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  • 1 Post By Jok3r
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Thread: Wait or act

  1. #1
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Wait or act

    Hello everyone

    I'd like to ask for a piece of advice.

    Simplified version:

    I kissed a friend of a lady I've been dating, she's now mad at me. Should I go to her place (she gave me her address), be bold, say I want her and ask her out; or should I do what I plan to: don't talk to her and move on, if she wants to see me she'll do the effort (i'll most likely see her in a week). I don't see apologizing as an option, I've shown I like her.

    ____________________ ____________________ _______________
    Full story:

    I dated a lady (I call girls ladies, just a warning, I'm the real deal in gentleman-like behaviour) in June or so. We met by early June, had sex on the first time we saw and then after a couple of weeks of her chasing me we went on a date. It went great, we kissed in the end nothing else happened cause I had a business trip the next day.

    So we kept in touch and we were hitting it on. We pretty much clicked and we stayed in touch for a month.

    I got back home we tried to see each other but it never happened. I had another lady-friend (she has been a friend so I'll call her like this) that had signs of liking me quite a lot. They both know each other and are pretty close to one another. While I couldn't see the lady I was dating I saw her friend, with nothing intended other than just catch-up and get some extra points with the one I was dating. No kiss in the end, just a fun "date".

    A few hours after I went to a friend's place and my "lady-friend" was there (lets call her 'Josephine' cause it's a short name and it makes this funnier). She was far too flirty and for some reason I let myself go. We made out and we were about to have sex if it wasn't for my mate being there in the living room with us.

    I knew this would be trouble eventually. Played it cool and last tuesday I noticed "my lady" (lets call this one 'Albertine') was acting a bit weird (less kisses after texts and shorter sentences). After one of this texts I just stopped replying.

    One day after a friend of mine told me she was upset with me and she told him I was picking between her and Josephine.

    To be honest I've done enough to prove her I am interested (believe me) in her, not in Josephine. So this behaviour annoys me quite a bit, even though I'm aware that kissing her friend was wrong and I regret that. I'm far too impulsive some times but we weren't in a relationship at all.

    So my question is simple: I haven't spoken with Albertine since last Tuesday (over a week now) and still have her text "on hold". I think apologizing is out of question because it just shows weakness and tbf I did nothing that I can apologize for. I'm a big fan of "actions speak for themselves". Sending her flowers would be a sign of weakness from my view.

    It leads to two options:
    - Go to her place (she gave me her address once) and be bold, say I'm interested and ask her out ("force her out" haha) - I ask your opinion on how long should I wait to do this (if I should do it) as I'm most likely going to see her in a week or so; ALPHA behaviour

    - do what I'm thinking of doing: don't say anything, move on and whatever happens happens.

    I do like her, we have close personalities and she is beautiful. I would love to date her and who knows what else.

    But I've learnt that there are far greater problems in life so I can give up on her like that. I just like to be sure that I do everything I can to get what I want.

    Regards,
    Jok3r

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    If you're going to play the field, you have to be upfront with her at the very beginning, otherwise girls make assumptions about where you're at and they get hurt when those assumptions are broken
    (see post for related info on mltr, http://www.puaforums.com/dating-advi...exclusive.html)

    I don't usually advocate this, but if you want her back, you should be the one to apologize. She liked you and made certain assumptions. yes her fault for presuming things were considered exclusive, but she's a girl and that's what they do so it's up to you to clarify if anything needs to be explained up front.

    It really depends what you want out of everything. If you don't want her, ignore it and move on to the next one. If you want to date but nothing serious, go apologize for any misconceptions and tell her where you'd like to go.
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Quote Originally Posted by The Red Baron View Post
    I don't usually advocate this, but if you want her back, you should be the one to apologize.
    Correct me if I'm wrong here. Here's what I think:

    If anyone (either a gent or a lady) behaves like he/she has been seriously hurt/heartbroken without even being in a relationship with the person that hurt him/her that just shows lack of self-confidence and complete mistrust on the opposite sex.

    Me apologizing would show a lack of self-confidence (admitting an action of mine was wrong) more than a gentleman-like behaviour. So a lady that has self-confidence issues will never be attracted towards someone that has uncertainties on his actions.

