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Thread: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

  1. #1
    KJensen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Hi guys. I really need some help here.

    I live in a small town (20,000 ppl) where everybody knows each other. During all my life I was that fat nerdy/ugly kid who was into computers and games so I never had any experience with girls.
    About 3 years ago I started reading some PUA stuff so I decided to lose some weight, dress more properly and try to become more interesting, so I grabbed some friends and start going at weekends to a near bigger town to pick up girls, but unfortunately I didnt had much success. I guess the looks, the fact that I am already bald and I am not interesting enough (at least for the sophisticated "big city" girls) played against me.

    Nowadays I feel very depressed, because all of my friends are getting married and start having babies, so they do not have more time to spend with me because their priorities changed. Everybody in town makes jokes about me, and my family thinks that I am gay or I might have some problem because I'm the only one who cant get a girlfriend. Years are passing by and nothing happens for me.

    Living in a small town, you dont have many options, and where you are young, girls date many guys so you have good chances, but when girls start to marry with guys that you know and start building a family, then you cant do anything..

    Does anyone have experienced this kind of situation? I am completely lost and I dont know what to do...maybe leave town and going to a big city to start a new life before it gets too late...

    Help please

  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Have you read the game?

    Style went through the same transformation. Not the small town bit mind you, but he was early 30s I think and complete AFC

    If you need to game alone, then game alone - but you're not going to improve if you only go out every few weeks and don't seriously evaluate where you need to improve

    If you're not approaching, start there. If you're approaching but not hooking sets, work on that, etc

    I used to be a heavyset nerd too, until into college when I finally lost a lot of weight and broke out of my shell

    Now I'm 27 and watched most of my closes friends get married. Its what happens, doesn't mean they're all taken, and it doesn't mean your perfect match is gone - she's not, cuz I know I'll find mine some day too

    Search the posts for other artists in your area, or put a post out asking if you can't find one. Just being with someone equally committed to the game can help you focus.

    Also join meetup . com and search for pua groups there, or other singles or even just activity groups to join. Also venture out to other bars and venues you're not used to. You can't tell me there aren't any places to game within a 30 minut drive - just explore

    Youve acknowledged you're an AFC and you want to fix it, you took the first step. The rest depends upon how hard you're willing to work at it, and that's all up to you
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    It's not too late for you yet, mate. Browse these forums. Start with the newbie guide. Get your appearance fixed, but more importantly - get your inner game fixed. The guys on here will teach you how if you explain where the insecurities come from. Also, stop calling yourself the biggest AFC in the world. It's not helping you and the regulars on these forums have seen worse, trust me.

  4. #4
    peel is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Dude I am a huge AFC maybe bigger than you. But the depression and realization hit probably towards the middle of high school. I am finishing college soon with a huge depression that makes me unable to sleep at night. Its gotten really bad but for some reason I keep holding on to the value of life. I have to remind myself everyday of how fortunate I am. but Im trying to get better. I have made some advances that are small. very small. but Im proud of them. I have been rejected as a friend by someone just today. but its ok. I keep reminding myself im willing to go through as many rejections and embarrassment as it takes to get to something that will make me happier. I am 'semi-young' but the truth is I have been made fun of my whole life and no one has bothered to approach me so I have few friends. being young does not guarantee girls as you should know. I have started coming out of my shell and willing to take the embarrassment of rejection. you should try too. we can help eachother

  5. #5
    juliusk is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Peel, I hope you are still reading this, because I especially signed up to send you this one message:

    go see a therapist

    In your situation a good therapist is the best present you can give yourself. Judging from your posts you need to work out some serious issues and not focus on becoming a pickup artist at the moment, because the odds of you succeeding at the moment are small and the odds that you will fail and feel worse are pretty big. PUA stuff will come later. You are just 30. I am 32 and I am dating women too. It's possible and you are not too old ( not at all ).

    You obviously feel bad about yourself and you will convey that to the women you'll talk to. So I wouldn't do that yet. You should get your deepest feelings about the world and yourself and your youth and your parents sorted out first. I can tell from your posts that you are in quite a bit of pain and I can relate to that directly, because I have gone through some big depressions too and although it is still tough sometimes, therapy has helped me a lot and I am managing at the moment (I am even dating tomorrow if she texts back )

    Second advice: if you do go on with your plan of dating women (now or later), don't take the pickup community TOO seriously. There are a lot of people here trying to improve their game, some are succeeding, others are not and that's fine. But don't make the mistake of thinking that everyone on these forums is a pickup artist or is even succeeding at having a normal conversation with a woman. It is HARD to overcome social boundaries for everyone and it is hard to take rejection (which is inevitable when learning to get better with women). And rejection may be especially hard for you, since you have probably felt rejected often.


    Now, one final word of advice on seeking a therapist. I did 'Intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy' according to Davanloo's method. This is a relatively short (I think max 2 years) form of therapy that diggs very deeply into the anger and sorrow that are causing your depressions. It worked quite well for me. I haven't had a depression since I stopped therapy and I DID brake up with my girlfriend, which is a big trigger for my depressions.

    Ok, the real, final word of advice: a lot of people on PUA forums will tell you to work on your "inner game". These suggestions are well-meant and what they are trying to say is "work on your self image", which is good. In your case, I wouldn't go and try this by yourself, because with a history of depression and being teased in your youth you will be better of with the help of a good therapist. On the other hand, you could see therapy as the most extreme form of working on your inner game, so if you see it from that perspective you are still working on becoming a PUA.

