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  • 1 Post By soadrew

Thread: Friend zoned by girl at work

  1. #1
    soadrew is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Friend zoned by girl at work

    Well we don't know each other for long, just a few months. She reflected a lot of IOIs, but also had a bf which she only told me about after she broke up. I also noticed she's the flirty/manipulative type, and could just be like that to get stuff done for her. I kept it cool and had continued practicing Kino on her until more blatant IOIs and decided to make a move by asking her out on a date to see if she's sincere, and then listening to this scripted speech about how I'm seen as a friend. My only mistake was probably doing a couple of favors for her just because she was stressed out and had exams, though I did them for nothing in return.

    Cool. My first time here in the friend zone so I thought I should see this as a new experience.

    So from the beginning of this week I did a freeze out. At work I only speak if spoken to, she's the one initiating all conversations and asking me if I need anything etc. For the record I always respond in a nice manner, but never drag on conversations. We also have to go out together for lunch (small workplace) and she's the one who initiates the talking at a ratio of 3 to 1 or so, compared to me initiating it. During our conversations I throw NEGs, DHVs here and there.

    She completely fell apart on the 2nd day. She seemed devastated by me not acting like a friend anymore, and our boss told her she could go home early because she doesn't look well. Eventually she did go home early and didn't bother showing up at work on time the next day, and apparently instead messaging the boss saying she ain't feeling well and that she needs to rest. However, she called me after, I didn't pick it up, and called her back after 25 minutes or so to which she asked when I'm going out for lunch and that she could arrange herself according to when I'm going out so we could have lunch together then go back to the office. I gave her a time and we met up (I thought about flaking, but since she's going to come back to work together with me and that we always ate lunch together due to working conditions, I thought that would be a d*ck move, not sure if this was the right call).

    She leaves work early again, and my boss comes and asks me what's wrong with her and that she ain't feeling well. The next day when we go to lunch again, on the way she starts talking about how bad she has been feeling and that her blood pressure has gone bad in the past few days (I suspect a guilt trip), so I just tell her it might be because of her diet where she's trying to lose weight and leave it at that.

    So what's the next move? I already planned a meet up with a nice girl I haven't seen for a while, and I'm also planning to arrange a hang out with this girl some time in the weekend and flake. What I'm also wondering though is when do I stop and re-enact gaming her? She always looks like she's about to burst into tears when she's talking to me and speaks in a miserable voice tone, do I wait for her to give me some speech about what happened with our friendship or something like that? Or do I make a move? Or should I just move on?

    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    DandyLion's Avatar
    DandyLion is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    Soadrew,

    Listen up my man.

    You're in a good position. But keep it cool, and keep your thoughts collected. Girls like her like to think that they can have what they want at all times, but you've proven this to her already, that she can't.

    Look, you're in a position of power now. You call the shots.

    Ask yourself: For what she did to me, is it worth it to keep pursuing her? Also, maybe ask yourself is the risk worth the reward? In another words, maybe she's just a tease, or even a gold digger, or perhaps she just is lonely and needs company?

    Either way, you need to get to the bottom of this and find out how you're going to deal with it. If i were you, I wouldn't give her much thought, and only contact her when you see fit.

    Ultimately, you could play off the jealous DHV to her by hinting that you were going to take out another girl, or simply "accidentally text her" what you intended to text the girl you were thinking about meeting up with.

    Regards,

    DandyLion

  3. #3
    soadrew is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    Thanks for the response. Nice to get assurance that I'm on the right track.

    I'll just respond to those two questions in cliff notes:

    - Is it worth pursuing her? Well she's a 8.5. As for the risk, like I said I see it as a new experience and am experimenting a little. If by risk you mean friendship well she ain't friendship material. I've got really cool girls who are awesome friends, but her? Nah, she's not like that. As the saying goes, can't win it without risking losing, huh?

    - Don't think she's a tease, nor a gold digger (because I'm a bit well on the financial side). What you said about her being lonely and needing company though, I feel that hits the nail on the head. She kept bickering about how she was lonely and none of her friends are in town to me a few days before I asked her out, but I was just brushing that talk aside and changing the subject every time.

