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Thread: I want my buddy's ex, help please

  1. #1
    szh
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    Default I want my buddy's ex, help please

    A friend of mine brought around this girl. I'm going to keep this short but she was out of all of our league but thought we were fun. Basically a dream girl. But my friend called dibs and I backed off.

    Eventually they start going out and it's like needles being slowly inserted into my nut sack to watch them. She's also being flirty and sending major IOIs to me the entire time, but in a way that could just be social.

    Eventually (five months later), she breaks it off with my friend, it breaks my buddy's heart. Not long after, she texts me to say the break up was because she was interested in me.

    This friend is like a brother to me, he's been there for me since third grade.

    This girl could be The One. Watching them go out was a new form of torture. I've missed out on girls before but this was something new.

    Girl and I have had no contact for 2 months now, and buddy isn't showing any signs of getting over her (he's still trying to get her back) but I hear from friends that she is over him (wondering if it was a mistake to try to stay friends, and she's turning down invitations to hang out with him in her free time) I also hear that she still wants me.

    Is there any advice on how to salvage both relationships? Or should I pick one or the other?

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    Pickup artists aren't necessarily the best people for advice on this, you probably want relationship therapists

    But here's my shot. You gotta be clear with your buddy, tell him you backed off because he called dibs but you want to know if it's ok to go see her
    Do not tell him what she told you! That would end your friendship with him
    Basically you want him to say its ok. If not then you can push the idea and say you're gonna do it anyway, but that would probably ruin the friendship for a while. To be honest even if you did I think he'll get over it, maybe a month, maybe 6 months later, as long as you tell him first and he doesn't just see you doing it sometime
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    szh
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    Talked to my buddy about it, didn't go well. Texted the girl, no response. I'll keep you guys posted.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    This may sound harsh, but it's not your fault that your friend couldn't hold onto that girl. Attraction isn't a choice and only 5 months later they broke up.

    He is still your friend so you have to treat it delicately. He will eventually get over it (probably when he finds a new girl) just so long as it's not rubbed in his face. Not assuming that you would though, but any info about you and her may make him feel like you are.

    Now as a PUA I see a golden egg here. I see this wild card that you have that can possibly get her chasing the shit out of you and increase attractiong tenfold. And that's exposing the "Forbidden Fruit" card.

    Use your best judgement on this. I believe that if you tell her that you would like to date her, but you are worried about your friend, this could create mounds of attraction.

    She could respond in generally two ways.

    A. Yes I understand. You're right and we should give it time...

    B. I don't think you should let that factor whether we should see each other...

    Either way this could create tons of attraction because then it makes you a challenge and everyone likes forbidden fruit. Then you just continue to escalate with her and every now and then throw in a "We shouldn't be doing this" kind of thing just to sweeten things up. Hope this helps and good luck.

  5. #5
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    if your even thinking of your mates ex then he isnt a mate. you have no loyalty to him by the sounds of it. would you really risk a life friendship to a woman breaks hearts.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  6. #6
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrone1991 View Post
    if your even thinking of your mates ex then he isnt a mate. you have no loyalty to him by the sounds of it. would you really risk a life friendship to a woman breaks hearts.
    I agree with what you are saying. Funny how things are not so much about right or wrong, but who has a stronger frame.

    He could easily say that his friend wouldn't be a true friend to allow his feelings for a woman to come between their friendship because of a short fling he had with a woman that wasn't even really into him.

    You can pretty much say anything as long as you have conviction.

    May the stronger frame win lol.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    hence the old expression, bro's before hoes. mate i've always lived for the boys, my loyalty to them is pure and theres for me, plus we all pick up together so why savatage a wing man when he is your foundation like your his. You cant say he is not your wing man if you known each other for that long and deal with women together. Dont mess witht the structuural strength or you both fall and are left with nothing.

    My advice, start gaming all her friends, let her know she cant break your mates heart. she is proublem, a drama starter, she wants 2 boys to fight over her, when she said she broke up because of you, you say we could never be together because of her (another girl). ha. I hate women like this. They also start rumors
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  8. #8
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    Yeah, I've got some sh*t to say on this.

    This friend is like a brother to me, he's been there for me since third grade.

    Is he? Is he really? Third grade and you're willing to kick him while he's down?

    Flipside: But the truth is that most friendships--and most relationships--have expiration dates. People come and go in and out of your life as the fates (or random chance) so choose(s). We grow, and sometimes we outgrow each other. There's nothing wrong with that. Accepting it will make life much easier on you. So sometimes we outgrow our bestfriends (or girlfriends) and reach an understanding to go our separate ways. This is what Neil is talking about when he says one of the two rules: Leave her better than when you met her.

    This girl could be The One. Watching them go out was a new form of torture. I've missed out on girls before but this was something new.

    No. With the utmost respect, you're an infatuated idiot. It was torture because instead of being happy for your buddy as you should, you instead wanted to possess her. You limited your thoughts, and that's on you.




    I have been your buddy FIVE times in my life. I got into The Game after #3. If you talked to them, FOUR of them would say I'm a worthless piece of sh*t and that they didn't care about how I felt when they did what they did. Those four are the ones who accepted it as a time for us to grow apart, weighing the consequences and choosing the girl over their best friend. Only one out of those four is still with the girl. I hope it was worth it.

    ONE of those guys wakes up every day regretting what he did. I know this because he told me. I didn't ruin his life; he dug his own grave and he knows that. He asked my forgiveness and I told him to go f*ck himself. Jesus has unconditional love, not me.

    Dudes before chicks? No, of course not. I'd knock a dude out if he ever laid a finger on one of my friends (girls) without her wanting it.

    Bros before hoes? Yes, every time.

    If you're one of the five, I wouldn't think twice about throwing you in front of a truck. But if you aren't, and you really are a true and loyal friend, I'd take a bullet for you.

    You did the right thing talking to your buddy about it (which is more than some of those guys can say), but he made it clear that you can't have both. Which is worth it? Your buddy from third grade? Or this girl you've known for five months?




    Oh, and all five of those guys envy me now.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  9. #9
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    My vote goes to Cody for having the stronger frame. Great response man.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Buddy's Ex

    seriously cody is spot on, i have gone through life with hundreds of mates, most of them i have no love for no more, i have a group of 3 close mates and about 8 who still are quite selfish to pick up, 2 of the 3 close ones, are at the exact same level as me in every state of lifestyle. We all have the same ambitions and all are social gamers so we are tight ashell, we are all the kind of guys who would rather see the other two hook up before they did and thats why the bond and foundation between us works so well, we have our own groups of girls and have a mixed group.

    This took me 21 years to develop this kind of friendship and i will never let a chick get between it.
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.


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