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Thread: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

  1. #41
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Quote Originally Posted by ecudes17 View Post
    I never said you should TELL a women about the "fun" you had without her. Thats stupid. Dont put words in my mouth.

    I didnt put words in your mouth... not at all.

    I stated my example at the outset (the woman does not live close to you and might not hear about your good time). Following this line of thought, the tendency may be to describe your fun to show her what she missed out on. Of course, you can do this to some extent, but most guys try to hard and do it in a way that is too approval seeking (since she does not know your friends).

    I'm talking in generalizations when I say "you."
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
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  2. #42
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Thought you guys might be able to help me with this situation.

    I was blown off last month from a busy girl I went on a date with. We met online and I was getting strong IOI’s before and after the date and I’d like to continue seeing her. We f-closed and decided to make plans to do the same the following weekend. She seemed just as keen to hang out again however we didn’t confirm any plans and it turned out she was busy. Since we didn’t have time to spend the night together she went on a date with another guy to finish her weekend and we decided to go on a date the following weekend instead. She said she we would make plans but after her date with him she told me she’ll be busy again and she is going on another date with the same guy because apparently it’s the last chance he’ll have to see her for a few weeks. She asked if this bothered me, apologised and told me she still might have time to see me as well. I played it down and said maybe another time. She was relieved I wasn’t mad but said ‘the makeup sex would be hot’ if I was. We kept on chatting for a bit but I froze her out while she was being forward and telling me what she wanted to do when we see each other again. I reinitiated contact with her online last week but we haven’t texted for over two weeks. I negged her more and she was showing IOI’s and mentioned she is keen to go on another date when she has time. She also asked why I wasn't using terms of endearment anymore and said she missed them. She told me she had been busy and her time hasn’t been as exciting as mine. And then I told her blowing me off caused me to miss out on another date and I was almost left with limited options but everything worked out awesome. I also told her I would be too busy to see her until next month. Then she apologised for almost messing up my weekend and told me she was glad I had an amazing time anyway and she was disappointed she has to wait. I’m freezing her out again because I don’t know what to say. I was going to call her out and say this:

    “Meh, it worked out for me. Your time might have been more exciting if you didn’t change plans. :P
    But making plans with him after we decided to hang out that weekend was lame, if he couldn’t find time for you that was his problem, not mine. It meant he saw you again within a week and as a result we’re still yet to hang out a month later. Bit jealous that he’s probably farked you more times than I have now. Telling me you’d find time for me and ‘can’t wait to see me/kiss/have sex again” and then finding time for multiple dates with someone else and putting me aside so you could see him made me think you blew me off and your words were empty. And you stopped messaging me after your date so you went to the back of the line and I lost interest until I read your profile again. If that bothers you hot make up sex might be a possibility but if you blow me off again I’ll lose interest. :P”

    She also said my other options sounded nice anyway. So I was going to say “They were lame in comparison to spending time with you or a date with a sexy lady at her beach house. But I’m glad my weekend was better than any of those and any dates with both of you.”

    Do you guys think that’s too harsh or needy? I think it shows that flaking is unacceptable, she missed out on having a good time and if she blows me off again I have other options and won’t give her another chance.


  3. #43
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Don't send either of those messages. You have to define what you want out of this before anyone on here can help you out, but seriously, neither of those messages are acceptable.

    Edit: I can't get over that first message you've suggested. That's so AFC it's hurting me physically. Please, for the love of God and all things holy, do not send that message.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #44
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Thanks for the response!
    You have to define what you want out of this before anyone on here can help you out
    I don't want to fall into a repeated cycle of sleeping together, flaking, and freezing her out. I'd like to date her regularly if I can recover things and not have to worry about my plans with other women being stuffed up.

    I thought BatMan's post is a good idea, but I wasn't sure if that message was too insecure. It's hard to call someone out for flakiness without appearing insecure about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    You have to be a man with standards. Eventually she will care and that's when you start to show her that things she does upset you. If you built enough attraction that she takes you walking away as a loss in her life then definitely call her on it.

    Being "cool" about everything only teaches her ......guess what......that you're COOL with everything. She will definitely take advantage and flake. She will go on a date with a guy she KNOWS will walk away if she messes up than with you because she knows "you'll be cool" about it.

