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  1. #1
    SuperDry is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    What's up fellow in-training and pro PUA's?

    Newbie here who's working his way out of the friend-zone. Just two nights ago I confessed to a girl that I had feelings for her over text. She was quite skeptical, seeing that I was always the nice guy who treated friends equally. She automatically assumes that I like everyone (as a friend) and am asexual because I never made any advances on anyone when hanging out. I further convinced her through a phone call, I told her that my demeanor as an asexual dude was my version of friendzoning. She's known me for 4 years by the way but this was a side she's never seen or heard of.

    Now that the cat is out of the bag, I started telling her tidbits of what I like about her in a more romantic sense and what I would like to see between us from this point onward. Currently she's still totally taken aback by my confession in the first place but I kept feeding her my intentions. She would tell me that she likes us as friends repeatedly but I told her that I'm not exactly asking her to be my girlfriend just yet and at the very worst we'll still be best friends. I proclaimed it'd be nice to have dates, and it'd be nice to develop an understanding of her under the label of dating. There is a clear distinction between dating and being a girlfriend for me, but not so much for her. She would mention that we had one-on-one hangouts before but as friends and I've never made any advances then. I told her she was at a troubled spot in her life at the time (education and best friend problems) so I didn't want to burden her even more but that I did enjoy those times together. I wanted to bring up that during those times, we've leaned on each other while watching a show or that she would play with my hair if I lied it down next to her legs. Like there was some light physical contact between that I thought could be a good indicator.

    She would tell me things like she's no good for me or that I'm better with this or that girl, trying to disqualify in some way. I'd tell her that she shouldn't put herself down and that even if there weren't any problems with other girls she suggests, the important part is that I chose her specifically. There were times when she would give me another girl to pair up with and I'd ask her why she thinks that coupling is such a good one only for me to tell her in her long thinking that she actually has no reason and just wanted to say that to disqualify me. I didn't mention that it was to disqualify me but that's a fair assumption right? Anyways, she laughed and said I was right. Throughout the conversation, there were lots of opportunities to make myself seem like a mystery and I want to say that the awkwardness she feels and some of the responses she gave me to my retorts were positive ones.

    More importantly I feel however is that I emphasized that I wanted to see her too much maybe. I basically asked her out. I was aware that it might seem needy but I never said I needed her. She lives in SoCal has a ticket to skydiving in NorCal that expires in about 2 weeks and I pressed her numerous times to come up to join me in the skies. It's a tedious drive she says but I guess I'm using the "mysterious new me" to incentivise her coming up.

    Is there some actions I could have done better here? Is there a more surefire way to drop out of a helicopter with her? And could there be consequences of this risk I just took like having the girl feel like I betrayed our friendship? Hit me with all you got. Thanks.

    - SuperDry

  2. #2
    SuperDry is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    Anyone? Trying to make the next move but not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

  3. #3
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    Just two nights ago I confessed to a girl that I had feelings for her over text.

    Two strikes: The first for confessing your feelings, the second for doing it over text.

    She's known me for 4 years by the way but this was a side she's never seen or heard of.

    Wayyy too long, Man. Way too long.

    Now that the cat is out of the bag, I started telling her tidbits of what I like about her in a more romantic sense and what I would like to see between us from this point onward.

    It keeps getting worse!!! Make it stop!!!!! It's hurting me!!!!!!!




    Well...

    I'm not going to lie you you, SuperDry. You dug your grave so deep you're in China. We need to shift your focus away from this one girl specifically and onto your general tendencies. Let's make bullet points:

    -Don't confess your feelings. This idea serves no productive purpose. It alleviates tension, and tension is sexual. Nice guys relieve tension. Nice guys finish last.

    -Don't be such a try hard. The harder you try the most you invest, and the more you invest the more you care; the more you care the less power you have, because power is held by the one who cares less (sad; true).

    I hate to say it, because I've been there and it was the last thing that I wanted to hear, but you have to do it: Present the ultimatum, then walk away.

    Four years? Four years of investing in a girl who will always remind you of your AFC-self. If you don't walk away you'll never grow. No. She's either your girlfriend or just somebody that you used to know. Four years and I'm 99% sure that it won't end how you like, but you'll feel more like a man than ever before. That's power.

