game, no matter how well rehearsed, will suffer. The truth is you can't expect a girl to like you if you don't like yourself. Women can sense this insecurity, and it will turn them off. So what do you do?

    First, we have to look at the problem. You aren't satisfied with your personality. The only solutions are to either change your view of yourself, which is very hard to do, or you can change yourself, which is much easier. I know, that sounds backwards, but it's true. To understand why, we need a basic understanding of Fruedian psychology. According to his theories, the human psyche consists of three parts; the id, the ego, and the superego. The id houses your basic animalistic desires. The superego contains your moral code and behavioral expectations. The ego tries to balance the two within the confines of reality. Now, your view of what a man (specifically you) should beady like is rooted in your superego. The superego is largely subconscious and develops in the early stages of human development. It's not easy to tweak. Your personality, on the other hand, is based largely out of the ego, which is mostly conscious. And because it is subject to rationalization, it's easier to change. But how Do you go about changing your personality?

    There's an old saying. "Fake it till you make it". It revolves around the concept of habits. Do something enough, and you begin to form habits and eventually it becomes second nature. That's the key to the Ideal Self theory, or as I affectionately call it, the "New You List". Here are the steps.

    1. Clear your mind. Forget everyone else. All that matters is you and what you want. If you try to base your new personality on what other people want you to be, you will fall into the trap of people pleasing. Be completely honest with yourself. The trick is to idealize the best "you" you can be, not to become someone else entirely.
    2. Start thinking. Who do you want to be? Expand and polish you best features and minimize or eliminate your weaknesses. Ex. When I made my list, I was incredibly shy, so an important trait for my new personality was to be more confident and charismatic.
    3. Write it down. Make a list of all the traits you want your "new you" to have. Feel free to borrow traits from people you idolize, real or fictional. (warning: remember step 1) It can be anything from "comfortable in my own skin" to "knows how to play an instrument".
    4. Make copies. Copy this list to as many different places as you can. Save it on your computer, take a picture of it on your phone, put it on your refrigerator, text it to yourself, frame it. Whatever it takes to make sure you don't lose it. The more copies, the easier step 5 will be.
    5. Fake it. You have to start acting like the man described on your list. Even if you're not confident, pretend you are. It's method acting to the extreme. This is your new personality now, and you have to break it in like a new pair of shoes. It'll be hard at first, but don't give up. For things you can't fake, like new skills, start learning as fast as possible. Even if you don't play guitar, carry one around with you or take it on trips. Why? Because the new your does (and eventually will) play guitar. To make this easier, read the list every morning when you wake up, then again when you go to work, then again when you go to lunch, and again when you head to the gym, and again when you go out to dinner with that cute 8 you asked out on the street cause that's just what the new you does, and one last time before going off to bed. Constantly be reminding yourself.
    6. Make it. After a while, your new personality will stop being an act. It'll be who you are. You'll be that charming, sociable, Spanish speaking stud you always wanted to be. Congratulations. If you did everything right, then you've just transformed yourself into your ideal self.

    If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to message me. If this works for you, please post a reply and let the world know. Any rational criticisms and advice is welcome.

  2. #2
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: The ideal self theory

    Quote Originally Posted by Bandit View Post
    The truth is you can't expect a girl to like you if you don't like yourself.
    Good work, Bandit.

    This is some straight textbook material. Be proud of this post.

    You started hitting on it, but I want to make clear to guys that they aren't changing themselves, but rather becoming their best selves.

    Tell yourself something enough times and you'll start to believe it.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  3. #3
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: The ideal self theory

    Thanks for the positive feedback. It feels good to get that this early in the game.

    As per your warning, you're absolutely right. This system will not work to its fullest extent if you are not honest with yourself. The new personality you create has to be in line with your view of what you should be (your superego). You can't use this as a chance to rewrite your entire Psyche. If what you're trying to be isn't compatible with your who you really are, then you'll just be living a lie. If it helps, think of it in terms of the movie Inception. Your mind knows what is natural and what is unnatural. If the new personality isn't a natural fit, your mind will reject it and you'll be left feeling empty.


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