First off, Hearing people talk about the friend zone, I always laughed and didn't realize the intense amount of pain and blazing hell they were going through.
Here's my story: So there's this girl (Yeah, cliche!), but yeah this girl right?, We met in college, and it's 3 months I've known her now, and I didn't feel anything for her the first month, then in-between the second month, she started getting so ******* beautiful I couldn't help myself. Oh btw, when we first met she was in a complicated LDR (Long-Distance Relationship), anyway lemme just break things down even more,
First Month: We met, became close, I didn't feel anything towards her and she didn't feel anything for me, in that aspect. But we only grew closer. We'd hungout alot, alone, and I'd flirt with her. She was always saying how confident I was and stuff, I mean I do ok with the ladies. Nyways...
Second Month: She was in a bad place coz of studies and her complicated relationship, I was there for her, I wasn't being a doormat though. I'd always make a funny situation out of everything and things went alright. We'd grown even closer. And we were pretty physical, I mean I always put my arm around her, hold her hand alot, she'd hug me and kisses on the cheek, whenever we were watching TV at my place on the couch, my arm was ALWAYS around her, she was ok with everything, but she didn't look at me in that way. Then, One blessed night, I dreamt of her, and from that next morning, whenever I looked at her, she was just so beautiful, but I didn't say anything coz she was still in this LDR! I was waiting until she ended it, which she would later do. My feeling for her grew intense daily. She had alot of guy friends, and I obviously wasn't the only one who found her attractive, but I was like first in line. So then one day she tells me, as she was over at one of her guy-friends place, he kisses her, and she goes with it coz of the current status of her relationship, so she needed something. Upon hearing the news, I couldn't help myself, I felt so hurt that a blind person could read it on my face, she immediately asked what was wrong, then I just came out with it right then, told her how I felt about her, as as fate would have it, She gave me the speech, I just want to be friends, and that I was like a brother to her BLAH BLAH ******* BLAH! Anyway things became awkward that day alone. The next day we were back to normal, like I'd said nothing, we were still physical, joked, flirted and stuff, but at least she'd known. She felt guilty about what she'd done with the guy, but she didn't end it, They'd become friends with benefits. Yeah I know, alot happened in one month alone.
Third Month: It hit me like the planes hit the world trade center. I'd been friendzoned. I immediately went to do my research, and yeah it applied to me, but I wasn't being a nice guy, well not too-nice, I was all-cool and confident and looked good and ****. Talked to girls and such, but the thing is, this girl was on my mind 24/7, even when I hung out with other girls, she was the only one I could think of. Oh by now, she'd ended her relationship and even gotten more intimate with the other guy and is getting strong feelings for him, and they'd probably had sex, I'm still yet to confirm that. Anyway we're so close now that only the forces of hell could break our friendship. She dosen't tell me anything about her relationship or her friend with benefits coz she knows it'll only hurt me, and she knows I'm trying to get over her. If I find out that she did infact, have sex with this guy, it'll just crush my heart so bad I'll die from internal bleeding. But anyway now I don't know what to do, we're physical now, I'm thinking of maybe just kissing her and hoping for the best. One thing I can never do and shouldn't even be suggested is to walk away from this friendship. No. I can't and won't so there, that's out of the question.
So after my boring story, somebody please help me out because it's not even funny at all, I actually think I'm in love with her which I hope to God not, but it could be the only possiblilty. Should I go for the kiss, and risk the friendship?, Should I try and make her jealous with other chicks? (Don't suggest that one coz it's not as easy as it sounds), I'm so confused, and hurt, and even more confused!
I'm gonna start giving her some space, (Even though every second without her hurts as ****, yeah this is cheesy but it's true). But I'm gonna try, at least make her miss me or something. I don't know, my head is spinning as **** right now. Please, anything is appreciated! (Except walking away from the friendship, again, do not suggest that)