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Thread: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

  1. #11
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Or you could just say screw it and tell her anyways the way I explained. Expressing it simply could be enough to get her receptive, but it's not guaranteed.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    In the comedy Anger Management they talk about the difference between irrational anger and legitimate anger. You have legitimate cause to be upset, but you have to play it right. Yes, be obviously torqued but not because you care, just because what she did was wrong. Make her feel like sh*t, because she deserves to feel like sh*t, but then walk away because she's a sh*tty person. She'll chase you in time because you're an investment, and your ability to walk away proves your manhood.

    Indifference to her approval is one of the sexiest traits you can show a woman.
    Quote Originally Posted by tmalonetn View Post
    Stand your ground.. but in a respectable way. Don't act like a total A$$hole.... but let her know she was out of line if that happens to be the case. (But again, still showing respect the whole time.)

    Got an update, I was going to update after every message but I said "Eff that, I'll take the risks of sorts"

    Anyway let's get down to business, after I sent "Is that the type of person you are?"

    She sent me: "What type of person? :S Someone who would patch things up with the person they've been with for 3 years? Ermm. Yup."

    Me: " And that is fantastic, it truly is an admirable action. And I understand. But that is an answer to a different question, not to the one I asked.

    There was an expectation I was lead to believe...."

    Her: " I'm sorry sometimes things change."

    Here I thought, now I'm just going to say how I feel, I've already lead in to it might as well.

    Me: " I'll tell you this; I thought you wanted something real, I took your word for it. I believed you.
    But you lead me on and threw me to the side and that's not right.
    In all honesty, I don't have time for these childish games."


    After about three hours, I'm guessing because I called her out. She goes

    Her: "Sorry if that's what you thought...I didn't mean to hurt you on purpose. I didn't even me to lead you on :/ we can be mates?"

    Now I'm in hysterics, because that's what I thought she would say. She has nowhere to go except for an apology. The question is Batman, Robin and...Alfred (Tmalonetn do you want to be Bane instead?) What do I reply?

    I was going to reply something along the lines of:

    "I'm not hurt, in fact I'm fine. Are birds okay flying South in the winter? Then yeah I'm bloody great. There's really nothing more to talk about" [Or maybe I should put something like "I'll call you later?"]

    I'm asking now because I think this will be the final text or maybe the second last one before I a freeze her for a good week or two. What do you think of how I've handled it so far?

    Also I am extremely grateful for your advice.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    In my opinion I think you did great. You even held your frame after she challenged it with the whole".....the type of person that tries to patch up with their ex of 3 years? Yup" comment. Even showing her understanding about it allowing her to be more receptive to your side. Great stuff.

    Doubt it would work very well if you told her that there wasn't anything else to discuss. She seems pretty bent on working with her ex despite her receptivity. You may want to try what my friend did and try something along the lines of "Look I was just upset. I don't want this to dictate whether you are in my life because the answer is I do. I definitely want to stay in contact and would like it if we could talk everyday." Then you just don't contact her after that for about a week.

    There are more techniques to being her "friend" without getting into the friendzone. Then if/when things don't work out with the ex, you may or may not be there. But as long as focus on being her escape from her ex-bf and not her pillowtalk buddy, you should be fine.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Lol, Bane's a f*cking beast.

    I like what BatMan said. For sure it would work, we just have different styles and approaches. Here's my response:

    (You'll have to change this accordingly. In the US we primarily use the term "mate" as a scientific term regarding sexual activity, not slang for friends, so I'm not sure how to word that just because it's a difference in culture. I'll use the word friend because it's easier for me to understand and I'm sure you can alter it as needed.)

    You: "Friends?" Hah, I'd say yeah but the truth is I have plenty of friends and don't need anymore. With you I'd like more, and if you're not up for that I understand, but you don't get boyfriend benefits. That's not fair of you to expect. I'm not the kind of guy who waits around, so if and when you change your mind get back to me."

    Freeze Out.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  4. #14
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Ah damn this is hard, I like both methods. They're like polar opposites but they both look like it'll work.

    Thing is though I have no need to contact her for 1-2 weeks. It really is only next week or the week after that I'll contact her to tell her to meet me up when I'm in London. Also it's just that I feel if I say to her "I'll be your friend" she'll feel like she's won. But then again actions speak louder than words, if I just ignore her after this response it won't matter much.

    Dammit the route is hard to choose...

  5. #15
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Alright, I just got back from work and went for a walk.

    How about this a combination of the two routes:

    " "Friends?" I'm not sure if we could even work as friends, I have enough of those already. I'm not the type of person who sits around wasting time with phony relations. But at the same time, I don't mind staying in contact and I would like if we spoke, so that we can build something from there."

    Freeze out

    Something along those lines....Dammit I'm baffled as to what to say, this is the final text, I want it to have enough power.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Making a hybrid is definitely interesting. I think you should work backwords on this. First think of your goal. Let's assume it's to sleep with her. How did you get there? Think backwards about the events and things that you did to get there and figure out what you have to do to actually get there. This should help clear things up about what you have to do. It comes down to choice.

  7. #17
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Got it,

    "I'm not hurt, I'm disappointed. You're aware of how I feel when people say one thing and do another*. And I don't know how a friendship would work between us, I'm not the type of person who sits around wasting time with phony relations, and it's not fair of you to expect me to change my view straight away.

    But at the same time, I don't want to lose contact, I would like it if we spoke. So that may build something from there."


    *When we met we had conversation about 'promises'. I explained to her that I am a man of my word and I absolutely hate it when someone is a hypocrite. I told her that even if they are family or close friends, the minute they turn in to a hypocrite my opinion of them drops straight away.

    Now I either do the Freeze Out here, or I reply to the next message after this and do the Freeze Out.

    The next message from her, should be along the lines of " I'm sorry....But yes I would like that too. So what are you up to?" (pure speculation from just looking at the patterns of her text)She may want to apologise again and then quickly change the subject.

    The reason I'm thinking this is because, I've put her self worth down a bit lower, I'm bringing up a conversation we had and thus she'll know how much she has disappointed me. I'm setting a hoop she has to jump through now and she can only jump through my hoop, which is set ridiculously high. Yet the ending of this text gives a little bit of hope to her, so this way she feels that 'I have a way of redeeming myself'. Keep in mind that I'm aware that her and I wanted a relationship, it's just didn't work out that way. This text I believe hints that a future relationship would be possible but it also gives me the power to push her away (since I don't waste my time), it'll also plant an idea in her mind that if I wanted something it would be serious.

    Also it allows me to have an easier way of freezing her out, I don't appear as a total a$$hat but the light rejection is sophisticated and it does give me the excuse to call her before I go London in 2 weeks or something.

    My ultimate goal with this goal was to have a long term relationship, but I'm not that bothered to be honest. What do you think? In all honesty I may just go with it anyway, I'm tired of this drama.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Sounds good enough for me. A little controlled in my opinion. I like to make it sound like I lost some control of myself. Comes across as more genuine. But this response should suffice.

    And there's nothing saying you don't have to change the subject yourself first. You want to simply state your feelings and expectations and move on without trying to convince or seek a reaction. So changing the subject yourself will accomplish this. You can actually start talking normally immediately then freeze her out when you two are on good terms again. This will send mixed signals and hopefully draw her to you because she will want to figure you out. Keep her guessing.

  9. #19
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Thanks Batman, your f*cking awesome. You too Robin and Bane. Thank you for your guidance.

    Batman I hope this helps with your search on finding the right formula. Thank you once again. Now on to the other girl my text game is going pretty good with this other one.

  10. #20
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Hope it works out. I've only got the broad strokes of these theories for now.


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