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  1. #1
    PSAM_RST is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Been reading the stuff on this website and putting it into practice, and I thought things were going great, building attraction, etc. until...

    OK, bit of background.

    Girl at work. We both sit in the staff room at lunch with some other work colleagues (past six months now). Conversation is usually random, but when I look at her during the conversation, she locks eye contact with me and then we talk as if there is no one else in the room (although some of the others are part of the conversation). Her body language is pointing/open towards mine. She regularly preens her hair during talking, and if it falls into her face she moves it to show her full face.

    I DHV with stories related to the topic of conversation; things I have done, places I have been, interesting adventures with mates, stories about ex-gf's, etc. She also knows I am higher value because of my job/position/responsibility/qualifications, etc. I also disagree with her if I have a different opinion on what she is saying.

    I have escalated kino from touching her arm initially to now guiding her out the door with my hand on her lower back (with no resistance). Last week I kino'd with a tattoo she had on her upper leg by pushing her skirt up to view it and then touched it several times while commenting on it. Again all the while not observing any resistance or uncomfortableness from her (she let me touch/stroke her upper leg!).

    She started to instant message me at work about two months ago and regularly opens me when she sees me sign in during the morning. So I ask her (Thursday) to come with me to a thing I know she enjoys. She says she will let me know which day she is free the following day (Friday). She doesn't, so I pull her up about in on the Monday. She says that she was waiting for me to ask her (again??). I said that I was waiting for her response on which day she could go. She said sorry, I should not be so polite in the future. So I leave it a few weeks and then be more direct by telling her to meet me 'day, time, place' for a few drinks. She says she can't because she is moving into a new apartment and has no money, but that I can come over when she moves in. Also, says that she will bring me out around her new apartment, as there is some good places to drink.


    So I thought things were going good until:...in our latest IM conversation she was talking about one of her male friends who pi$$es her off for being a AFC. So I ask:

    me: what do you find attractive in a man/bf then?
    her: hmmmmmmmm why are u asking me this?
    me: why not?
    her: people only ask that when they are interested in someone
    her: and u are my friend
    (THOSE DREDDED WORDS!!)
    me: are u going to answer the question?
    her: no, it's not relevant.

    So what happened here? What did I do wrong? How do I get out of the 'friend zone' with this one?

    Sorry if this is long. Just wanted to give you all as much info. as possible, so that you could all give me some feedback, which I value.

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    I woulda have skirted the question better, like "it's not quite so black and white girl"
    Keep pushing it, just not across the line that would make it awkward at work if it doesn't work

    You may be SOL, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong per say, but if you take a few months, they just auto friend zone

    Stick to the idea of getting those drinks and ramp up the flirting then, well and as much prior as you can. Pretend you didn't hear it
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    PSAM_RST is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Red Baron View Post
    I woulda have skirted the question better, like "it's not quite so black and white girl"
    Keep pushing it, just not across the line that would make it awkward at work if it doesn't work

    You may be SOL, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong per say, but if you take a few months, they just auto friend zone

    Stick to the idea of getting those drinks and ramp up the flirting then, well and as much prior as you can. Pretend you didn't hear it
    Thanks for the reply Red Baron. And yea, I see what you did with your reply. That would have been better. I will know for next time!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    There's also a possibility that it was a sh1t test. She already played the "I was waiting for you to call" card so she may be calling you a friend trying to get you to admit your interest in her. I wouldn't say you're in the friend zone. She may just be playing head games. My suggestion is to interpret everything she says or does as her trying to hit on you. So when she called you a friend you could say, " Lol don't flatter yourself. Yea I see you as a friend, but you flirt with me all the time so I question your intentions."

  5. #5
    PSAM_RST is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    OK, so the conversation continued on while I was waiting for responses on here, which went like this:

    her: no, its not relevant
    me: OK (I just replied with a nonchalant response)

    her: why capitals, is that an OK with an angry face?
    her: or and okkkk with a back off face?
    me: cos OK is an abbreviation of okay
    her: yea but capitals usually mean the person is shouting
    me: why would u think I am angry?
    her: I dont think that, im asking cos caps are usually used when a person is shouting
    me: I usually type OK like that, check previous IM above
    her: I must not have noticed

    her: why would u b interested in the answer?
    me: like u said it's not relevant
    me: so it doesn't really matter, does it?
    her: no, it is relevant in ur case cos u asked the question
    her: and I need the reason behind it cos if I hear the reason then it may explain why u asked
    her: which then might make ur question relavent

    Now this might be where I started to fark up the conversation (because I was just blindsided with the 'u r a friend' comment)

    me: but u already answered it, so it's OK
    her: ok stop all this confusion and just answer this... why did u ask me that question to start off with?
    her: and why would my answer interest u?
    me: to answer that would take some time
    me: and additional information
    me: and IM is not the appropriate place to do it on
    her: I don't think it would take that much time to answer this... I sort of think I know why u asked but I dont wana say it in case im wrong

    ....I didn't reply.

