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Thread: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

  1. #1
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    Hey all,

    Has anyone experienced something like this? I'm going to make a sweeping generalization here. I'll say that, as we all know, most guys are clueless with women. As such, most women get used to being disappointed.

    So, here's my story. I recently broke up with someone, got dumped actually. She was the sweetest. I'm heartbroken. I don't want to go through this again. The thing is, this woman has had her heart broken so many times, she was always suspicious of me. I did everthing right with her. She would always hit me up on txt/im, call me, initiate sex, etc. However, she had major trust issues and was always waiting for me to fark up. Bottom line is, I did. But, it was pretty minor, and since she was so used to expecting the worst, she broke up with me.

    Is there any way to qualify women better to avoid this in the future? Anyone else experience something like this? How can this be dealt with?

    All replies appreciated,
    Mr P

  2. #2
    ED11356's Avatar
    ED11356 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    I can't really say it was any fault of yours. It's not your fault that she had her heart broken many times and was waiting for you to mess up somewhere (which isn't fair for you). Seems like she has trust issues now (meaning she shouldn't date until she finds a solution to it).

  3. #3
    misterp2112 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    Thanks ED. Appreciate your response.

    Guess I picked a bad one. Any tips on qualifying a woman for trust issues? She isn't the first I've encountered.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    Pretty often you can cold read trust issues. Quality girls are hard to find. Take it slow for any girl you might get serious with.

    That's all I've got to say.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #5
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    Yeah I don't think you had anything to do with that, she already pre-determined that she couldn't trust you having that minor mess up well just a reason for her to dump you!

    These lost causes always seem so much more appealing sadly there is only so much we can do!

    Learn to recognize the signs early on, they can be rather apparent if your not blinded by your feelings for her.
    Take her off that farking pedestal!

    “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    I have to jump in this because my current LTR was the same way.

    When a woman freaks out because I "fucked up" they usually want to just end it. They feel that it's always going to be like that. So, what I usually do is just say "Fuck this. You want out fine. So do I" is basically my reaction. However, with my current LTR I did something different than I have ever done before.

    You have to understand that everyone has an "initial emotional reaction" to stress/conflict in a relationship. People say things they don't mean ALL the time. Once you understand this then you can do what I did with my gf.

    I DIDN'T REACT. I didn't take what she said seriously. I just rolled my eyes and said "I'm gonna let you go. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She would proceed to text me some pretty awful things. But I knew she only wanted a reaction out of me since she didn't want to be the only one reacting. So I ignored her til the next day and I then initiated contact with "We need to talk." Then we would take turns talking about how the other one feels. Aftwards we would apologize to each other and then we were fine.

    This happened a few times before she began to realize that I'm not going to bail on her just because she acts like a drama queen. That I am a man who is going to be her rock. That when she reacts that way I just downplay and treat her like she is being a drama queen and not add fuel to the fire. Now she has tons of trust with a tiny bit of doubt. Which is how I like it. Always leave alittle bit of doubt

    She has trust issues? WHO DOESN'T!! Trust has to be earned. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND WILL SCREW UP SOMETIMES. And that's OK. So will she. DO NOT fall into the frame that you screwed up therefore you need to break up or that you need to kiss her ass. That's highschool shit. In fact that's exactly what I told my current gf. "That whole dramatic stuff and bailing out at the first sign of trouble is all highschool shit." You have to downplay and stick it out man. Women are emotional creatures, you know that. You have to look at it like "Damn I probably shouldn't have done/said that. Oh well it's already done. Fuck it."
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    BatMan,

    As it applies to the situation, you handled everything correctly and your advice is sound.

    But is that really the kind of girl you want? Know what I mean?
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  8. #8
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    BatMan,

    As it applies to the situation, you handled everything correctly and your advice is sound.

    But is that really the kind of girl you want? Know what I mean?
    His advice sort of reminds me how of how a couple always fight and then make up like an hour later, lol.

    I guess it could work if know your girl well enough, and that she isn't some sort of crazy paranoid stalker that is waiting for you to mess up somewhere.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    I know what you mean Cody. Some women give you that trust from the beginning. Others just seem to not get over themselves....EVER lol.

    I stuck it out long enough to see her trust me and it was totally worth it. So I guess the only thing I would add is to give yourself a time limit on how long you are willing to put up with her trust issues. If things don't get better then you have to leave. I just got lucky enough to find someone who had very normal trust issues and now we joke about cheating, breaking up and I even tease her about how much of a drama queen she was. The whole thing lasted barely a month so I couldn't see myself dealing with that for 3 or more months.

    We literally had a fake argument through text about her Skyping with a guy (which was her cousin.....apparentl y lol) and she says "This relationship isn't going to work. I am farking pissed." I responded with "Lmao!" She then says "Damn it. How do you know I'm not serious?" " I don't know. 50/50 shot."

    Not saying it works for all women to downplay, but you should at least try it.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  10. #10
    Shakeshi is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Most guys ruin it for the PUAs (Qualification)

    What exactly did you do to mess things up that you consider "minor" ?

    Also some people like to project their issues onto other people.
    This way they can feel like the victim of someone else's
    behavior instead of the perpetrator of their own behavior.
    Being the victim means that they do not have to fix anything
    which leaves them blameless.

    I have met more than a few people who were always ultra paranoid that
    their significant other was cheating on them when in fact they were
    the ones cheating on a constant basis.

    Ask yourself if her trust issues had more to do with her actions
    or the actions of others because if she did indeed dump you
    over nothing then it was her loyalty that should have been in
    question.


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