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Thread: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

  1. #1
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Alright I'm a beginner PUA, so I'm still learning the ropes.

    Anyway there's this girl I was interested in, a HB8 South Asian I would say, but she texted me recently saying that we should be mates because she was "patching" things with her ex.

    So here's the background story, I went on holiday to a different country and I met her there. I approached her, she was with a friend (we'll call her "J") as well, found out the they're from England, like me. Although the HB8 was in a different city to me while her friend "J" wasn't. Found out the HB8 and "J" was locked out one of their rooms because of something to do with room mates. Eventually J left. So HB8 and I were alone, it's around 3am now.

    HB8 asked me how many girls I've dated, how did they go and what was my longest relationship I've had. I gave her those answers. From what I can remember she was also seeking approval, I beleive, she asked me if it's weird that she doesn't feel like getting laid on holiday, like one of her roommates (there were 7 of them) hence why she couldn't go in to the room.

    I said to her "Not really no, it depends on who you are. If someone was looking for a long term relationship they may go after you, probably". She then asked me would I, I replied "maybe". Then I told her lets go watch the sunrise, so we did, we spoke about some things. Came back in to the room and we ended up cuddling. She said she wanted to kiss me, but I didn't allow her. I told her not to be too greedy.

    This when she told me that "I don't want this to be a holiday fling, I want to see you when we get back". In truth I probably shouldn't have said "Yeah sure". Plus in the back of my head, I knew she was feeling lonely simply because her roommate was sleeping around and the HB8 must have felt left out. Plus we were both on holiday, people are more relaxed and in the mood on holiday.

    Then came the next day (my last day in that country) I told her too meet me on the roof at sunset. We met, we spoke, got closer and we kissed. But then we had to go because we weren't actually allowed on the roof (technically it was a restricted area, we got caught). I got her number and then her name and that's it there I had to catch plane soon after. This is on Sunday 19th July.

    Alright so back in England, I dropped her text a day after she got back on Wednesday 25th around 17:00. The disease of oneitis was popping up now, in the back of my mind.

    She responded in the early morning of Thursday 26th. I didn't contact her back till the next day, the 27th, because while at work the HB 8's room mates which included "J" visited the place I work. This was not planned however, I work in a dessert place, so I was just coincidence.

    So while on break I texted the HB 8 and told her, thather friends are here, this is the one time where we were rapidly texting till I had to get back to work. Later on I sent a neg hit text (early morning of 28th) which was relevant to an earlier conversation we had while abroad, and we teased each other through text messages. I told her I've got some stuff to do and see while in her city on the 21st of August, which is London, and that we should meet up. She replied "Sure ", this was part of a longer message.

    I believe this is where I messed up. I sent her text, in the evening of the 28th and she didn't reply. I rang her the next day (29th) she didn't pick up, so around 3 hours after ringing I sent her text saying "Oh yeah, I forgot, I rang you because I need to talk to you about the 21st August, call me back". She sent me a text saying that she couldn't pick up because she was in the cinema with her family but we could text, unfortunately I didn't time the call right because I was at work... So I couldn't text her, but there was a perfect hook and I missed it.

    Then she text me again asking why I rang her and if I really rang her just to set a date or if I wanted to hear her voice. And then I stupidly fell in to that trap I told her I wanted to hear her voice, without any emoticons. I also sent another text, a few hours later, saying that I don't know which train station I should get off at. She didn't reply back to both of them.

    This is where the oneitisness and weakness was being conveyed through my text messages...

    Then on the 30th at 17:00 I was impatient, instead of waiting for a text. I texted her asking her what station should I go to because I was confused, and all truth googling that would have answered my question, but I quickly wanted to book the tickets while the fares were low. She didn't reply till midnight of the 31st where she essentially said:

    "Sorry for the late reply...I've been busy...Spending time with my ex boyfriend and trying to patch things...We can still be friends though..."

    I was going to reply immediately, but I didn't. I was going to tell her that: " I'm sorry what? I don't want to be your friend, I never saw you like that and you know that, it was your idea for it not to be a fling. The hell is that about? You just played me didn't you? You know what Us being friends is impossible, goodbye." But I never.