    I wish you all the best, brother. Don't lose hope. There is a better world to be won and it is not too late, AT ALL

    Cheers!

    R

  6. #6
    pReventiveiNcentive is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    You guys just need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I am 21 years old and have the hearing of an 80 year old. I have to get up every morning and put in hearing aids to make my hearing just barely subpar. But this is not a sob story. When I go out I have more confidence and feel good than just about anyone I meet. I tell myself that I am just lucky to get up out of bed. Don't let simple things bring you down. Set out to change the things that you can, and embrace those things you can't.

    I was down and depressed when I first began to lose my hearing, but I learned after months of doing nothing but sitting around, getting fat and playing video games, that NOBODY IS GOING TO HELP YOU EXCEPT YOU!!!

    The point I am trying to make here, is that there are many things in life that you can change. You CAN lose weight and you CAN change your style and you CAN develop great social skills. The more you sit around and pity yourself, and the more you continue beating yourself, the longer you will stay depressed.

    Get out there and make a change. You have to start somewhere. Take baby steps and change 1 thing per day. Trust me if you put faith and confidence in yourself, people(especially women) will notice.

    Sorry for the long post and I hope this helps,
    PI

  7. #7
    Virgil's Avatar
    Virgil is offline Moderator / PUA All Star
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Quote Originally Posted by pReventiveiNcentive View Post
    NOBODY IS GOING TO HELP YOU EXCEPT YOU!!!
    Everyone should live by this rule. If you drown in your own unhappiness, the people around you WILL continue on with their lives. If you're lucky, one or two might try to help, but you will have to do it all by yourself. They cannot pick you up, only you can.

  8. #8
    Dj Chill is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    Quote Originally Posted by KJensen View Post
    Hi guys. I really need some help here.

    I live in a small town (20,000 ppl) where everybody knows each other. During all my life I was that fat nerdy/ugly kid who was into computers and games so I never had any experience with girls.
    About 3 years ago I started reading some PUA stuff so I decided to lose some weight, dress more properly and try to become more interesting, so I grabbed some friends and start going at weekends to a near bigger town to pick up girls, but unfortunately I didnt had much success. I guess the looks, the fact that I am already bald and I am not interesting enough (at least for the sophisticated "big city" girls) played against me.

    Nowadays I feel very depressed, because all of my friends are getting married and start having babies, so they do not have more time to spend with me because their priorities changed. Everybody in town makes jokes about me, and my family thinks that I am gay or I might have some problem because I'm the only one who cant get a girlfriend. Years are passing by and nothing happens for me.

    Living in a small town, you dont have many options, and where you are young, girls date many guys so you have good chances, but when girls start to marry with guys that you know and start building a family, then you cant do anything..

    Does anyone have experienced this kind of situation? I am completely lost and I dont know what to do...maybe leave town and going to a big city to start a new life before it gets too late...

    Help please
    I believe there are always chances and opprotunities, you may just need to discover them. People say that about my city, and you know what I do, I actually encourage their negativity towards my city, Go ahead and "write it off" leaves more opprotunities and fun for me

    Stuff like that is happening around me as well, guys are settling down, people move around a lot(especially with the economy), ive lost my main circle and have been sort of rambo-ing it going solo. I am slowly rebuilding a group though. Guys have been getting married, or even divorced or separated(by now). Just have to adapt....theres always an opening to make things happen, you just have to establish what all can be done in your environment.

    There was some old bitch that was joking about me and my best friend, trying to insuinate were homo. Well if you dig down to the facts, this dumb bitch was married over 6 times...and her partner in crime who was trying to rip on us was divorced twice as well and currently in a almost 7 year engagement where the guy still hasnt committed to her. Crazy ass farking bithches trying to act like they are professionals in the business when they are nothing but cheap attractions to live off of their retirement money(married multiple times cause her husbands all died, coincidence???) Overally they were jealous of our friendship cause they were old and tarnished and didnt have any good solid friends that would have their back thru thick and thin, dont blame your old depressive lifestyle and try to flip it on someone younger who has their whole life ahead of them with opprotunities.

    So fark them, dont be getting into my/our business when you have enough troubles of your own in the same god damn department. I just let it go in one ear and out another and never confronted them on how they shouldnt be pushing into my business. I got more important things to concern myself with then what one cheap excuse of a human individual has to say about me....they can kiss my ass all day..ill even wash it and prep it for them

  9. #9
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: 30 years old: Biggest AFC of entire world

    hey peel, it is more i have to agree that therapy is a valid option, most colleges offer "free" counseling (its included in everyones tuition bill rather they take advantage of it or not) your not the only one who came to college with very few friends, all my high school friends either went to the work force or the military, i joined a frat so i could meet some friends, also i joined a counseling group that meets weekly, turns out it was easey to make friends with the people in the counseling group because they were dealing with that exact same problem, now as a result of those two ventures i have at least 12 friends i can hang out with all the time. also try befriending some of the guys who sit near you in class. you can easily start a convo about the class or proffesor or even about coffea (if they drink it in class) making friends in college was easier than i had anticipated, you just have to get out there and get involved


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