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Thread: Major trust and openess problems with wife

  1. #1
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    Default Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Hello pua community,

    First post here, decided to help out a good friend who sounds like hes having some marriage problems so Im posting on his behalf. There a young couple in their late 20's, been married about 1 an a half years.

    From what ive been told thus far, deffo sounds like major needyness an insecurity issues with the wife. Hubby apparently never gets angry with her, just accepts it, but his patience is running out. Heres the situation.

    Guy met this girl on this chinese site called qq, they fell in love, he flew over there, got to know the fam, an eventually they got married, been living togeather ever since. Fastforward to 5 months ago an shes started displaying alot of needyness an insecurity.

    She has an argument over nothing 2-3 times a day, and dosnt really trust him. when ever she sees or hears of him talking to other women, she assumes he was flirting an yells at him/pissed for a few days/acts like a total bitch. She also twists the situations so hes always in the wrong, which to me sounds like shes reframing for a powergrab in order to sooth her insecurity? Or something.

    Lastly, she dosnt really get along with many peeps in the states and basically refuses to make friends. They even recently had some chinese students stay with them which was her idea an she eventually got pissed off with them/started being rude even though the guests apparently were super friendly an kept the place clean..

    Also, my mates never heard of pickup arts before, and I live in the uk, hes in the states, so If I could get some advice that I could easily translate to noobie over instant chat that would be perfect. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Hey dude,

    How are you? Very kind of you to post on behalf.

    Wow. This guy has got a LOT on his hands. A few questions about the situation:

    Was she always insecure and bitchy?
    How long did they date before they fell in love and got married? (sounds like not long enough)
    Does she speak good english? (perhaps this is a barrier that makes her feel isolated and nervous about peeps)
    Do they have kids?
    What kind of upbringing did she have? (not to generalize, but Asian men are sometimes less kind than American men)

    So, you may be wondering where I'm headed with my line of questioning.

    We definitely need to get to the root of her insecurity. How deep is it and where does it stem from? Was she loved as a child or was she mistreated? Did her Dad cheat on her Mom? Maybe that is why she is so irate over your friend talking with other women.

    Your friend can DEF benefit from PU Arts. The bottom line is he needs to figure out what the problem is and come up with an action plan for dealing with it. Being a doormat isn't helping.

    If he decides that the problems are too big, and they don't have kids, it may be best to cut his losses and divorce her. The threat of it alone may help her to clean up her act. Life is too short to live with a bitch when you don't have to!

    Some women are not quality women. Perhaps she is just such a woman. This is definitely her issue, not his. But, he needs to start managing this.

    I dated an Asian woman for a while. The sex was good but the relationship was rocky. She divorced her first husband because she thought he liked her sister. We were fuck buds but she always complained about a variety of things including who else she thought I was seeing even tho I assured her there was no one else. I swear we were together as long as we were because I refused to take her crap and that turned her on. I finally came to realize her insecurities were too big and I got tired of trying to relieve them so I bailed on her ass. She did say at times "Men suck!" which really made me wonder about her childhood.She HATED Asian men. I was always kind to her, but, not a doormat.

    I would need to know more to determine what he should do.

    Good luck,
    -Mr P

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Sounds more like something for couples counseling. Much more than what a responding post can fix. Although there are some mindsets I carry with me everywhere I go so maybe these will help.

    -Focus on changing her mood, not her mind.

    -Whatever you put your focus/attention on, you give it power.

    - Most things aren't about who's right or wrong, but who has the stronger frame of mind.

    These are just some of the mindsets I carry with me and have helped me numerous times along with others.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Agree with BatMan. This is couples counseling material. If you were to ask me my opinion though, it sounds like bad decision after bad decision. I have always been the kind of guy who would rather walk away over work things out (most of the time.)

    Quote Originally Posted by misterp2112 View Post
    I dated an Asian woman for a while. The sex was good but the relationship was rocky. She divorced her first husband because she thought he liked her sister. We were fark buds but she always complained about a variety of things including who else she thought I was seeing even tho I assured her there was no one else. I swear we were together as long as we were because I refused to take her crap and that turned her on. I finally came to realize her insecurities were too big and I got tired of trying to relieve them so I bailed on her ass. She did say at times "Men suck!" which really made me wonder about her childhood.She HATED Asian men. I was always kind to her, but, not a doormat.
    Mr. P, may I ask you a few questions? (Not to hijack the thread)

    What is your race/ethnicity & nationality?
    What was this woman's nationality? Obviously there is a significant difference between Asian women born into western culture and Asian women originally from the east.
    How old are you and how old is/was she? Or I guess at the time.

    I ask because I would like your help if possible
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #5
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Batman, and Cody. Well said. Couples counseling would be a good thing. However, be sure to get a good counselor. The point will be, are these deep seated issues rooted in her upbringing or is she feeling isolated because she is a fish out of water. If it is the first case, and it looks like they will take tons of work to fix, he needs to decide if he wants to put in the work, or walk away.

    For the record, I hope my words don't sound harsh. I would always advocate loving someone and giving the benefit of the doubt, but, reality is reality and hard as it is, he may have to walk.

  6. #6
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Cody, I would be happy to share my experiences, Can you send me a private message here?

  7. #7
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Disclaimer: I love all races and people. I have nothing against any cultures, and love to learn about as many as I can. I hope that what I said about Asian men sometimes not treating women well is understood as something I heard from my Asian born lady friend. Apologies in advance for any unintended offense.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    [QUOTE=misterp2112;52 509]Batman, and Cody. Well said. Couples counseling would be a good thing. However, be sure to get a good counselor. The point will be, are these deep seated issues rooted in her upbringing or is she feeling isolated because she is a fish out of water. If it is the first case, and it looks like they will take tons of work to fix, he needs to decide if he wants to put in the work, or walk away.
    /QUOTE]

    My thoughts exactly. She could feel very isolated and powerless and acting out of some kind of desperation. Or homesick. But only a counselor can spend enough time on this specific issue to get to the root of what's really going on. I just hope that it's really just some kind of miscommunication and they find a better way to understand each other.

  9. #9
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Major trust and openess problems with wife

    Right on batman! They need to get to the bottom of it. However, he must take the reigns and demand it. It's only right and better for them both.


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