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Thread: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

  1. #1
    sija is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    Hey guys,

    First post here, Ive just been reading a lot and am very new to this pua stuff..but am in need of some advice.

    This all is a span of about a 1 1/2 weeks.
    I got this girls number we had a great first date we went mini golfing and i def did a good amount of kino and made the game interesting and she had a lot of fun. two days later we hung out at the library while doing some work so not too much chance for kino but i did some. then again two days later me and my friends were headed to hookah so i decided to invite her and her friends also came along.

    Those last two are where i think i went wrong because i wasn't able to escalate the kino but anyways yesterday we went on another date (bowling) plenty of kino high fives and stuff (and this whole past week she was also expressing a lot of kino...one of my friends who went to hookah is also a pretty good pua and noticed) but yesterday we ended up eating ice cream and talking and somehow tickling each other i don't remember how it started but it happened. at the end of the night i gave here a kiss goodnight on the cheek and 15 min later i get a text from her which basically said that she just wants to be friends.

    So I'm wondering what went wrong or what i may have messed up..because i thought i had this one in the bag.

    Thanks for reading guys and any advice is appreciated.

    -Sija

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong???

    Everything sounds like the kind of stuff "friends" would do... Kino without flirting & escalation isn't going to be effective in the way you want it to be.

    Just "going out & doing fun things" won't build attraction. It builds "rapport", (which is good) but you want to hold off on building comfort / rapport, until after you've worked on the attraction phase.

    Try being more playful in the beginning. Little pokes & jabs, teasing / bantering... all that sort of stuff is what's gonna make her more curious & WANT to get together again.... and in the way you're aiming for.



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  3. #3
    sija is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong???

    So basically i just didnt give enough time to build attraction before I asked here out? And How much kino should be done during the attraction phase...Im still a little confused on when to change gears from the attraction phase to building rapport.

    This is the exact text she sent after i kissed her goodnight is there anyway to recover or should i move on?

    "I just dont want things to get weird. You are so great seriously.but we work together..which would get weird if this ended bad and trust me i am WAY too complicated for your to like me that way. you would end up hating me just like every one of my close friends does. and i dont want that. i want to keep hanging out but i dont want to cross any lines. its just not worth losing someone that is an awesome friend that i already love to death that way. I hope your not mad at me."

    I basically replied that im definitely not mad and that i think we really work too and i understand and that i think we should keep hanging out also.

    Is the triangle method here a good idea?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong???

    The timing of asking a girl out can vary, depending on her & the situation itself. But you definitely want to establish the flirting from the get-go!

    I personally never ask a girl out until after I've already escalated the connection to a sexual level. (That's just my preference)
    But the reason is because, that way I know for a fact that things are gonna go really well when we get together.

    I don't waste any time finding out whether or not she's receptive to flirting & sexual topics. I'm not overtly crude about it, but I manage to gauge her reactions with a few comments.

    If she takes the bait, I crank it up & begin "Rapid Escalation & Seduction". If she's resistant, I'll basically put HER in the friend zone. (or at least on the back-burner).

    It's my way of weeding out the ones that are likely going to fizzle out, (Or that we just don't click) and I don't have to invest a lot of time & effort before finding out.


    This girl you're talking about has absolutely friend zoned you. So the only way out is to, either risk losing her as a friend & start turning up the heat with flirting & escalation; or to build social proof as a "high demand" guy with lots of options.

    If she sees that other hot girls are interested in you, she'll subconsciously find you more attractive & begin to pursue you.


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  5. #5
    sija is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong???

    Hey Thanks for all the advice. This is the first girl i have pursued using pua techniques. Im not completely at the point where im meeting multiple girls im trying to get there and will use this advice in the future so thanks.....I also think the second option is better i dont think i want to risk losing her as a friend if i fire things up now...I rather play the approach where she sees that other girls are interested and if she starts to pursue me great if not its whatever

    haha thanks again.

  6. #6
    Shakeshi is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    High fives and a kiss on the cheek are not very sensual. It sounds like you
    took things very slow and in friendly direction without building up much in
    the way of sexual tension between the two of you. This left her plenty of time
    to get cold feet rather than having her passionately swept along in a tide of
    warm sensual emotions.

  7. #7
    sija is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    Yea thats what my friend told me. I also forgot to mention earlier in this whole post that this was the first time ive made that much progress with a girl so still gaining confidence with the whole escalation and sexual tension aspect of it.

    I also work with this girl so i will be seeing her on a regular basis so i wanted to know if i should change anything that i was doing earlier like the way i talk to her or the way i act without her noticing that im trying to build attraction.

    meaning what was said above where she can see that other girls are into me and she may start gaining more attraction.

    I dont really know if that made sense, ill try to clear it up a bit more if it didnt.

    Thanks again.

  8. #8
    Shakeshi is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    Congratulations on your progress but do not get too focussed on her
    because you made it further with her than you have other women.
    Is she really that special or is it because you feel you could have
    gotten her ? Remember that you have to work at the same place
    as her so do not push so hard as to make things too awkward.

    I can pretty much guarantee that there will be other women who will
    slip through your fingers over something you could have done differently.
    Do not stress too much over it and remember that there are plenty of
    other cool women out there.

  9. #9
    sija is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    I mean she is really fun to be around..more than i felt about other girls before. and i did think that i had her but realized through all the responses here that i didnt build enough attraction first and too much comfort to quickly.

    Thanks for the help and i will use all the advice in the future.

  10. #10
    waylansmithers34 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: What did i do wrong - she just wants to be friends???

    Hold her hand and kiss her on the first date.


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