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Thread: Are my social skills really this bad?

  1. #1
    serp777 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Are my social skills really this bad?

    Going through my first quarter of sophomore year, and things are going really badly in terms of women. I've tried to analyze this forum, and extract as much knowledge as possible, but I've clearly failed since i'm still a virgin.I always try to talk to girls, be confident/slightly cocky, and be as sociable as possible; without looking creepy or needy.I also usually ambiguously flirt, and use kino, but I haven't even been getting texts back (women who i've gotten #'s from) from 3s or 4s for things like "hey, how was your weekened?" Women have told me i'm attractive, so my personality must be complete sh1t, and I don't even realize it. Is this the most likely scenario? I even go to parties, and drink, so fail lol.Being a virgin at 20, if you've been trying to get laid, means you have some sort of major flaw that people aren't willing to get over. This is me. How do I find out what that problem is? Should I just ask people?

  2. #2
    HiDef is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    Take a good look at yourself. Really think about your personality. What are your strengths and weaknesses in general? Then think about your strengths and weaknesses in social skills. Make a list of each and find how to improve your strengths and use them to your advantage. Also work on your weaknesses and improve them. Think about any insecurities you may have (be honest, you may realize you have something even if you think you don't). Fix these things.

    Work on building some social proof and surround yourself with people you can learn from and who will raise your value. Make friends with some very hot girls and practice game on them, even if it goes no where, it doesn't matter. Having some friends who are girls can be useful because you can surround yourself with them when meeting new girls and it will preselect you. Just keep the friendships mysterious in the minds of the new girls you meet. You can also use these girl friends to ask them questions about yourself in subtle ways. Ask for advice on talking to girls, your appearance, or even your way of communicating.

    Think about how developed your inner game is. Also evaluate your body language and demeanor. Are you Alpha or Beta? Choose a few things to work on at a time or many, just make sure it doesn't overload you to the point where you make no progress.

    Obviously it is very difficult to assess you, but from your post it seems like you may not be systematic in how you game women. It doesn't need to be absolutely scripted and perfect, but it should follow a general pattern. If you drink, don't drink to excess (I don't know if you do or don't, but that's my recommendation regardless). It is best to game while sober so you can become accustomed to it and also to not turn into a creeper (believe me, it happens to virtually all guys).

    You may or may not have a fundamental flaw, but reflecting on yourself may help you find out for certain. Whatever the case, you can definitely find a few strengths and weaknesses to work on to help improve yourself.

  3. #3
    serp777 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    I recently joined a fraternity to build social proof. With any luck i'll start meeting some sorority girls. I think you're probably right though about my lack of inner game. Are there any guides I can read to build up inner game? What sort of pattern/algorithm should I use? I'm honestly just focusing all my attention and effort keeping on the conversation interesting, and occasionally saying something funny or a tease. If I get any IOi's (rare), i get their number. In terms of insecurities though, by nature of being a virgin i'm insecure, and i'm insecure about my social skills, in effect. However, I don't think I have ever let it show, although I'm biased and cannot know for sure.

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    Gnarfskt is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    Like HiDef says, evaluate your body language and demeanor. And you don't necessary have to be a alpha male, you can just act like one even if you´re a beta.

    Also, I think you should you lower your expectations. Your goal shouldn't be to get laid, but rather to get a kiss. And what about eye contact? Do you keep eye contact with the girls you talk with or do you lowering your gaze while talking with them?

  5. #5
    serp777 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    I always hold eye contact longer than a girl holds it with me as a rule of thumb. I think it shows confidence. Being 7ft tall I probably have unusual body language. My expectations are pretty low: porn websites. I'm simply trying to get girls to text me back. Baby steps.

  6. #6
    HiDef is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    Ultimately, inner game takes practice without training wheels. Just put yourself out there and get rid of insecurities and lack of confidence. That will up your inner game by itself and allow it to grow.

    IOIs may be more common than you think. Learn to spot verbal indicators, such as questions she may ask about you. She responds to freeze outs, she seeks you out, etc. Body language is even better, in my opinion. Learn some basic body language and learn to spot the IOIs. It can be eye contact, smiles, playing with hair, pointing her body at you, touching herself, playing with something phallic in any way, her feet open and towards you, etc.

    If you are seeking a formula, at least for now, then consider the Mystery Method. It is basic and effective, and it is essentially the foundation of almost all other methods. It is a good starting point to develop yourself and facilitate your learning. Many people here speak about the opening phase, attraction, comfort, seduction. Well that's MM.

    I agree with Gnarfsktstastdsktgaf hsgjaohfgbaighbafd, acting Alpha will be enough to boost your game. Fake it 'till you make it.

