Sorry in advance for the length of this:
A little background on me before I start, late 20s, average to good looks, went to an all boys school had no sisters and very little contact with girls in my teens (meaning being around women is not natural).
Worse still for the past 5 years I've suffered from chronic depression, which I'm treating, it is a chemical imbalance, sporadic and without cause, but when it happens to me the feeling is awful and it starts to affect my thoughts, it basically knocks me out and I have to lie down somewhere and just not think for several hours, this is a killer if I'm around women I literally have to run away.
I am introverted and confident (when not affected by my illness), meaning I fit the archetype of strong and silent (which has been mentioned to me several times before). I also like to hunt solo / lone wolf don't believe in all the alpha bullsh1t, I am not chatty, ultimately if you can be yourself that is enough you can forget about the alpha stuff (depression affects this very badly however).
Despite my illness, I'm involved in business I take tough decisions weekly that are much bigger than the whims of women which I have little time for, albeit due to this I'm lacking in that department at the moment it must be said, even though I've had varying success with hot girls in the past.
The odds are quite against me at the moment as often I'll go out and have to go straight back home to rest, sometimes when I've just got on the tube to go to a club, at work I confine myself to paper work or office work during these depressive episodes. If I'm with a girl trying to relax and I have an episode it is a terrible ordeal as it conjures all sorts of negative delusions.
So now to the point:
-Decided to start going out despite my illness, I just treat is as a time to try to relax and experiment.
-So met a girl in a club 6 months ago, hot. She wanted my number, ok. I was having a depressive bout and also had to be up at 5 o'clock that day (due to business), I shouldn't have really gone out, so I couldn't take her to the next club. We kissed/pecked quickly and parted. She texted me "thanks was really nice to meet you" or something like that.
-I kick myself in my head for going out when depressed and not going further with her taking her home. Thought I may be able to rescue something if I texted on a Sunday, she texted back but then stopped so I stopped immediately, it died obviously. I did have a feeling however that we'd meet again somehow.
-6 months later, I get some random text messages from her (I had by now deleted her number), we then started texting for a week with me initially giving chase and decided to meet up, I don't like texting but she doesn't like talking over the phone, Ok. We met on a weekday as I was away for the weekend, went together to some bars and clubs. It transpires that she texted me by mistake! Anyway we were quite intimate but I noticed she was talking a lot about trouble with her long term relationship, men treating her badly and also how much I'd like one of her friends, she told me she was speaking to me like one of her girlfriends! I was very neutral / not responding about this. Only thing I had on my mind was how to get my hands on her!
-Anyway we both decide to call it a night and catch the tube before it closes, so we're about to part, she's chatting rubbish about her friend again, how much I'd like her, I thought "fark this" pulled her close and told her coolly "I don't think I'm at all interested in your friend" we then started passionately kissing.
-After that we parted our ways we both had work the next day and I was staying with a friend at the time (so couldn't take her back), she said she'd text me, told me how wonderful it was when we kissed.
-When she said she'd text that was an understatement, she sent me quite a few texts with photos of herself in bikinis etc. hot.
-She was going on holiday to some sunspot island, and she invited me several times to come. I genuinely couldn't due to work, so we organised a date to an event after she came back, she mentioned the event to me like 4-5 times verbally and in texts.
-So after she gets back she sends me a couple of photos, and then goes all cold, I text, cold, a reply in a couple of days. Text about meeting her for that event she says "let me think X" then goes cold, then silence.
-I had already bought tickets half price for club event for the both of us, so I thought "fark it" may as well see what its about and as I have a ticket may meet someone else there as she is clearly messing around.
-I go to the club, after spending 2 hours there to my genuine surprise she turns up with a guy considerably older than me, I presume her long term "bad" guy. We meet she embraces me I tell her what a "naughty girl she is" she laughs but then literally panics and tries to introduce me to her friends etc. I ask her why she "didn't just tell me?". She doesn't seem to get I'm not pissed off about her seeing another guy, I am pissed off about the hot, then cold and then silent treatment. She scarpers telling me she'll come back in a couple of minutes, she doesn't.
(It must be said I'm not looking for a serious relationship just something intimate and relaxed, she can have a long term boyfriend so long as I don't have to meet him. My job is quite intense I'm not sure I can do a girlfriend type setup. Back to the story)
-I was actually leaving the club when she arrived, so I approached her before leaving, she asked her long term to get her a drink. I wasn't angry but quite cool I said "why didn't you just say?" I was aware that her long term was looking at me from the side of the bar so was sure to make sure it looked neutral. With her back to him her face looked really distraught and pleading as if she'd done something really terrible and said "I can't talk about this now" she kind of had her arm on my arm I said "you don't have to explain, I'm about to clear off anyhow", I was really very calm and she started saying "ok just be calm, breathe" really I think she was talking more about herself. There was some other small chat in between then long term came back and I went my way.
Not pissed off about anything except for girls not having the common courtesy just to say "Hey, I promised I'd go to that night with someone else, can we meet another time?". At least then I'd have the option of not going or if she wants to cut it at least then I can get the picture.
I haven't contacted her since and neither has she me that was Friday. Personally at this point I would drop the thought of her altogether (although I'd be lying if I said didn't like her somewhat).
I had several negative thoughts after this event and felt fairly foolish but then considering my circumstances I can't see what I could've done better except for texting a little less after she came back from the holiday but I think the dye was already cast. I had a depressive bout on the night I first met her which is where I should have really kicked it off with her.
Question is really whether or not this is salvageable? Can't explain why but feel I will meet her again in the future and it would be nice to set the record straight i.e. I'm not after anything serious. Not texting her is what the man inside me says, but on the other hand I also deserve an explanation for the hot, then cold then silent treatment so maybe I should text her and give chase.