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Thread: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

  1. #1
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    I have been friendzoned by someone that I dated or messed around with off and on for three years. recently she and I were trying our hand at starting to date but she finally told me that she had hooked up with someone else and got an std behind my back, and that also she had been pretending and didn't have those feelings. I am stuck living with her due to some circumstances and can't change that. after that whole honesty thing I am wanting to ditch the friendzone and fake pseudo-relationship thing and make an attempt to get out of the friendzone. the current situation is this.

    1. she understands I am not going to do anything that costs money for her.

    2. still wants to cuddle and say I love you when she also says she doesn't love me.

    3. I have worn out clothes, a messy room and car, smoke, & am out of shape. also don't take care of proper grooming/hygiene.

    4. I have been whiny and insistent about things, and overly emotional about what she did.

    I feel like I need to fix my hygiene, appearance, clothes, room/car. also think the whole cuddling/i love you thing is a bad idea because it lets her still use me for emotional support. I feel like I should stop it, but not sure how to say it without sounding like a d1ck.

    Bascially I feel like I need to fix my stuff, freeze her out without making her hostile, and go try to hook up with someone else to lesson my feelings for her. I will either find someone better or will get out of the friendzone with her. a win/win in my opinion.

    looking for constructive thoughts/advice on getting out of the friendzone, bearing in mind what I have said.Specific questions.

    1. How do I keep from caving in when she wants emotional or cuddly things

    2. how do i cope with if/when she hooks up with someone else while I am getting myself situated.

    3. how do I tell her I don't want to do the cuddly i love you thing or keep her away without sounding like a d1ck?

  2. #2
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    Any help with my plan or a referral to a guide would be extremely appreciated.

  3. #3
    Mind Tricks is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    I just want to ask a few questions first, have you been a relationship before?
    Was she your first girl friend ever?
    So the best thing you need right now is distance cuz this girl is like cancer for you, do the push/pull effect, it makes you more attractive and she'll want you more, be a d1ck and tell her you dont want to be a toy, that she comes running to when she is feeling down or needs attention, if she hooks up with someone else just move on to the next one.

    Not to be rude bro but you came off really needy, like you are desperate for her and probably sense it also.

    No expert just my advice/opinion

  4. #4
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mind Tricks View Post
    I just want to ask a few questions first, have you been a relationship before?
    Was she your first girl friend ever?
    So the best thing you need right now is distance cuz this girl is like cancer for you, do the push/pull effect, it makes you more attractive and she'll want you more, be a d1ck and tell her you dont want to be a toy, that she comes running to when she is feeling down or needs attention, if she hooks up with someone else just move on to the next one.

    Not to be rude bro but you came off really needy, like you are desperate for her and probably sense it also.

    No expert just my advice/opinion
    Honestly I never hit the needy beta behavior thing til I met her, I have been dating half my life.

    I used to have myself together, mentally collected, in shape, stable, friends, gf's etc etc.

    She has issues, so I can't tell if she cares and is too screwed up for it to matter, or doesn't care. Either way it doesn't change things.

    I told her recently I don't want to date her and I am getting my life back on track. After she realized I was going to bail, she stared chasing me a little...but I am smart enough to know that it would be just temporary. It is way too soon to worry about anything other than getting my life straightened out.

    Getting in shape, got new clothes, trying to hook up with a one nighter while I am in nashville in a couple of weeks. Get the girl out of my system and when I am the sort of person I want to be again, see whether I think I care.

    And by the same token, see what sort of person she is when she isn't getting anything from me, and especially over months, not a week or two after things fell apart.

    The only tough thing for me is the things she does at the moment to try to get my attention back are things that make me feel less miserable about what happened. And tbh I am trying to figure out some bs to give her so I can cold turkey quit it.

  5. #5
    pua_wannabe is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    Sounds like you got this figured out pretty well. Stop thinking about doing these things and start doing them. Stay true to your resolve! I hope you accomplish everything you just posted on here. Good Luck!
    Take her off that farking pedestal!

    “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor

  6. #6
    Autismus's Avatar
    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    Quote Originally Posted by rjy3 View Post
    I have been friendzoned ... got an std ... wanting to ditch the friendzone ... make an attempt to get out of the friendzone... ...

    First of all, she's got an STD. That should be curtains. DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR HEALTH!!!


    Second (while you're not banging her, not getting your d1ck siphili-ed off):


    1. she understands I am not going to do anything that costs money for her.
    GOOD! You shouldn't!

    2. still wants to cuddle and say I love you when she also says she doesn't love me.
    You're a man, not her vibrator! Decide: do you want a teddy bear or an F-buddy? If you want an f-buddy, don't settle for a teddy bear. If you want a teddy bear, don't get a boner while you're cuddling.

    3. I have worn out clothes, a messy room and car, smoke, & am out of shape. also don't take care of proper grooming/hygiene.
    Improve yourself - but not for her - for you. YOU should (and can only) be the reason you stop smoking/start working out/clean your place/use propper hygiene. Because YOU hold yourself to a higher standard - THAT's Alpha. Not because you think it's what she or any one else wants/expects - THAT's Beta.

