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Thread: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

  1. #1
    Ethan47 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Hey guys; this is my first time posting about me trying use Game and I'd love any critiques.

    SORRY for the long post. Everything is running through my head and maybe there is some detail you can help me with

    I just got out of a horrible 3 yr. one-itis relationship where I put her needs way above mine. Knowing that I was an AFC who really wanted honest/open relationships is what prompted me to break it off.

    3 weeks later... On a late night greyhound bus trip a woman sat down next to me. I mentioned that the wireless wasn't working at all, and transitioned into telling her about the crazy lady she missed at the previous station who got dragged off by security (true). We were on a crowded, dark bus, so as the conversation progressed (to her interesting opera singing career), I did light Kino I think. I used the back of my hand to touch her arm/shoulder/thigh when I was making a statement. I tried to lead her to talk by making statements about myself or her situation instead of just asking questions.

    She gave me IOI's but i didn't transition into a k-close because we had 3 more hrs of bus ride left and, well, I'm probably still AFC about that transition. Eventually she went to sleep saying she'd give me her card before we parted. I didn't speak to her when we got off the bus, instead I grabbed her arm gently and squeezed (more kino I hope) and turned her towards me. Then I asked for and got her business card. I pulled her in close by her arm (gently!) and she was glad to hug me.

    Today at around noon I emailed this.
    "Hope you slept before work. I sure didn't :/ Misses that connection in *** and waited until 7:30 for the next bus.
    Anyway, our connection was great, we should continue it soon. I'm in *** this weekend visiting friends. Let's do coffee/or a drink sometime. Then I can hear you sing, you promised me that! "

    (Too afc??)

    she responded

    "Hey! Glad you made it back ok, in spite of the delay. I got into my apartment by about 4:45, and slept in as late as I possibly could get away with, 11am. I had to leave to teach by noon, so that was cutting it close. We did have a nice conversation, and connection. I do have a boyfriend, so if you're interested in continuing to connect on a friend level, so am I. I'm around this weekend, let me know what you'd be up for.
    "

    I don't want to be an AFC anymore, which is what "LJBF and get a drink" would be. What are some reasonable responses?

    -Ethan47

  2. #2
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Personally if you do anything other than agree you will not see her again and lose all chance, so what I would do is agree to the drink and just ignore the friends and bf statement. Then when you get to the date do all the same sort of stuff you were doing on the bus and run some bf destroyer as well. See ow far you can push the kino and she probably will not object, if she doesn't like it she will just move away. What have you got to lose? Go for it

    Linking x

  3. #3
    Ethan47 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Thanks! That's great advice. You are definitely right, this is the one opportunity. My thought was to reply something along the lines of.

    "Whoa, I'm not looking to be anyone's boyfriend! I'll be at *** Friday night. Come by and say hi, I need to hear more about travelling to Italy!"

    So i'd be ignoring HER boyfriend while negging her about assuming things. Any thoughts?

    -Ethan47

  4. #4
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    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ethan47 View Post
    Thanks! That's great advice. You are definitely right, this is the one opportunity. My thought was to reply something along the lines of.

    "Whoa, I'm not looking to be anyone's boyfriend! I'll be at *** Friday night. Come by and say hi, I need to hear more about travelling to Italy!"

    So i'd be ignoring HER boyfriend while negging her about assuming things. Any thoughts?

    -Ethan47
    That would be good if her bf is a casual thing if she has strong feelings for him (or she's just used to him and doesn't want to end things )that won't do at all. She will run away at the first sign of interest
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  5. #5
    Ethan47 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Okay. Hm, and the interest is shown by telling her to stop by? In my head I thought telling her to stop by was better than asking since that's a little AFC. Should I try to disarm her to make it seem like I'm harmless? Also, the age gap is pretty big, i'm 25 and she's probably 38-40, so I feel like she can see through things :/

  6. #6
    xavier's Avatar
    xavier is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    telling her is way better. yes she'll obviously be more experienced than you but you will be able to disarm her if u proceed carefully and smartly. (yes disarm her :P)
    "The world will never change much less become what you want it to be. The only thing that can change is you. Face your fears, grow stronger and become what you want to be."
    _Xavier.

  7. #7
    Ethan47 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help: Sarged an Older Woman w/ BF!!

    Also note, she lives in an awesome city, and i'm perfectly fine knowing a well-connected awesome woman whose place I could stay at. After dating for 3 years I need to expand my people network
    This was my reply. Critiques? Too disarming/afc?


    I'm interested in meeting and hanging out with awesome people, and I'm sure your bf is great, so he counts too I believe my friends and I will be in **** on Friday. I'll be pushing for us to go to a cool bar and find dancing afterwords. Otherwise we could grab coffee somewhere a different morning! You can text me at *****

    (I already have her #)


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