Re: Help recovering a girl where I screwed up big time!
I'm going to take a couple of stabs first lol
You failed one of the most classic shit tests known to PUA. Which is when she asked if you thought you were getting laid. The simplest thing to do is to reverse it on her "Funny you said that, I was just about to ask you the same thing." There are a few other ways, but this is the simplest and most straight forward.
Interesting how she messaged about you being a gentlemen and her being in a weird place. It was very courteous of her, to which you responded in kind. However for most issues with women I try to focus on changing her MOOD and not her MIND. So after her sending that text you can literally just ignore it if you can get away with it. Or do something called reframing, or frame control, which is a more advanced technique I highly recommend studying.
The last thing I want to mention is that we, as humans, are natural problem solvers. We need constant mental stimulation so we search for new problems to solve. How else would our society have evolved so much faster than any other species in just the past two hundred years. Even dinosaurs have been on the planet much, much longer than humans and never advanced as much as us. So its only natural to understand that our personal relationships need conflict to keep the stimulation. So if you made it to the 4th date without even one argument then of course a conflict will arise itself eventually. Unfortunately she beat you to the punch and created the conflict herself, unknowingly of course. We are just drawn to conflict. Simple as that. (Also I'm surprised you got through 4 dates without sleeping with her. And don't feed me that "I want to take it slow"stuff. I know what that REALLY means lol.) So anyways that's my dissection...now my opinion on how to recover.
If you manage to actually meet with her then you are still golden. Focus on changing her mood, not her mind and if you can, I'd suggest introducing a new conflict rather than feeding into hers. Or you can call it introducing a new frame. She set the frame that she is not ready for something serious because of personal issues. You need a stronger frame. Usually its the one with a stronger emotion attached to it, but not always. I like to set the frame that I'M not ready because I've been hurt (which is entirely true), but I understand what it does to a woman. It challenges her to change my mind and to "conquer" me. It also sets the frame that I am the prize that needs to be won. I aim to introduce this conflict way before she introduces one of her own. Mind you this is unique to me. It's better to choose something genuine to yourself, but always try to frame it that you are challenge. And that you have standards. So if those standards aren't met, she isn't welcome in your world. There are certain times when it is crucial to be selfish. It shows that you care about yourself and demand respect. Very attractive indeed
This is just my opinion so feel free to be skeptical.
"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."