    4. I have been whiny and insistent about things, and overly emotional about what she did.
    Is it a deal breaker or not? - STD = It is. It's a deal breaker, the deal is broken, don't complain, complaining means it's not over but you're not happy about it. It's over. Make that clear and don't complain.


    I feel like I need to fix my hygiene, appearance, clothes, room/car. also think the whole cuddling/i love you thing is a bad idea because it lets her still use me for emotional support. I feel like I should stop it, - YOU SHOULD STOP IT!!! She is using you for emotional support in a way that depletes you emotionally. Do Not sacrifice yourself for her - doing so is not heroic - it is irresponsible.

    1. How do I keep from caving in when she wants emotional or cuddly things
    Access your cold bloded side. I have a similar situation with this one chick and you know what I'm doing tonight? - sleeping the fark alone.

    2. how do i cope with if/when she hooks up with someone else while I am getting myself situated.
    Ignore it. Think of her as a dude. Your dude roommate is getting some. No big deal.

    3. how do I tell her I don't want to do the cuddly i love you thing or keep her away without sounding like a d1ck?
    It matters not whether she thinks you're a d1ck. It matters whether she thinks you're a p*ssy. She has used you - in a way that has harmed you - she has ABused you. This is not something that you have to take lying down, you don't need to worry about being a d1ck. She knows what she did. Tell her how it's going to be, and when she tries to deflect or get you side tracked, simply repeat to her how it's going to be. Don't give in, and don't sacrifice yourself.

    Sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh. Half of this is me pep-talking myself. Like I said, I've got a similar situation - girl I farked around with, and last night made clear I'm in the friendzone while she slept over (didn't want to sleep alone). So tonight when she called earlier I said "we'll see." And a minute ago when she called twice I ignored. She WILL sleep alone tonight. And tomorrow when I see her, I plan to call her out on her sh1t. But like I said, sorry if it seems harsh, but I hope it helps.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  7. #7
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their help. The health thing is an issue now, and tbh honestly works out in my favor. If I know she is screwing with me emotionally, and know I can't screw her for now, makes it a lot easier for me to not put up with things...Later on, to be blunt she will have to show me a clean bill of health. Also, we have a small community and it is common knowledge by now what she did...I know I shouldn't care if she hooks up with someone else, I just have some afc behavior that feels better knowing her odds are slim for now anyway.

    But for now, I have lost 15 lbs, still 20-30 more to go, fixed most of the hygiene, bought new clothes. Being slower than I want with ending the needy behavior on her behavior, but honestly am weaning her off of it. When I do less or don't give her attention, I don't act like it is a big deal. When she asks for something that isn't involved in being aquaintances, especially rides, anything monetary, etc. I tell her that I only do those things for my gf, not in a whiney or hateful way, just calm and matter of fact.

    Due to circumstances we are forced to coexist, which means no vanishing completely, so trying to work within that.

    I have told her, not resentfully or hatefully, just matter of factly, that I have no interest in dating her at this point, and that I will not be her friend or brother figure. When she tries to push them, I calmly reassert the statement.

    I have told her that I am sorting myself out, for -me- and that when I am done, I will see what I think of the person she is at that point and whether I want her in my life.

    Taking a trip to nashville a week from today for work training, trying to meet up with a lady friend while I am up there to relieve some stress...barring that finding someone/something to do while I am up there.

    As for her, I am doing a lot better, I just have some moments when I backslide. But I know in my heart of hearts nothing she says will really matter this soon after events.

    I do have one thing that I would like an opinion on, right now, if she does something for me, I generally do something for her to show appreciation. It is all mundane. i.e. she helped me pick out clothes, so I took her out to eat. I choose what I do, and it is nothing excessive, nor is it tied to feelings. Rather, it is what I would do for an aquaintance or friend. I feel that should still be fine so long as I stick with that but would like some opinions.

  8. #8
    Tyrone1991's Avatar
    Tyrone1991 is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    Hahahha Yes, Finally my area of expertese

    http://www.puaforums.com/how-seduce-...advantage.html
    Men, we need to value our time more then we value women. This isn't to say women are not valuable. But who are we to believe in something so illogical, as men we should realize that without our time(life), we would not even be able to pursue women, but only our mother who gave us life. Why do we think we should prioritize them over our time(life) unless she is the one who gives me/my children life. Man is Sovereignty.

  9. #9
    Autismus's Avatar
    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    I'd say keeping her as an acquaintance is fine. Just earlier tonight in fact I went to dinner with this chick (she payed, I had got last time) and then helped her hang some stuff (she's really short) but didn't let her spend the night and cuddle (I'm in the FZ btw lol) because, just like you said, it's outside of being an acquaintance.

    ...[plug] I have a FR of the confrontation if you're interested {>:-)
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  10. #10
    rjy3 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: friendzoned - requesting specific help.

    She is trying to cause drama and headaches for me while still wanting the attention/etc. pushed me too far this time. Going to tell her to keep away from me when I see her later. Not worth it right now, going to see how she is in 9 months.


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