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  1. #1
    Stineman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Unhappy *URGENT* Need help with bar girl, very close, ex boyfriend back in picture

    Hey everyone,

    So the title is pretty self-explanatory. I'm 22, she's 25. I need to know what my next course of action should be, and I have some ideas but want to ask someone who might've been in this situation before. Let me give you guys the down-low from my perspective, sorry this story is so long;

    So I met this girl about a week ago. I'm pretty good with going out to the bar and getting girls and was doing my usual thing and dancing when I found this girl who we'll call Jen (obv not her real name). I found Jen on the dance floor, dancing near me, as pretty as can be. I actually just stopped dancing with the girl I was with and started dorking around with Jen as soon as I saw her. Soon we were all over each other. Her brothers were there and wanted her to leave so I walked her out and to the next bar they went to where we stood outside talking about things for about an hour until that bar closed down and they were going to leave the town we were in. I asked her for her number and said that I didn't want to keep making out with her so that I wouldn't creep her out too much to see her sometime soon. She said she was going back out of town on Sunday so tomorrow was the only day she had the time to see me.

    We hung out that night and ended up spontaneously on a double date with one of my friends. His date didn't work out so we ended up back at my place and she slept over. We hung out the next day too. On monday we took a break, then we hung out all day tuesday. On Tuesday night she acted very oddly for a brief minute, saying she had no idea what she was doing because her heart had recently been broken and I was so young. She didn't want to go into any more detail and we sat in her car where she almost just drove off, but we were talking until I got her to stay for a little and go for a walk and we hung out until 4 in the morning. Then she went back to her 'home' on Wednesday.

    We talked each day on the phone and made plans to hang out soon, where we've been talking about things like travelling the world, watching a bunch of movies and showing each other the things we like in life, and having a bunch of great experiences. She seemed so real when she texted me saying how much she misses me and all of that great stuff and it really seemed like it was a great situation. We were to hang out next Tuesday.

    Then the next Saturday rolled around and she went to a party that I was supposed to go to at her home town to meet her friends but it was 'sold out.' She didn't text me like she normally did and I thought something was up but kept my composure and kept it to myself. We talked on Sunday and agreed to meet up on Monday since my schedule changed.

    On Monday we had another great night, just the two of us, and we planned to go to the beach the next weekend and hang out Tuesday as well, all day after a business meeting I had. I asked her to be my girlfriend because we obviously like each other and she said it would be unfair because she wanted to get over the guy she used to like before jumping into something else. We ended up just normally hanging out and it was a good night...

    Until I texted her telling her I made it back safely and she texted me saying that I'll never believe it and she's sorry but this guy that broke her heart just asked her out and she said yes because she didn't want him to change his mind. It became facebook official the next morning. I didn't know what to say and after discussing it all with her for a little and her crying on the phone we said bye.

    The next day I was in her town again so I asked to meet up with her. when I saw her I said that I know that she's making the wrong decision but there's nothing I can do and that while the door may not always be wide open there's always the possibility of knocking. What was supposed to be a 5 minute conversation turned into us hanging out all day and acting like we were dating, minus the kissing (on the lips, we kissed each other everywhere else). At lunch we started talking about being together and I made some jokes until she said 'give me your best sales pitch' regarding us dating. I told her some sweet things and jokingly said for her to let me think about it because I felt uncomfortable going all out and didn't want to offend her and her new bf. I did some push-pull stuff like being super sweet to her like I normally am, turning her on and pressing her buttons in all the ways I normally do like saying "you don't deserve this right now" right after I had said something sweet or kissed her on her forehead. She even tried to kiss me on the lips and I didn't let her - which I think was a good idea? She even agreed when I said a couple things along the lines of saying we'd be better off together than her current situation.

    At the end we said bye at the train as I was leaving and we were both pretty sad, and she said in a back-door kind of way, "I might need to re-evaluate my decision." I asked her to confirm that jokingly, and she said that rethinking her situation is exactly what she meant, and it made me feel hopeful.

    So what should I do? We're obviously pretty close and this is essentially an ex coming back to her. I'm thinking about her a lot but know that smothering her would make me seem weak and unattractive and she needs the space and non-contact to miss me. She likes when I'm sweet to her, and also when I'm a little 'alpha' to her too so I strike an easy balance in terms of our relationship. I don't know if it's a lost cause or not, but I was thinking about asking to see her on Friday, maybe doing the same thing that just happened, but being more confident in my assertions on us dating. Any help would be SO APPRECIATED GUYS.

  2. #2
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: *URGENT* Need help with bar girl, very close, ex boyfriend back in pict

    Hey bud,

    Damn bro, you don't ask a girl to be your GF. Or if she likes you. If she's hanging out with you always ASSUME she is attracted and go from there. You say you didn't kiss on the lips, but you did everywhere else?? does that mean her body?? Vagina?? etc..?? probably not I'm thinking you just met cheeks, forehead etc...

    I still think she likes you, and showed that by hanging out all day. THe only thing you needed to do differently is, try and kiss her. kino her and get sexual after your first 2-3 dates...

    But I think she's into you bro... Just don't smother her, and see what happens.. Good luck

  3. #3
    PuppetMaster is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: *URGENT* Need help with bar girl, very close, ex boyfriend back in pict

    I agree with Inter regarding asking her to be your gf. I also do think she is into you. Your best bet would be to give a little NC for a while, and let whatever relationship problems/defects that her boyfriend plagued her with resurface and pester her like an itch. (Even if her boyfriend is committed to fixing whatever led to their break up, she will still find extra reason to overanalyze his every move, because she has been given a taste of something newer and more exciting; you) If you maintain yourself and ignore her for a little, she will come to you.


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