    The text one ain't a bad idea, but I don't want it to make it too obvious that I'm really trying to get her jealous. I am gonna talk with the other girl on the phone though and for some strange reason my phone's volume is always so high that others around me can hear the voice of the person I'm talking to as well

    But how do I go on about later, like I mentioned in the OP? Do I wait for her? Move on? Make a move?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    Soadrew,

    You say she's not friendship material, don't make her into it.

    My philsoophy as an aspiring pick up artist is best exemplified by Wayne Gretzky's quote, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

    What's the worst that can happen to you? She'll reject you.

    I'll share a store with you. Today i attempted my first in person pick up and I got rejected because she had a boyfriend. Honestly, i was expecting to feel like shit, but I embraced rejection, and I realized..so what she's 1 out of a billion girls. She's just another girl in my reality.

    You need to have the mindset that she's probably not thinking about you as much as you're thinking about here. Trust me man, assume always that she is just another girl, and treat her as such.

    Unless you really like her, stick to the plan.

    I would recommend you to make a move, because girls are taught almost instinctually not to be forward with guys and to always put up a Bitch Shield & ASD so as to portray the image of being hard to get.

    What i recommend you to do is get comfortable with the kino, and make sure she understands how you feel, get on her level. There's nothing worse, as i most likely experienced today, then trying to pick up the girl that's not "ready" to be picked up in figurative terms .What happened to me today was that she hadn't developed a degree of comfortability with me yet, and I crashed and burned.

    Look at your mistakes as opportunities, and your rejections as feedback. It's just one girl, don't elevate her to be more than she is.

  5. #5
    soadrew is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    No, you misunderstood me a little I think I'm thinking exactly on the line you are. That's what I'm saying, I don't mind risking the friendship or whatever we got between each other. Hence how I'm saying I see this as an experiment in some regard, she's the opposite of a oneitis. There's loads more out there.

    But from what I gather you mean to say that the step that comes after all this is me making the move then? That's what I understand. I mean I already was comfortable with her with kino, until she told me she wasn't comfortable with my arm around her like 10 minutes after giving me the LJBF response. That's when I decided to go ahead with the freeze out and so on.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    Quote Originally Posted by soadrew View Post
    No, you misunderstood me a little I think I'm thinking exactly on the line you are. That's what I'm saying, I don't mind risking the friendship or whatever we got between each other. Hence how I'm saying I see this as an experiment in some regard, she's the opposite of a oneitis. There's loads more out there.

    But from what I gather you mean to say that the step that comes after all this is me making the move then? That's what I understand. I mean I already was comfortable with her with kino, until she told me she wasn't comfortable with my arm around her like 10 minutes after giving me the LJBF response. That's when I decided to go ahead with the freeze out and so on.
    What I'm saying is to just continue freezing out, and maybe give yourself limits. Say for example, you try again and it's still not working. Don't get angry, just play it off cooly, and move on finally.

    That's the problem with trying to pick up girls in work environments, or in school (if you mess it up with one, at least for me, I feel like you've just narrowed a lot of your options, especially if it's a really small school.

    Any other questions?

    Regards,

    DandyLion

  7. #7
    soadrew is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Friend zoned by girl at work

    Thanks a lot. Really appreciate the support.

    I understand what you mean now and it's a sound plan. I'm definitely playing the whole thing off in a cool fashion, I'm not even getting angry so it makes it easier since I won't be putting any effort to hide it either. I'll try again after a while and like you say, if it ain't working just move on.

    The reason why I was asking about continuing to freeze out or not was that because... man, it just pains me a little to see her like this. It just made me think to myself "dang, how much longer should I keep this up?". She looks like absolute sh*t, I've never seen her like this before and I know it's because of me. But I'm pretty sure I made it known to her that I'm not her friend and got that message across.

    She looks like she's in depression, she didn't come to work today either. But like you said at the very start, I'll hang in there and be vigilant


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