I would really appreciate any input you guys can give me. And help me make sense of what I am feeling.
First off, I wanna let ya all know that I really do not have much sexual experience. I am in fact a virgin. I'm 28 years old. Long story.
Secondly, I am not all that bad looking.
Thirdly, I was in the room with a chinese woman from HongKong.
I was been hitting on her for the past 1-2 months. She lives in HongKong. I've been text messaging with her to the point where she got really interested in me as a person. Like she wanted to be with me and marry me. I met her in person for the first time.
Before I made my text moves, I wanted to make sure that she looked good enough for me to pursue. Well on facebook, she looked pretty okay to me. I thought she was cute. Like HB6.
I was ofcourse quite disappointed that she was more like HB4.5-5 in person. She has great white skin and legs though. But I was not all that sexually attracted to her. I was very moderately sexually attracted to her.
She came to Thailand with a tour group to visit the country. And I went to meet her.
She is here for 4-5 days.
Anyways, On the onset she was quite attracted to me.
Day 2, I ended up in the room alone ith her. She had separated from her tour group because we wanted to spend time with each other. She shared a room with a 50 years old woman. That old woman was away for the day for a trip with the rest of the group. By 3pm in the afternoon time, we were in the hotel room by ourselves. The thing is I dont know how to get to the point where we can have sex. I did not even kiss her. I used the "Its okay" technique
me -- its okay
she -- its okay what?
me -- you can kiss me. I want to kiss you too.
she -- (laughs) nononono (acts shy)
This tencnique I learnt from TOB
I dont know. I felt, with our time in the room, I could sense that maybe she wanted something. I am not sure. She being Chinese, she could be reserved. Or she wanted something. I just didnt have any clue to to sexually charge anything. I just sat there, thinking in my head "should I go to her and not say anything, and simply touch her and kiss her?"
We kino like holding hands while we were walking. And we have immense rapport built with each other. She was playing with my earlobe. She says she likes to play with earlobes.
Anyways, needless to say, after chatting here and there, we left the rooom in 1 hour without anything much happening anyways. WHAT THE fark SHOULD I HAVE DONE? AND DO I EVEN KNOW SHE WANTED SEX OR NOT?
After that, we went for dinner and she was awfully quiet. She said she did not want to drink. I ordered my own drink and when she saw i was she said she will have one too. so we had this romantic dinner, I made her laugh and sh1t and she was asking me questions. But she felt sleepy and like i said, she was awfully quiet. She does not drinks much, so she felt like she got tipsy and drunk with just one cocktail.
Anyways, I sent her to her hotel room and left for my home.
Now to make this more complicated.
I know in my heart, I am not sexually attracted to her enough to make her my gf or even marry her. Shes 25 and she says her dreams is to have kids and have a family. Shes gonna be in Thailand for another 2 more days. Even if I do have a chance to fclose her, I dont want to make her feel that I love her and sh1t. I like her alot, but fark, I am not all that sexually attracted to her. After she leaves Thailand, I dont plan to pursue her as much anymore and I definitely dont want to make her feel bad or anything. If I fclose her, will she think I love her? Will she feel used if I dont pursue her as much anymore? I dont know. I didnt fclose her in the room, i am not sexually attracted to her much. These thoughts were running to my head even when I was alone with her in the room in the afternoon time where I FAILED TO FCLOSE. I am now feeling these range of emotions, like sh1t. Like I do miss her, I miss her personality, I miss being with her, but at the same time knowing, I am not all that sexually attracted to her. Maybe I could spend more time with her to get to know her better?
Or maybe she will simply dump me herself, who knows?
Cause after the room sceneraio I sort of felt so beta after that! And My body language and stuff got to be more beta. She probably may dump me. fark!