    I thought I would let my emotions subside. I need to be a it more calculating about this, find a proper way to advance because an issue that arises here is that, I do need to go to London and I would like to see her while I'm there. Also I don't want to lose this girl completely, for some odd reason, I would like to date her. Thus I've come across this PUA forum for the first time. So how do I proceed, since her last text at midnight of the 31st I haven't responded.

    Funnily enough, during the entire length of that I've been advancing with this other girl quite smoothly, don't get why I got oneitis with this HB8.

    I'm sorry about the length but I thought I would give as much necessary information as possible so that , hopefully, you guys can give me advice quite easily. I appreciate any advice.

    Regards, Artorias.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    I actually think your game was fine. Even the best of us still make these tiny mistakes that we can't always avoid and most of the time can recover quite nicely. I don't think you could've done much more that would guarantee that she wouldn't see her ex and try to patch things up with him.

    So I'm thinking there are 3 options here with only 2 viable ones. One of those options is to be her friend, but we already know that's a no no.

    Another option would be to pretend to be her friend. I have a buddy who was in the friend zone with this woman and one day she proclaimed "You are like a brother to me." He quickly agreed and that since they were "friends" he told her that he would like them to still talk every day. She got really excited about his response and said "Of course!" He then proceeded to ignore her calls and texts for a week. After that week he finally got back to her with the "Sorry I've been busy" with no malicious tone. This sent her attraction through the roof and they soon started to date afterwards.

    The next option may go against what alot of PUAs on this forum would do, but I think it's my favorite option. And that is to get PISSED! You deserve to be upset. She lead you on without completely resolving things with her ex. But there is a certain way to convey this. Too much and you risk coming across as overdramatic and needy. Too little and you won't have the impact you could've had.

    The trick is to first show her indifference to get her into what I call "receptive mode." This is to ensure that when you are ready to get pissed she is less likely to look at you like you're being weird or a drama queen. You do this by saying things like "Wow really?" or "Ok whatever then." Basically conveying that you don't give a fuck. But obviously showing that you actually do by showing you are upset. When she starts to question you then you move onto "Nothing don't worry about it. Not like you did before anyways." If she is still receptive at this point then you can tell her how you feel, but DO NOT ask her any questions. Things like "Why would you say this and do that?" type of stuff won't fly. Simple state how you feel and your expectations. "I thought you wanted something real and you lead me on. I don't have time for these little kid games. blah blah blah" Then cut her off completely with a "Have a nice life" kind of thing.

    If at ANY time she seems resistant to the way you are expressing yourself then STOP, tell her it's no big deal and that you will call her later.

    The idea is that most women will say they don't like drama..... but that is false for the most part. Our lives revolve around conflicts. Just look at the way movies and books are made. Would you watch a movie where everyone was happy and NO conflicts existed. Even these little kid shows have conflicts within them. Why is Jersey Shore popular? I have no fucking clue! But I do know they have tons of conflict. You just have to reveal the conflict a little at a time to suck them into it so by the time they know what the conflict is, they are already in too deep. Why? Because we are natural problem solvers and that's what we do. Solve one conflict and then time to solve the next.

    I know this was farely long, but hopefully this helps you in your situation.

  3. #3
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post

    The next option may go against what alot of PUAs on this forum would do, but I think it's my favorite option. And that is to get PISSED! You deserve to be upset. She lead you on without completely resolving things with her ex. But there is a certain way to convey this. Too much and you risk coming across as overdramatic and needy. Too little and you won't have the impact you could've had.
    Thanks for the reply. The second option seems like a good option, however with me I don't really think it's that viable. I don't really know this girl, I've only seen her for about 8 hours (accumulated) to be honest. Although it does seem like a good option to do if you have known them for longer.

    The third option though appeals to me the most, it was something I was going to do anyway but I had no idea about how to do it. It's been about 3-4 days since her message. If I text her "Wow, really?", she should most likely respond simply because I'm guessing she's still wondering what my response would be. Then I should just take things slowly and calmly from there right? By slowly I mean replying extremely late to her messages, because all of would be done through text.