    I assume that a better attitude to this would be ignoring the situation and by next week when I see her just be bold. Approach her, grab her by her hand and act with dominance and willpower: "For as upset as you may be with my actions I can prove you wrong. I'm really impulsive, just like a child I try and reach what I want (grab her hand). And I don't give up! But I act like a gentleman. I look at you in the eyes (compliment here) and I ask for the pleasure of your company. Then I look at your lips searching for a reply. I hear no answer so I move closer (escalate to kiss)". Something like this might work. After a few drinks I'm pretty sure that a simple "I'm attracted to you and you're attracted to me, so this is bound to happen" and then kiss would do for an opening.

    Summing up, being upfront would most likely work better with her than acting all gentleman-like. Again, correct me if I'm wrong

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Your strategy works fine if you only want a F buddy. If that's the case, go with it, there's nothing wrong with that anyway. (also works if you just want to use her but a pickup artist doesn't lie or use girls)

    If you want more, then talk to her. It's not AFC to apologize. And you don't have to crawl back on your knees. "look I understand what bothered you and I acknowledge I shoulda been a bit clearer about what I was looking for". Simple enough, you maintain the frame and still respect her feelings

    Maybe I misread what you want when you say you were genuinely interested in her
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  5. #5
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    I think you should do a hybrid maneuver ... wait a week.. do your big surprise entrance at her place... then do the whole "I acknowledge that I should have been more clear with you etc etc." schtick. Then insert your little "this was bound to happen" tactic.

  6. #6
    PuppetMaster is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Then from there you can discuss the possibility of anything serious if that's what you seek.

  7. #7
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Quote Originally Posted by The Red Baron View Post
    Maybe I misread what you want when you say you were genuinely interested in her
    No you did not. I genuinely like her. I also know she has a huge level of distrust in men. So an apology would make me look like another man with flaws. You know: the kind of guy that will always end up farking up and cheating, can't have his mind clear and keep his posture, so just another man...

    I can't "feed" her insecurities. I have to show that I'm different. More than saying "sorry, I'm a d1ck", wouldn't it work better just saying "I want you, I am attracted to you physically then upon our date I got attracted to your personality. I didn't behave properly and I won't find an excuse for it (apology followed by boldness). *Grab her hand and say* So I want the pleasure of your company and I'm taking you out tonight as soon as you get ready. May I have that honour? I'm really thirsty and I need a drink. You need one as well, I know that."? The worst thing that could happen would be rejection. But as an outcome, instead of being just the guy that apologized and put her on a pedestal, I'd make an impact on her life as the guy that made the effort of going to hers and be upfront enough to be impulsive and "force" her on a date.

    What actually prevents me from doing this is just (this is paradoxical) that while being this bold is alpha it can also end up being seen as creepy. Not that I care much, the problem is that I still need to realise if she's worth such an effort.

    As I said I haven't spoken with her for almost 2 weeks. I'll be away for the weekend so I may just pop at hers Monday after thinking this through. Thoughts/comments?
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  8. #8
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Actually if this happens it's most likely bound to be tomorrow. Because I'm getting the train tomorrow near her place so I have that excuse. Monday might be tricky has she has work so I may pop over and she's not there. I don't enjoy wasting time
    Veni, vidi, vici.

  9. #9
    Jok3r is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Wait or act

    Quick update

    I have a busy life (preparing for a couple of competitions, travelling today...) and I just can't be bothered to go for the effort of popping at this lady's place just to get a date. I have plenty of people interested in me.

    I have genuinely shown interest in her and I'll gladly continue with dating as soon as the appropriate time arrives. At the moment my conscience doesn't allow me to have the nerve of asking her out after playing around with her friend.

    So I did what I think I should've done. Called her friend (and my friend for over a year) and apologized for going against my values of trust and kissing her while being interested on her friend. I made sure I was clear that I was not apologizing for the kiss, but for the timing as I don't play with the feelings of people that I value in my life.

    Lets have fun now, meet more people and whatever happens happens. Much appreciated for the help on this topic. I'll provide updates on this situation
    Veni, vidi, vici.


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