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Thread: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

  1. #1
    JerkStore is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    I started dating my ex a year ago.

    Due to extreme stress, as well as a cloudy self-medicated pot-brain, I treated her less than she deserved. I would often go 3 or 4 days without returning her calls or texts. I never told her I cared. We had and do have AMAZING chemistry, which I thought was enough.

    After 9 months she started to pull away, reconnected with her ex, and has been distant since.

    Despite my extreme stresses in other areas of life, I honestly thought we had a great thing going. I was blindsided. This forced me to reevaluate my approach to life. I stopped smoking weeed, lost 20 pounds, started seeing a 10 (who is a 3 in every other respect) and decided not to let my stresses control me.

    2 weeks ago I made contact with my ex again. We both agree that we have chemistry that we've never experienced before and are generally in love.

    After a few weeks of heavy flirting we fucked last night, but she called it a mistake.

    She's doesnt yet see my changes as permanent. She's still hanging out w her EX, and isn't ready to be in a relationship together.

    I honestly feel we are in love, but I hurt her before, and she's being cautious.

    Questions: should I stop seeing the 10? I don't feel right being with her, don't even enjoy hooking up with her while I have such strong emotions for my ex.

    How should I act when with my ex? Try to fuck her? Don't flirt at all?

    I'm confused and could use some help here guys...

    What would you do if you REALLY wanted this confused girl back? In fact, I'd marry her tomorrow...

  2. #2
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    What you two are feeling is great and can make any expert PUA look AFC. Which also makes me glad that you came to us for advice before making the next step.

    First off I think you should have the mindset that she already wants you back. Whether this is true or not does not matter. What matters is your behavior towards her will filter through the mindset "I already know she wants me back, she just needs time to figure it out for herself." This will help you with any AFC behavior towards her that would risk pushing her away.

    Now I know what it feels to only want the one woman and can't emotionally invest in another, but you owe it to yourself to at least keep talking to the other woman. Two reasons...

    1. This will help out balance your one-itis with your ex so you won't risk acting desperate to get her back. You have to understand that she has to sort it out in her head on her own. All you have to do is maintain that attraction, fun attitude until she comes to terms with it.

    2. By talking to the other woman will give your ex the "fear of loss." She will want you back more if she knows that if she doesn't buy your product, someone else will. If your ex knows or finds out about the other woman and gives you shit about it "How can you love me if you're talking to her?" or "You're not ready to be with me if you're talking to her," simply hold your frame and tell her that you are a grown man that doesn't have time to wait for her to figure out what she wants. This is a shit test and this is how to pass it.

    Should you still flirt with your ex? Yes. Should you still sleep with her? Why not! The only thing you have to do is focus on changing her MOOD, not her MIND. She will be confused and ask you about your future together. Just try to understand that most of what she is talking about is really just her trying to sort it out herself. So just allow her to do so without your interference of you trying to CONVINCE her you should get back together. Just give her the FEELING that you two should be together. Hope this helps and good luck.

  3. #3
    JerkStore is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    This is spot on advice.

    I noticed a difference in her attitude almost the minute she found the other girl's hair tye in my living room. I'm having a hard time with the other girl though. 9 out of 10 guys would say the new girl is hotter, but I don't feel it for her-- and I'm not the type to string along someone for sex. I get off on the interpersonal connection leading to sex, not listless fornicating.

    Analyzing my own emotions has been educational. I held the upper hand throughout our relationship. By backing off suddenly she flipped the script on me. Have I been played? Is this a silly mental weakness, or do I really want to be with only her? I think this is genuine, but the human mind an especially the human heart are flawed organs.

    Shes the type to act out what she wants before she knows whatvshe wants. She does want me back, but it'll take a few weeks or months for her brain to acknowledge this emotional truth.

    To be fair, I've already made mistakes. I've asked about her ex. Not a lot, but even once is too much. I've tried to convince her that I'm different now, instead of showing her. I've also tried to convince her that we'd be great together, instead of simply enjoying our time together and letting her figure it out on her own.

    I'm at a bachelor party, she's watching my dog in her place now.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    It's perfectly fine if you do not want to sleep with the HB10 anymore. It's difficult when you have strong emotions for someone else. It feels like a kind of betrayal. It's not logical, but emotionally it makes perfect sense. However I still think you should at least flirt with another woman to help distract you for a short time.

    This may sound cliche, but this holds alot of truth even though it's slightly inaccurate. People want what they can't have. Simple as that. But it's slightly inaccurate. If people really thought that they couldn't have something, then they wouldn't try so hard to get it. There is a part of them that KNOWS they can get it, but it's just out of their reach..... If they could only reach alittle farther then BOOM, it pulls back again slightly and makes them try to reach even more. This is called Cat String Theory. Being able to be just out of reach, but within sight is a very powerful and delicate art. If you add in the fact that she is use to your validation and now you aren't giving it to her, then those emotions are just that much stronger.

    My advice is to not completely validate her, but give her a little taste. Such as saying "You're awesome" or "You're so cool" while very simple, is not anything close to "I love you, I want you back" which may be what she wants to hear.

    And good thing you noticed that trying to convince her doesn't really work. This is the primal mistake most men make when trying to get their ex back or even trying to tell their friend that they would make a better bf than their current. Bad idea, period. This is the logical approach to something that should be handled emotionally. Like I said before, a lot of issues can be handled if you keep the mindset of "I'm going to change her MOOD around me, not her MIND about me."

  5. #5
    JerkStore is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    Spot on again sir. I'm not exactly a rookie with women, but when emotions are involved its great to hear accurate advice. For me, it is a necessary process to build my resolve for doing the right thing.

    Thanks Batman!!

    I'm hanging out with her on Sunday or Monday after I get back. I'll let you know what happens.

    To corroborate your cat/string theory, the blond model just texted me that I should be "ready for saturday" since she started reading 50 shades of grey... She can tell I'm emotionally out of reach and don't quite give a shit, which is driving her crazy (and driving me away from her). Doesn't matter that most would suggest she's out of my league.

    Conclusion: being emotionally stuck on an ex may be aweful for getting the ex back, but works wonders with any new ladies. Funny how life works sometimes...

  6. #6
    JerkStore is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    So...I haven't been back to the forums in almost 2 years. An update on the above if you care... Turns out that girl was lying to me the entire time. She swore up and down that she wasn't dating nor would ever date her ex, but she was. They are getting married this summer.

    I obviously don't talk to her at all anymore.

    Where there's smoke there's always fire gentlemen. My biggest lesson is to not engage in drama. If she needs her space, you take the opportunity to do whatever makes you happy. Don't concern yourself with figuring out a conflicted female psyche. Had I simply viewed her like a little girl who didnt know what she wanted, distanced myself and started dating other girls who weren't emotionally deficient, I would have saved myself 5 months of turmoil.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Almost have my Ex back and need advice

    Live and learn brother. Interesting story while it lasted though


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