    So, initially she says that it is not relevant, but now she has brought it up twice??? But her last comment again seems to suggest that I have been put in the 'friends zone'??

    Comments on what's going on and/or suggestions on where I farked up would be appreciated? Thanks



  6. #6
    PSAM_RST is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    There's also a possibility that it was a sh1t test. She already played the "I was waiting for you to call" card so she may be calling you a friend trying to get you to admit your interest in her. I wouldn't say you're in the friend zone. She may just be playing head games. My suggestion is to interpret everything she says or does as her trying to hit on you. So when she called you a friend you could say, " Lol don't flatter yourself. Yea I see you as a friend, but you flirt with me all the time so I question your intentions."
    Hi Batman, Thanks also for the reply. I thought that it might have been a sh1t test, but she replied so fast and specifically with the 'u r a friend' and 'its not relevant' that it didn't quite feel like one!?!

    The information that I just posted may shed some more light on the situation?

    I am really confused with this one.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Lmao I am convinced now she is just playing games and being coy. Think about it....would a woman who wasn't interested and really seeing you as a friend be digging at something so trivial?

    She is obviously a strong logical communicator and doesn't rely on body language but words. This sort of says that she may be inexperienced. So she wants verbal validation of your interest.

    My suggestion.....don't . Let her continue to wonder until you are alone in bed and about to do the deed. Soak in the tension that has been created and let it fuel your interaction with each other. Or at least until she gets so frustrated she looks like she's going to stop trying. Then reveal just a tiny bit to satisfy her curiosity but don't completely give it away. You have this in the bag my friend so no worries.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Then look at her last message. "I don't want to be wrong" she just gave it to you. She doesn't want to be open with her interest because she fears rejection. It may be obvious to you that you are interested and wonder why she doesn't see that, but logical communicators are all about words and ignore body language almost completely. Again use this to your advantage and don't reveal it just yet. I know you think you messed up on that last part, but I think you played it perfectly by not budging.

  9. #9
    The Red Baron's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Gotta agree with Batman 100%.
    I think this girl was partly on the fence, the only thing I don't like is that she said - we are friends - explicitly, but she wouldn't keep the game up if she wasn't curious
    Like batman says don't go be explicit, tease her and play with it. No direct answers, make her search for it. Flirt with her, build physical sexual tension, it will draw her in more and more

    In all reality it looks like the situation has worked great for you, it's created just the spark of mystery to make her wonder. Now keep it up
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  10. #10
    PSAM_RST is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I have just been blindsided with the 'friend zone'. WTF happened?

    Thanks for the comments and feedback on how to proceed further.

    I am relatively new to all the PUA stuff and so am learning as I go along and putting this stuff into practice. There is sooooo much to learn and I am grateful for the feedback and analysis I am getting, which helps me to understand and develop further from more experienced people.

    So from your comments above I have tried to apply it today at work and this is what has happened so far...

    So I get into work this morning and there is an email from her saying that she is sorry but she had to leave work early so she could not carry on the conversation we were having via IM and that she didn't want me to think she was being rude (I hadn't replied to her last txt (above) anyway!...and had no intention of replying).

    So I decide to ignore it and not reply, to create a bit of tension between us. I see her from a distance as I was going for lunch but just nod my head to acknowledge I see her but nothing more, and then decide to sit outside and not in our normal place of the staff room.

    10 mins after I get back from lunch, she opens me via IM's and says..

    her: helloooooooo, u just can't ignore me
    me: Hey
    me: I'm not ignoring u
    her: hmmmmm, I know that you can open an email and write in it
    her: or reply to an email

    So at this point I decide to give her a little neg and call her rude for waiting til the morning to email to explain and not sending a txt earlier!

    She explains again that she had to leave early and that she is not a rude person at all.

    So I start to be playful (push/pull I think) here and tell her that her behaviour was not acceptable, that I won't stand for it, and that she need to make sure that I receive her messages so that I know she is not actually a rude person, cos I only have her words for it at the moment...

    We then actually end up spending the next two hours IM txtin (I would love to post it, to get feedback but I think it would be way to lonnnnnnnnng), where I did lots of push/pull, little negs, jokes, etc. So hopefully this is building the tension.

    Is there any other things I could do here that I am missing/not thought about to improve this situation/tension further?



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