  7. #7
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    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    Most people aren't observant enough to really give a good answer. Most of your guys friends will just tell you to "be confident" and most chick friends will just say "I don't know why, you just seem like a friend" Only about 1 in 20 will be able to get more specifi than that, and only barely more specific. You'll be able to find better answers here.

    What you're describing sounds to me like it's a body language issue. Pay attention to your body language and look to see if it is significantly different (especially around women) from guys you know who get laid regularly. Focus on angles of facing, ammount of eye-contact, leaning in or away.

    It could be a "personality" thing, but I think it's more a behavior / inner frame thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by HiDef View Post
    Take a good look at yourself. Really think about your personality. What are your strengths and weaknesses in general? ... work on your weaknesses and improve them. Think about any insecurities you may have (be honest ... Fix these things.

    Work on building some social proof and surround yourself with people you can learn from and who will raise your value. Make friends with some very hot girls and practice game on them, even if it goes no where, it doesn't matter. ... Ask for advice on talking to girls, your appearance, or even your way of communicating.

    Think about how developed your inner game is. Also evaluate your body language and demeanor. Are you Alpha or Beta? Choose a few things to work on at a time or many, just make sure it doesn't overload you to the point where you make no progress.
    There is a HUGE amount of attractiveness you gain from social proof and preselection. Like night and day.

    Quote Originally Posted by serp777 View Post
    I'm honestly just focusing all my attention and effort keeping on the conversation interesting, and occasionally saying something funny or a tease.
    This ^ kind of focusing on trying to keep it interesting will show. Don't TRY to make it interesting while throwing in humor and teasing, let your conversation be ALWAYS funny or teasing and she'll be interested. Doing so is just a matter of finding good conversational / DHV material, there's stuff all over this site.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gnarfskt View Post
    Like HiDef says, evaluate your body language and demeanor. ... Also, I think you should you lower your expectations.
    If you have expectations she'll pick up on it, if you don't expect or want anything from her then she'll be curious
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  8. #8
    serp777 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    Quote Originally Posted by Autismus View Post

    If you have expectations she'll pick up on it, if you don't expect or want anything from her then she'll be curious
    I thought part of being alpha was also about not being afraid to show intentions/expectation. I don't even know anymore though; I just got flaked on by two girls in the past week. They didn't even bother saying they couldn't make it.

  9. #9
    HiDef is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    You're right about not being afraid to show interest. You just can't be too direct, especially in the beginning. You need to build attraction in her so that she shows interest in you first. Being confident is also about being able to do that effectively. Confidence itself will help a lot in building attraction because she will pick up on it and love it.

    Those girls probably flaked on you because they saw direct interest from you too early and they felt like the emotional ride and mystery was over. That makes them lose interest. It's either that, or you didn't build enough attraction so they didn't feel compelled to meet you. Or perhaps both. I'm willing to bet it was all of these things.

    Girls need to feel enough attraction and have an investment in you so that they will be compelled to follow through with their commitments. They will want to chase you. The way you show interest is by escalating kino when you do see her, but not by telling her you like her or by chasing her all the time. She will notice an increase in physical contact, and she will begin to wonder whether or not you like her. If you build enough attraction and make her chase you, she will be curious as to why you don't chase her very much.

    You should be able to move through attraction and comfort with ease, and you want your kino to lead to a kiss soon enough so you don't end up friend-zoned, but not too soon where you freak her out. You need to learn to calibrate your interactions with people. Learning to find indicators of interest helps, and learning about body language will cover at least 70% of that.

    Have you read about pickup extensively and systematically? It seems to me like you don't know very much, and what little you know is sporadic knowledge that you don't even fully understand. Read Mystery Method. It will teach you a lot about pickup and interaction. It will also set you on the right path to understanding many other things including previous experiences you have had. Once you read through it, you can then begin reading and watching material from others such as David DeAngelo and Style.

    Originally Posted by serp777
    I thought part of being alpha was also about not being afraid to show intentions/expectation. I don't even know anymore though; I just got flaked on by two girls in the past week. They didn't even bother saying they couldn't make it.
    Your tone shows that you feel beaten. Don't give up and don't get hung up on any girl. Learn from those experiences, don't just let them pass you by. Most of all, don't pity yourself. It is the exact opposite of being strong and an Alpha male. There's nothing wrong with having feelings and with feeling down, but learn to move on and not wallow in bad emotions.

  10. #10
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    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Are my social skills really this bad?

    The biggest difference between having DLV expectations and being Alpha / showing direct interest can be seen in the scenario of a kiss:

    (1) If it shows in the lingering of your voice that you intend or have the expectation to kiss her - that will DLV

    (2) If you kiss her. That's an Alpha showing direct interest - that will DHV
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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