    You've already slept with her so you have all the rights to do this. Tell her simply "I don't associate myself with people that behave that way." This totally cuts her off of your fun reality and her heart will drop since she is no longer welcome into your clubhouse. (Best clubhouse in the city mind you)

    I had a woman who I was dating regularly (slept with) go through a phase for about a month of constant flaking and me being cool with it. Eventually I got fed up and when I bumped into her at the club I waved her off and went and danced with other girls for the rest of the night. She was pissed for the rest of the night and even text me "Have a goodnight asshole" to which I responded "Thanks you to." Long story short she began to put more effort. Its been a few months since and she actually makes plans to see me and follows through. It blew my mind. So i think everyone needs to STOP being COOL about everything and show that she upsets you. Just don't turn into a spazoid.
    I can't get over that first message you've suggested. That's so AFC it's hurting me physically.
    Based on the information I gave, how would you respond then? I don't want her to continue to think I'm cool with her flaking. Apart from being flakey she still seems keen and is genuinely busy and she suggested another date. And 'hopes it happens' I wasn't happy about being put aside for a better option, and I think she see's me as another option. Since we don't share a social circle or anything I thought making her aware I have other options too might help. Maybe that's better left unsaid?

  5. #45
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    How would I respond? I wouldn't. A girl who flakes on me to go blow another guy is an STI meat pouch I don't want to stick it in.

    But since you want to "date her," and I presume you're not going to listen if I tell you you're better than that and can find something better than her, I would say BatMan's response is the best possible response. His response is actually the exact opposite of "insecure." It's saying, "Listen, I don't need you in my life, so there's the door." What's more secure than that? Of course, if you say it you have to mean it and be okay with it. If you don't mean it then it will come across as insecure, then you'll go all AFC and start begging to get her back.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #46
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    We did chat quite a bit before meeting and I'm not worried about that, I know from experience that she is careful about who she sleeps with. And I know from experience she is good in bed so freezing her out completely seems unnecessary.
    With that logic I'd be having lots of vanilla sex with boring women.

    I thought my example was kind of the same, but I didn't feel I could be put it that simply since I already have continued associating with her so it wouldn't have the same effect and it would come across as insecure. I thought teasing her about missing out on having a good time might help, and making her aware she's gone to the back of the line and if it happens again she won't get another chance shows I'm not unreasonable but I'm not cool with her behaviour.

  7. #47
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    The best way to handle a situation like this, is to just live life & express a positive, upbeat, confident vibe.

    Facebook posts that are fun & interesting (not negative or complaining/whining about stuff) are always good for that.

    Also- just text her fun, random stuff without trying to met up with her.
    I'm going to create a new thread with more examples of the right kind of texts to send, when you want to increase a girl's attention & make her start thinking about wanting to be with you.




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  8. #48
    Viking12345 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    I don’t use social media (I really should) and we have very separate lives so the only vibe she gets is what she directly hears from me unfortunately. That is why I was toying with the idea of making her aware I have other options and telling her about the fun I could have had without her, but I reckon that would just come across as approval seeking. And I imagine mentioning the fun she's had without me would be insecure.

    In response to her apology I was just going to keep it a bit shorter and say something like: “My weekend was awesome but I don’t associate with people who blow me off. Your time would have been equally as exciting if you didn’t go all lame and plan another date after we decided to hang out that weekend.”

    We’re still having fun banter, I'm teasing and her all that. And I’ve been mindful not to push for another date. She’s the one who bought it up and she seems genuinely disappointed now that she has to wait longer. We’ve only been chatting online since I froze her out and while she still seems keen I’ve noticed she is less invested which I think is because she has other options which she didn’t have before our date.
    Thanks for the advice man! I’ll check it out!

  9. #49
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Just an update guys; I called her out on the flaking with a message similar to the one in my last post I also made reference to what the sex would have been like had she stuck to her plans and I didn't acknowledge her disappointment we couldn't hang out soon and her suggestion to make plans when I find time. She replied almost instantly (a lot quicker than she has been lately) and said she has been double booking lots of things recently and called herself an idiot. And wanted to hear more about the sex she missed out on.

    I was going to call her out again about how everyone else cancels their recent plans when they double book things not their original plans. Is this the right approach? A girl that is interested will move her plans and reach out to you. She did that for the other option.

  10. #50
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    Default Re: calling a girl out on flaky behavior... ever ok?

    Play indifferent and ignore her desire to hear more about the sex.

    It happens. But listen, I'm a busy guy, so let me know when you finally get your schedule together and can make a definitive plan.

    This is a non-needy response, that doesn't beg her or scold her. However, it still expresses your disapproval and she'll get the point.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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