    So if she starts getting annoyed and I end it, with "Don't worry about it, I'll call (or "contact you" (that's too formal right?) ) later". But obviously I don't straight away. Do I keep it on ice for a good 2-3 weeks? Then ring her 3-5 days before I go London telling her to meet me up and when she does (well she should provided I be direct enough, and if she's hesitant using the Yes Ladder technique should get her to come) it would be good time to incorporate BF Destroyer Technique. Because let's face it, there's a reason as to why they broke up, if I praise/defend the other guy. It should work in a sense. How does that sound to you BatMan?

    (P.S. How are things in Gotham? :P )

  4. #4
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    I don't know what neighborhood BatMan is from, but I'm pretty sure he & I shared the same planet before Earth. LOL!

    What I'm saying is, he gave you SOLID advice.

    Don't just let her off the hook by texting "Don't worry about it." That will send you to the bottom of her list faster than anything else. (Doing that would make her think you're weak, spineless & insecure. Otherwise known as a P*SSY.)

    Honestly, women will forgive you for being a jerk, before they'll forgive you for being a wimp, wuss, p*ssy, pushover, etc..

    Stand your ground.. but in a respectable way. Don't act like a total A$$hole.... but let her know she was out of line if that happens to be the case. (But again, still showing respect the whole time.)

    Don't be afraid to put HER on hold / in the friend zone. People are NOT offended by others who do the same things THEY do themselves. And women put guys in the friend zone every day; So, there's no way she can call you out for it.

    But to answer your last question.... from what I've heard through the grapevine: Gotham city was wiped out/ blown the hell up!



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    I will hold my ground, BatMan, as always, is right (well he was wrong with the Joker but that's a different story). I have the right to be pissed off because I am pissed off ("throw in Han Zimmer Gotham's Reckoning track in the background"). I genuinely am pissed off.

    So when she shows signs of resistance through her text messages, because I know she will. Instead of saying " Don't worry about it" I should instead say "Look I've had enough of talking about this, I'll end this here, I'll call you later when necessary". Or should I stick with Batman's ending of saying " It's no big deal, I'll call you later" - this one stands it's ground yet leaves some form of opportunity.

    Does that sound better? Keep in mind that when I do see her, I'll act like a friend then. While at the same time using BF Destroyer and re-building attraction and tension.

    Also Update, I still haven't responded. I'll do it when I know the proper path to take. But I think I already know it thanks to you guys.

    (P.S. Gotham went to the sh!tter, you couldn't even recognise it)

  6. #6
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    I should change my name to Robin. BatMan and I make a good team, and I want to throw in my supporting role to reinforce his point.

    We fall in love with our investments. The more we invest in something, the more it means to us. This girl has invested in you. Because of this you have leverage.

    In the comedy Anger Management they talk about the difference between irrational anger and legitimate anger. You have legitimate cause to be upset, but you have to play it right. Yes, be obviously torqued but not because you care, just because what she did was wrong. Make her feel like sh*t, because she deserves to feel like sh*t, but then walk away because she's a sh*tty person. She'll chase you in time because you're an investment, and your ability to walk away proves your manhood.

    Indifference to her approval is one of the sexiest traits you can show a woman.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  7. #7
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Thanks guy. You guys are awesome! And Gotham did go to ish. I retired remember. Party time!

    The main thing I like to think is to misconstrue her self image. People tend to HATE it when people have a wrong self image of them. Telling her that she is not the person you thought she was will cause her to seek your validation because she will want to make it right. Although this is still risky since she may be more focused on her ex. This is why its better to make sure she is in some kind of "receptive mode" so that way she is sucked into your reality by the time you reveal how you feel about the situation.

    However, you may not be able to get her into receptive mode so then you have to make a decision whether to still tell her how you feel with the risk of her not investing. Which could still work if you tell her then let it sit for a few days so she can wrap her head around what she did to you.

    I must say I am still experimenting with the right formula on exactly how to go about expressing your anger. I've told a woman straight out one time without waiting to see if she was receptive and it worked like a charm. Then I overdid it and pushed her away. Eventually got her back, but again I'm still figuring out the formula.