    My last girlfriend before I really dove into The Game has over $1,000 worth of jewelry that I bought for her, a fair portion of my DVD collection, and so on. She was one of my biggest investments. When I walked away--TRULY walked away, I felt like sh*t, but later a man. A REAL man. One with no obligations; no ties. Free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to.

    Whatever you may think, she's probably not worth it. Most girls aren't.

    Real talk; real Realism. Sorry to the haters.
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  4. #4
    SuperDry is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    Thanks for the reply Cody. You have reinforced and provided some insight into how I should proceed with other girls now.

    Would it help to mention that although I've known her for four years the interest I had in her didn't start until recently? I did follow up with a phone call and the topic piqued much of her interest. Whereas before she would put the "best friend" label between us that I never thought was anything that special. So up to this point I am willing to let her go despite telling her that at the very least we'd still be "best friends". She would ask how long I've been into her and I'd tease by saying she wouldn't get her answer unless we'd meet up one day. In fact, she's easing into the idea that I like her to begin with and flirts with me from time to time to kill the awkward tension she has. I guess "confession" isn't the right term, I just used it. Me "asking her out" isn't the right phrase either because I haven't really asked her to come up here - I suggested it instead in a declarative way: come skydiving with me. It's just that I kept suggesting it that I felt the repetition became a problem.

    I used the "at the very least we can still be best friends" line and knew that it was in counter to that point but I didn't think the ramifications through as much. I understand that it could make the girl feel like I "betrayed" our friendship but that's precisely how I know that I'm willing to let this girl go. I even told her that the reason why I didn't want her to be my girlfriend just yet is because I'd rather just go out with her on a casual date to gauge the potential of her being my girlfriend. I also implied that because we're living with so much physical distance between us, that it may very well be that I get with another girl in the future anyhow which emphasizes that she's just another girl but just the girl I'm would like to have a few casual dates with right now. When I communicated these intentions she was rather impressed that I didn't seem embarrassed by them. I actually wasn't embarrassed and she actually complimented me for that.

    Reason I want to progress at all with this girl is because I'm a guy who's already in some friendzones. It's a goal of mine from joining the PUA community to not just not get friendzoned by girls I meet and pick them up instead, become more socially adept, but also to test how I can get out of friendzones I'm already in. Many people can say that they used to be friendzoned but would never be friendzoned after they became the PUA's they are now. I believe Virgil mentioned that he was friendzoned before, wouldn't be now, but never actually got out from any of the friendzones he was in, in a previous thread I made. From what I've done thus far my "confession" according to the girl, "puts me ahead of the rest".

    It's just that I'm afraid that I'm actually running out of moves to play. Does the situation have to elaborated more to answer the questions of my post above? Thanks.

    - SuperDry

  5. #5
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    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
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    Default Re: I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    This is what I'm getting,

    You want to learn how to get out of the friendzone, but you already know the easiest way out of the friendzone is to never get put there in the first place. Once put there, your odds of turning the tables are slim. If it means that much to you then by all means go ahead, I just simply don't understand. Maybe there was a time when I would have, but now I just go for maximum productivity & efficiency. Your thought process is counterintuitive. You're willing to work for this girl but ultimately have indifference as to the outcome? If that's so, you're still investing too much.

    A game of chess can be won in two moves. Why play any more than that?
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  6. #6
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    Suave Kino is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I'm progressing out of the Friend Zone (Long one MAH BAD)

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperDry View Post
    Anyone? Trying to make the next move but not sure what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
    Ditto on what Cody said. The friend zone is like quicksand. The easiest way to deal with it is never to end up there in the first place because once you're there it's a b*^&h to get out of.

    It is your job to keep a least a little sexual tension between you and women even if you don't want her there should at minimum still be a bad boy vibe. Every chick I know knows she would be game in the right circumstance. I like it that way.

    Anyway, you are trying to spark interest with this girl with this new mysterious you..umm no..you are chasing way to hard, I would recommend using social proof to spark her interest. if she sees other women wanting you, she might see the new you. Otherwise, please stop it.


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