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Thread: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

  1. #1
    aeromyth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Hey everyone!

    I am a new poster in these boards and would like to get some advice from the more experienced, as I am facing some big issues in my love life (which is non-existent atm).

    I would call myself a typical AFC. My usual mistake is that I am either too direct with women if I happen to like one or am too nice with them and often end up in the FZ (I have lost many occasions this way btw). I have been struggling getting in a new relationship even since I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. Some friend of mine introduced me to PUA several months ago and I have read quite a lot since then. Now that I am conscious of my faults, I try to improve my game and I am getting better
    bit by bit.

    Since I am only a beginner, I don't aim to f*close right now. I just try to appear confident and am just having fun during social events without worrying about the impression I will make. Truth is that PUA advice has a positive effect, as I get more phone calls and invitations at parties.

    There are still many things for me to improve, especially my game. I have a hard time showing my feelings to women from fear of looking ridiculous (used to be very shy before going to college) and suffer from low self-esteem at times (possibly due to the bullying I went through as a kid and the strictness of my parents). I also have trouble using kino as I am not comfortable touching people I have just met or that I do not know that well.

    From this point on, I am trying to adapt the teachings of PUA to my own needs. First of all, I am not looking for a ONS but rather for a LTR. In my book, a girl that accepts to sleep with a guy on day 1 (or even the first week for that matter) is a slut and not even worth of my attention. So, I am usually after girls that are girlfriend material and avoid the wild ones like the plague. The girls I usually meet are acquaintances or friends of people I know. I have never truely bothered meeting people outside my social circle as I feel uncomfortable starting up a conversation with a total stranger (at a bar or a club for example). Not that I would have many things in common with them, in my opinion...

    When I meet a new girl, I like to take things slow and really get to know the person. The drawback is that attraction has a lifespan and the girl usually loses interest while I am still trying to make my choice or trying to build up comfort (maybe I build too much comfort). My approach (or way of thinking, or however you want to call it) is basically contrary to the principles of PUA where you need to act fast.

    Now, I am wondering if there is any solution for my situation? Should I find some middle ground? How can I game a girl on the span of several days/weeks in order to build a genuine/honest relationship?

    Another problem I have is that I don't seem to attract women anymore or keep them interested. Maybe that's also a problem that is specific to my social circle as girls seem to high have expectations (not that they shouldn't have, when they hold 2 master degrees and sometimes even a Phd, and earn quite a high income). I am trying to improve my style, the way I dress, my overall fitness, try being funnier, etc but I know it will never be enough. Physically, I would say I am average. My pride is

    basically my education, languages and mixed cultural background but that is commonplace in my social circle (I work for an international organisation), so I cannot even shine in this field either. Sometimes, I am thinking I simply don't have it and should just give up and focus on some other part of my life. A big mistake I made last year was to act too eager (or desperate if you want) and I agree it's a huge turn-off (I realized it works both ways btw). This year, I have been acting much
    cooler and am just expanding my social circle. So far, I haven't had any special encounter or met a girl that showed the slightest glimpse of interest. Another mistake I make, which I cannot fix yet, is that I am usually quite a serious guy (ya know, the intellectual type that would rather stay at home to read and listen to music than go to a night club) and this might also be a turn-off in the sense that I do not look cool enough or look too nerdy.

    Finally, some PUA advice (like kino) look excellent on paper but I have to point out that touching one person is less acceptable depending on the culture. I do remember that in 2 instances (a lithuanian and an austrian), the girls in question did not really like being kissed on their cheeks as a way of greeting, which is odd as it is perfectly acceptable socially where we live (in France).

    Any piece of advice would be welcome. Do not hesitate to ask me questions if it would help you better assess what I am lacking.

    Many thanks in advance.

    Cheers.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Get out of Pickup.

    I'm serious. If you want to maintain those ideals, leave here. I come from a ridiculously conservative Christian background and what you speak of, honest to God, is courting.

    You're right. Initial attraction has a shelf life. You can f close MOST girls in less than a week, including "Christian" women. How do I know? Because I've done it. What you're looking for are the exceptions to the rule, of which we are all ultimately looking for the exceptions to the rule, but here in lies the problem: that statistically doesn't fly. There aren't enough girls. That's why we file through thousands.

    Now is a good time for you to get out. You obviously still hold fast to your idealistic romanticism, so stop before you hit scientific truth. Stick to Daygame. Utilize the basics: confidence & tension. Leave, and don't come back unless you're willing to throw it all away.

    Truth is that PUA advice has a positive effect

    A lot of it, yes. But not all. Stay long enough and you'll see how women REALLY work. That's part of the greatness behind women: mystery, so hold on to that. Read David X to see where you can ultimately end up. I love the guy and appreciate him greatly, but his (honest) views are pretty f*cked up and sad when it comes down to it.

