I am a new poster in these boards and would like to get some advice from the more experienced, as I am facing some big issues in my love life (which is non-existent atm).
I would call myself a typical AFC. My usual mistake is that I am either too direct with women if I happen to like one or am too nice with them and often end up in the FZ (I have lost many occasions this way btw). I have been struggling getting in a new relationship even since I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. Some friend of mine introduced me to PUA several months ago and I have read quite a lot since then. Now that I am conscious of my faults, I try to improve my game and I am getting better
bit by bit.
Since I am only a beginner, I don't aim to f*close right now. I just try to appear confident and am just having fun during social events without worrying about the impression I will make. Truth is that PUA advice has a positive effect, as I get more phone calls and invitations at parties.
There are still many things for me to improve, especially my game. I have a hard time showing my feelings to women from fear of looking ridiculous (used to be very shy before going to college) and suffer from low self-esteem at times (possibly due to the bullying I went through as a kid and the strictness of my parents). I also have trouble using kino as I am not comfortable touching people I have just met or that I do not know that well.
From this point on, I am trying to adapt the teachings of PUA to my own needs. First of all, I am not looking for a ONS but rather for a LTR. In my book, a girl that accepts to sleep with a guy on day 1 (or even the first week for that matter) is a slut and not even worth of my attention. So, I am usually after girls that are girlfriend material and avoid the wild ones like the plague. The girls I usually meet are acquaintances or friends of people I know. I have never truely bothered meeting people outside my social circle as I feel uncomfortable starting up a conversation with a total stranger (at a bar or a club for example). Not that I would have many things in common with them, in my opinion...
When I meet a new girl, I like to take things slow and really get to know the person. The drawback is that attraction has a lifespan and the girl usually loses interest while I am still trying to make my choice or trying to build up comfort (maybe I build too much comfort). My approach (or way of thinking, or however you want to call it) is basically contrary to the principles of PUA where you need to act fast.
Now, I am wondering if there is any solution for my situation? Should I find some middle ground? How can I game a girl on the span of several days/weeks in order to build a genuine/honest relationship?
Another problem I have is that I don't seem to attract women anymore or keep them interested. Maybe that's also a problem that is specific to my social circle as girls seem to high have expectations (not that they shouldn't have, when they hold 2 master degrees and sometimes even a Phd, and earn quite a high income). I am trying to improve my style, the way I dress, my overall fitness, try being funnier, etc but I know it will never be enough. Physically, I would say I am average. My pride is
basically my education, languages and mixed cultural background but that is commonplace in my social circle (I work for an international organisation), so I cannot even shine in this field either. Sometimes, I am thinking I simply don't have it and should just give up and focus on some other part of my life. A big mistake I made last year was to act too eager (or desperate if you want) and I agree it's a huge turn-off (I realized it works both ways btw). This year, I have been acting much
cooler and am just expanding my social circle. So far, I haven't had any special encounter or met a girl that showed the slightest glimpse of interest. Another mistake I make, which I cannot fix yet, is that I am usually quite a serious guy (ya know, the intellectual type that would rather stay at home to read and listen to music than go to a night club) and this might also be a turn-off in the sense that I do not look cool enough or look too nerdy.
Finally, some PUA advice (like kino) look excellent on paper but I have to point out that touching one person is less acceptable depending on the culture. I do remember that in 2 instances (a lithuanian and an austrian), the girls in question did not really like being kissed on their cheeks as a way of greeting, which is odd as it is perfectly acceptable socially where we live (in France).
Any piece of advice would be welcome. Do not hesitate to ask me questions if it would help you better assess what I am lacking.
Many thanks in advance.