Here's the basic situation:
Found an HB8 on OKcupid...
Met her in central park... brought a pint of good ol Jack Daniels... She was hesitant to drink, even though drinking was implied prior to the date. I started getting significantly drunk.. she had a few tiny swigs and was probably hardly even buzzed. Eventually... I came across her first shiRt test ... she started telling me about the last OKcupid dates she went on and how she had to tell each respective boy that she was NOT going to kiss them... I was slightly insecure (in my head, of course, not visibly) and took this as her saying "I am not going to kiss you." She even went on to tell me about how the last guys who tried to kiss her apologized after their failed attempts..
I laughed and mocked them and their apologetic natures... and eventually spun the situation around on her by saying something to the extent of.
"Look, I had a nice time here, but you seem rather difficult, kind of like an emotional/sexual brick wall... I think I am going to leave."
I could immediately see her emotional state turn around.. she was shocked... as if nobody has ever tried to leave her before... she got noticeably flustered and then i said..
"wow... you do like of look like you're taking this news hard. I wonder if I should reconsider... well.. there's only one way to find out"
Then I moved in for a kiss... she was mildly hesitant but eventually obliged. We made out for a little, she was an awkward kisser and I couldn't tell if she was just not that into me or if her lack of sexual experience (which she did elaborate on) made her a bad kisser in general.
She abruptly stopped the make out sesh and proceeded to "wah wah wah we're in public" which was true... we were in the middle of a field in central park flooded with kids... I ended up following her back to her place (with out asking permission...) I just kept making excuses at each step of the journey...
i.e. when she got on the train I just told her
"I am just going to take this train deep into the night and see where it takes me"
then we got to her stop
"Well.. i'm already here... might as well walk you to the door"
Then at her door
"God.. I am really thirsty.. just let me come have a quick drink of water"
I went in we made out some more.. she still seemed weird about it.. or maybe it's in my head.. and I started fingering her (if this qualifies as adult content please give me a warning... don't ban me) for a little bit... she started to forget about logic and live in the moment and enjoy... then all of sudden she abruptly stopped and kicked me out with plans to hang out the next saturday ... she said she would let me sleepover then.
I do very little contact for the week leading up to Saturday... and finally she tries to flake on me... through various text tactics I made her unflake...
Date two rolls around and she seems very disconnected at the start of the date... she tells me she had made some rules for the night... I have to leave by 1AM (contradiction to her sleepover promise) and I am not allowed to get belligerently drunk again.
This immediately puts me in a noticeably frustrated mood, but I quickly recover and work my way into this stage where i decided i just didn't care anymore.. and I started to lightly making fun of her for her lifestyle and being such a tightwad with all of her rules.. it got kind of relentless.. then I remembered how threatening to leave the last time worked for me.. so i tried to implement it again.
"Look, you really are just difficult.. I think I am going to go"
Then it got quiet as we were heading back towards the subway (which is literally an inch from her doorstep)... dead silence...
Then I just grabbed her hand and followed her into her place...
I convinced her to poor a cup of her room mates delicious whiskey and mix it with some yummy organic lemonade... we ended up getting a nice buzz going...
Long story short.. we started to watch a movie.... we made out... I fingered her a little more... she REALLY got lost in the moment... but for some reason... I decided to abruptly stop... I guess to see her reaction... this was my fatal mistake... she zipped up her absurdly fast. Then I joked she is like fort knox...
Anyways... eventually... I got too drunk... and sloppy... and my consequent insecurity led me to believe that she was not really into me... rather than just wanting to take it slow... which in retrospect makes a lot of sense.... So I actually said something like "well.. this has been fun... see ya..." then left .... then realized I left my headphones.... and called her while I was in her stairwell .... when she met me in the stairwell she kind of looked like she wanted to reconcile but I grabbed by headphones and just said "bye" and left really fast with out looking back.
I don't know... I am just venting...
Will a girl kiss you/ let your hands wander down her pants if they aren't really THAT into you?
Have you ever kissed a girl and felt like they just aren't that into you?
Am I being too impatient?
How should I deal with this situation? It's been three days of NC so far.
Did I ruin my chances with the way I chose to leave?
HELP ME.. IF I JUST TYPED THIS WHOLE THING FOR NOTHING I WILL BE VERY SAD