    Get good, but not THAT good.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  3. #3
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    don't submerse yourself too deep, what you need to work on will not come from pua, if you are looking to become a more humorous/less serious guy, the places to learn that are you-tube, television, and hanging around funny people. when i first began making a conscious effort to learn how to succeed with wemon (7 years ago in january) i had a rather bland and shy personality, it took me alot of time mirroring guys who were successful with wemon, (though i didn't actualy find pua until 2 years ago) lots of these concepts will work, but only if you are willing to use them. kino was an awekward thing for me to. i didn't realy feel comfortable touching girls until a girlfriend actualy complained that i didn't touch her enough (she was also the girl who took my virginity about a year ago) needless to say i learned to kino real fast do what works for you, and if pua contradicts your views too much or if you want to imagine that true love actualy exists then now would be the best time to leave. if your staying we are here to help as best as we can

  4. #4
    HiDef is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    True love exists. It's just not magical and perfect like we are raised to believe. It's built into us. It's just another mechanism for survival. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will become free. You don't need to destroy the joy that love brings. Just understand it and accept it for what it really is.

    It's not necessary to sleep with many women, or have multiple relationships at once or in a series. You need to find your goals and desires and approach them properly. The Venusian Arts aren't about getting laid all the time just like Martial Arts aren't about picking fights everywhere you go. They're about making you into a better person. About being the best version of yourself.

  5. #5
    aeromyth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Thanks for your input everyone!

    Wow, interesting replies ( not that I expected them to go in that direction).

    Well, I have no illusions that love like the one depicted in the media does not exist. I am also fully aware that women are fooling with us, men, and are constantly playing mind games. I have actually become quite vigilant and look out for shit tests. I am also now trying to assume an alpha male behavior, as suggested in every PUA advice, so as to not put up with that shit anymore.

    Basically the only things I will not use PUA for is doing ONS and seriously dating multiple women at the same time (if there is no LTR involved, multiple dating is ok though; chicks do that all the time). For the rest, it is very useful advice and I will keep on reading, so don't be afraid of spoiling the image of women, because it has already been spoilt by my own experiences. Women are no angels

    My main problem is that I can't seem to get any interest from women at all these days. Maybe this is also due to the fact that I do not meet a bunch of new people every week, which would normally increase my chances. I mean, out of 100 women I meet, I should probably be able to attract a least 1 of them. The problem is that I don't meet a 100 women, lol...

    Another issue is that I may have to lower my standards. What I mean is that I should stop waiting to fall in love with a girl (or at least to really like her from the start) and just settle with any one that looks ok and seems interested. For example, there's this girl that contacted me out of the blues after a couple of years and who appears to want to hang together with me. The question is that I don't even know if I am attracted to her (she's not my type physically speaking, even though she seems like a very nice and calm person which should normally qualify her as girlfriend material). I hate the idea of dating someone just to avoid being alone. I have enough hobbies to keep me occupied, so I wouldn't go out of my way to date someone I am not infatuated with.

    Sigh, I am still trying to figure what is the best thing for me...

    Nevertheless, PUA is useful as it clearly pointed out the mistakes to avoid when approaching women (which, unsurprisingly, I kept doing over and over again). Now that I am more aware, I am more careful in my interactions and I realise that I have more impact than before (yet I haven't reached the point yet where I can appear attractive to women).
    I need to practice more with the techniques I can read here. For example, I find the cube routine to be an amzing concept in order to build comfort!

    Keep the advice coming!
    Cheers.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    My main problem is that I can't seem to get any interest from women at all these days. Maybe this is also due to the fact that I do not meet a bunch of new people every week, which would normally increase my chances. I mean, out of 100 women I meet, I should probably be able to attract a least 1 of them. The problem is that I don't meet a 100 women, lol...

    if you want to rapidly excellerate your learning curve, you will have to meet alot more wemon than you are, even if that just means meeting two new wemon a week. it realy is a numbers game, the more wemon you meet, the more wemon you'll n-close, the more wemon you'll date. you will probably strike out alot like you said, but i think you'll get some dates before you hit the 100's mark just remember, like in baseball, the players who hit the most home runs are also the players who get the most strike-outs, rejection is the key to sexual prosperity.




  7. #7
    aeromyth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Yes, you are right. But the problem is that if you start chatting with a random girl, it's pretty obvious what you are after (and they are quite used to being approached). Take the gym for example: there are several HB7s that don't speak to anyone and just focus on their workout. Sometimes, they come in pairs. How the hell do you start up a conversation with these people without looking weird or a womaniser? The girls I usually get to meet is through my friends and then conversations occur more naturally.