    All I know is that after I told her how I felt(I didn't ask her ANY questions as to why she did certain things) I left it alone and all she said was "Ok". Then 10 minutes later she said "I think we should talk in person." I then made a joke completely unrelated to show that I was "Fine" then told her there wasn't anything more to discuss. That burned her up so much because I didn't give her the chance to explain herself. So this had her actually chasing me. Blew me away with the results because I didn't think it would actually work.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Quote Originally Posted by Artorias View Post
    The third option though appeals to me the most, it was something I was going to do anyway but I had no idea about how to do it. It's been about 3-4 days since her message. If I text her "Wow, really?", she should most likely respond simply because I'm guessing she's still wondering what my response would be. Then I should just take things slowly and calmly from there right? By slowly I mean replying extremely late to her messages, because all of would be done through text.

    So if she starts getting annoyed and I end it, with "Don't worry about it, I'll call (or "contact you" (that's too formal right?) ) later". But obviously I don't straight away. Do I keep it on ice for a good 2-3 weeks? Then ring her 3-5 days before I go London telling her to meet me up and when she does (well she should provided I be direct enough, and if she's hesitant using the Yes Ladder technique should get her to come) it would be good time to incorporate BF Destroyer Technique. Because let's face it, there's a reason as to why they broke up, if I praise/defend the other guy. It should work in a sense. How does that sound to you BatMan?

    (P.S. How are things in Gotham? :P )
    I think if she starts to respond immediately to "Wow really?" then you should keep the momentum going. Follow up with something like "Is that the type of person you are?" Keep saying vague things until she is sucked in to what you are talking about and really wants to know. Like I said if she shows resistance you have the option to say "Just forget it. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Then don't call her for a week.

    Or you could just say screw it and tell her anyways the way I explained. Expressing it simply could be enough to get her receptive, but it's not guaranteed.

  9. #9
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Thanks guys, and Cody you are Robin just don't tell people. Although change your costume, it looks a tad bad. The one from Arkham City is pretty cool though. Besides Bruce the world needs the Bat.

    I'll send the first text "Wow,really?" in the morning (it's 3 am over here) to get her in " Receptive Mode ", the second text I'll send will be to make sure that she is still in "Receptive mode". The third text I'll send will essentially be "Destructive" after that I'll send the text where I walk away, it could have a light joke in it as well. I'll leave it on ice for a good few days, if she does try to "talk", I'll say the same thing as The Bat, "there's nothing to talk about".

    The question now is do I initiate contact before I go London (because I need to go there latest September 5th, I may stay there for two days, I have some work there). Or if I push the right buttons, she should initiate contact with me right? Of course I should ignore those attempts.

    Wait we could call this Ri.Rc.D.G? Receptive (in), Receptive (check), Destructive, Go. That's a sh*t name.

    One last thing, will it be a good idea to keep updating my situation on this thread so that when an Aspiring PUA falls in to the same situation, they could look at this thread and learn a thing or two?

    One last thing, Bat you mentioned you're still working out the formula. What if the formula differs on different types of women? Because this girl here, I believe she may be an NDI a Hopeful Romantic perhaps? I'm not quite sure how to tell the types of woman but I'll learn. It could be that an NDI needs to be put in receptive mode, due to be blind in a sense. A TDI may need to be put in her place, perhaps?
    Last edited by Artorias; 08-02-2012 at 09:03 PM. Reason: to add stuff

  10. #10
    Artorias is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF because of her Ex? How to Proceed?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    I think if she starts to respond immediately to "Wow really?" then you should keep the momentum going. Follow up with something like "Is that the type of person you are?" Keep saying vague things until she is sucked in to what you are talking about and really wants to know. Like I said if she shows resistance you have the option to say "Just forget it. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Then don't call her for a week.

    Or you could just say screw it and tell her anyways the way I explained. Expressing it simply could be enough to get her receptive, but it's not guaranteed.

    Alright I texted her "Wow, really?" around 5 hours later she texted me:

    "Yeah...Sorry! How are you though? How's work going?"


    I haven't responded yet, my phone's receptor is loose and I can't be arsed to fix it now. But I love this, I love how she's trying to complete avoid the subject.

    I'm going to reply: "Is that the type of person you are?".

    This is actually quite fun now.


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