Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 7 of 7
Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By The Red Baron
  • 1 Post By Blistex

Thread: A problem with friends (non dating q)

  1. #1
    LockDown's Avatar
    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 7,026, Level: 55
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 124
    Overall activity: 17.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    873
    Points
    7,026
    Level
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    332

    Default A problem with friends (non dating q)

    Ok I've wondered about this for awhile and i thought why not ask u guys. It'a question about friendships.

    I actually have alot of friends. Over the years, i expanded my social group to widen my net to pull in some really cool people ... men, woman, younger than me, older... even married people. And a dozen different nationalities. Its been educational, and while NOT directly related to pick up, its helped me learn how different people view the world.

    Ok so here's the problem. I get invited out by the different groups, no prob. I have a core group of friends im closest to and i hang out with alot of course. BUT when i try to do something that brings them together, it just doesnt happen. I will give plenty of notice, sometimes a few weeks, and people confirm and show excitement and all that.

    But then a majority flake. Something came up... i have another engagement... etc. I dont think each groups hates each other because many of them have net/hung out at one time or another through me and everything was ok. Then, some peolle wont confirm until the last minute because im almost sure they arr seeing if something else comes along (one time a group of 5 friends all accepted an invite i know they received after mine).

    So i was just thinking of negging them all. I dont want to be a jerk but its very disrespectful IMO. Its come to a point where im either going to call them out or cut them off. Any opinions guys?

    Oh and just so u know... this isnt social meltdown lol. I have more than enough friends i can count on. Just wondering about those friend flakes
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  2. #2
    The Red Baron's Avatar
    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 16,918, Level: 83
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 432
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Posts
    995
    Points
    16,918
    Level
    83
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    734

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    I have the same issue and never found a solution

    When it comes to it, I just lowered my expectation of my "friends". There's not much else you can do, just be casual friends with them, theyre people to hang out with, and thats about it. And only put your energies into the ones you can count on. No real fix
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    LockDown's Avatar
    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 7,026, Level: 55
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 124
    Overall activity: 17.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    873
    Points
    7,026
    Level
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    332

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    Glad to know i'm not the only one RB.

    I think its an alpha thing. Like your friends like your energy and how u lead... so they go ahead and get caught up in your enthusiasm for the event. But somewhere along the line, they reevaluate things and lose interest.

    Or they could be playing games and not be friends in the true sense
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  4. #4
    LockDown's Avatar
    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 7,026, Level: 55
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 124
    Overall activity: 17.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    873
    Points
    7,026
    Level
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    332

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    Had to dig this thread up.

    I was thinking about this on the drive from work one day. I think it has to do with similar PUA concepts as comfort and rapport. I've noticed that the easiest way to make FRIENDS with anyone is to build comfort... but like Pick UP, it takes time. Certain friends you see rarely havent had that much time to build comfort with you. They may get the same intuition to Flake as an HB.

    I think this is really the key because for example, if you threw a party at a rented hall or some club... its like an EVENT. People are wired to know that they will come, meet people, dance etc... BUT the catch is that they can come with their social group. Like when its an open invite kinda thing... they can bring a friend of two so they can feel 'safe.' Its not like they are taking any risk socially.

    This leads me to believe a few things about people in general (even fun outgoing people):


    1) People are insecure. If there is any chance that they may look awkward or not be in total control (ex. going to someplace they never been), they would rather opt out.


    2) Many people would rather do "safe" activities that they have some experience in. Even if they skydive all the time, or do some other thrilling stuff, they feel more comfortable doing that then say, going to a wine tasting event. They are unwilling to take a chance.


    3) High expectiations. I also think that, unlike the PUA mindset, many people cant help but bring up negative comparisons in their minds. "This isnt as good as that last party" or "That other place had better music." This again is about taking chances. If they over-analyze that maybe they may not have as much fun as last time, they will be reluctant to work up any energy at all. Ex. I had a friend who came to the movies with me and my buddies. I pick him up at a BBQ. I asked how it was and he said it was fun, good food, cool people etc. Then he tells me it was still going on. I ask why did he except my invite then? His priceless reply, "Dont worry man. It was fun but there were no hot chicks there or anything." Instead of having fun, his focus was on whether the activity was u pto par in the hot chicks department LOL.


    A PUA would take chances just to meet new people, or try something different. And even if he went and didnt particularly like the activity, he wouldnt be negative about the experience (unless something major happens). He would just think that you have to take chances with new things in order to grow.




    I dont know what this all means but I thought I might be getting close to understanding this issue
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  5. #5
    ridah28 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 284, Level: 5
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    250 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Scottsdale, AZ
    Posts
    66
    Points
    284
    Level
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    20

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    One good way to learn how to get better at this is to join some meetup groups and get to know the group leaders. One group i'm in has 2600 members in the Phoenix area, and the group leader is excellent at getting people to attend events. Some of the events attract 200+ people. I like to observe what the leaders do to motivate people. This is kinda off topic, but went to a club meetup tonight and there was a PUA there giving a bootcamp and having guys go around and talk to women. I only knew about this because a few girls told me about it, lol. I asked them if they met the guy, was wondering if he may have been a PUA that I knew about. If you live in a city, meetup groups are great, I've made lots of female friends who introduce me to their friends.
    Hard work equals hard bodied sexy women in your life. Picking up women = putting in the time and effort go get good at it. Most naturals have put in this time and effort without it appearing as time and effort to them!

  6. #6
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,497, Level: 42
    Level completed: 74%, Points required for next Level: 53
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Back for a limited time.
    Posts
    437
    Points
    4,497
    Level
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    207

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    In my experience studying the pickup arts, I have arrived at 100% exactly the same situation. What I have found though, is you must BE CAREFUL inviting certain people or groups of people together with respect to their traits. They will always stick in their cliques unless they are a group that possesses PUA traits. I have had more than my fair share of fights and nonsense, aka useless drama to deal with because of this.

    Bottom line, be a member of as many crews as you can, while still maintaining your individuality. You may well click with certain members of certain groups, but keep your friendships independent. While it would be nice for all of your friends to give each other an honest chance to get to know each other and watch the relationships blossom, it is only a pipe dream.

    I do think that this is because of the way society tends to train people. It is completely possible for everyone to adopt a mindset that is open to taking risks and chances, but it is just not logical in the world we live in. If you want some of that crap go join the Venus Project, or some other utopian ideal. We live in the here and now and the world that is the present.

    Keep your relationships alive, but see them as they truly are. (Summary of what RB said in a nutshell).
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  7. #7
    LockDown's Avatar
    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 7,026, Level: 55
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 124
    Overall activity: 17.0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    873
    Points
    7,026
    Level
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    332

    Default Re: A problem with friends (non dating q)

    Thanks for the input guys.

    @blistex... i think you make many valid points. I have come around to the same conclusion. It took me awhile because i was kind of relying on some friends who i thought were cool, but after awhile, i had to evaluate each one and realized that (as in pick up) not everyone will treat you equally. Some friends are cool, but when they hang out with others more than you ... then keep them as casual friends but stop trying to chase them down. Hang out with them but expect them to be casual friends only... never more than that.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde



Similar Threads

  1. Have A Problem
    By Jared_N in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 08-18-2012, 08:34 AM
  2. What is my problem????
    By ASPiRE2bThebEst in forum General Questions
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 06-18-2012, 02:46 PM
  3. Age problem
    By Grand in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 04-23-2011, 12:56 PM
  4. New problem
    By Austevens in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 03-14-2011, 04:41 AM
  5. What is the problem?!
    By Sniper NYC in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 02-25-2009, 10:52 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com