    Btw, I gave some more thought about my situation and I have to say it's not totally true when I say I don't attract women at all. I do remember that, for instance, whevener I go to the office wearing my suit (which is rarer these days as I have less meetings than before), I get more looks and smiles from women in the street.

    Another interesting fact I noticed is that humor, no matter how silly, works like a charm on women. I was observing an acquaintance of mine at a party, who can easily claim to be a "natural player". He was basically teasing and throwing jokes (some of the stuff he said was really really stupid and not funny) at every girl, and they would start laughing and blushing. It worked really well for him and I am starting to think that I should take his approach as an example (among others of course).

  8. #8
    HiDef is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Keep in mind that pick-up is mostly about approaching WITHOUT showing interest, or at least not directly. You only show interest after she shows it first. You just have to start a conversation about anything. Yes, they are used to being approached but, how will you be different than all of the other AFCs before you?

    What your friend uses sounds like a good example of cocky funny, and possibly negs. They absolutely work.

    There is plenty of information here on body language, openers, maintaining conversations, demonstrating higher value, cocky funny, negs, teasing, etc. Look it up and use it. Most importantly, stop making excuses and practice.

    What are you so afraid of? The tone in your writing conveys insecurity, fear, and lack of confidence. It's either that, or you just over-analyze things. I think it has more to do with being too analytical. Relax a little. I get the feeling that at times you're too quiet, and at other times you speak too much. Your insecurities then show, and it makes you more anxious. That then causes you to spiral out of control. First work on building a solid frame and fixing your fundamental flaws. Don't just mask them. Then other things will become much easier.

  9. #9
    Shakeshi is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    My advice would be to loosen up a little. Try not to be so judgmental
    or serious all the time. Learn to be amused by stupid stuff sometimes.
    Most women do not enjoy men who act too uptight and proper.
    Not everything has to be intellectual. Remember how much fun
    you had as a child and tap into that spirit once in awhile. You
    will feel more relaxed and carefree, and women will enjoy being
    around you more, even intelligent women.

  10. #10
    aeromyth is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How can I use PUA for my own needs (noob needing help)

    Quote Originally Posted by HiDef View Post
    What are you so afraid of? The tone in your writing conveys insecurity, fear, and lack of confidence. It's either that, or you just over-analyze things. I think it has more to do with being too analytical. Relax a little. I get the feeling that at times you're too quiet, and at other times you speak too much. Your insecurities then show, and it makes you more anxious. That then causes you to spiral out of control. First work on building a solid frame and fixing your fundamental flaws. Don't just mask them. Then other things will become much easier.
    You have actually hit the nail on the head: my case is a combination of fear, low self-esteem and over-analysis. The two first most probably come from my constant bullying (even at college - even if it wasn't physical anymore) and the latter comes from me being a perfectionist. Yeah, I know, I am pretty messed up. Curiously, at work, I am pretty confident and display a whole different personality. It's with women that I cannot fully shine...

    You are also right by saying that sometimes I am very silent (usually processing the information around me) and other times I get all chatty but usually mess things up as I am trying too hard to look and act cool.

    I will need to work on a few routines and try to not look too eager/pathetic/anxious. I admit this is less the case nowadays. It's just, as Shakeshi has pointed out, that I am too serious and uptight and don't get all touchy with other people. That's probably my main issue. I ease up with a few drinks though, lol


    There was an interesting development today. There's this chick at work (she works in a different department and different building though), whom I know from college and that seems to show some interest. I saw her at an alumni drink 3 weeks ago. One week later, she asks me if I want to join her at a friend's party and I accepted. It was a nice night: we chatted and laughed a lot, she told me she broke up with her bf and, on the way back, she even insisted to pay the cab when I took out my wallet, lol (I got out first as my place was closer). Today, basically 10 days after our last meeting, she writes an email where she asks me if I wanted to go to a concert with her. She mentioned something about having also invited a common friend of ours (which I seriously doubt as they were never really close - I just happen to know the guy better) but that he didn't reply to her yet, and that I can bring other people too if I want. I didn't reply to her yet as it was late in the evening when I got the email and I didn't want to look desperate. Know let's see how this works out... Hopefully, it will be just the 2 of us. I know the girl as we used to live in the same residence. She's a HB8 with quite some experience already. All the guys are falling for her but I never liked her "daddy's spoiled princess" attitude. Maybe she has changed though...

    Btw, I am still trying to figure out the concept of "neggin". I have to admit that there's a very thin line between teasing and being insulting. How does one use neggin' while building attraction/comfort? For example, the girl I mentioned above went to a german school before going to college. I always assumed she attended a french school as she studied in France later on, and I plan to ask her questions on that. If one wanted to use neggin, how would he do it in that instance? Could one say something like "oh, that's where you got the coldness of germans?" and then rebound by saying "oh, but the french seem to have taught you a thing or two, right?" ?



    Thanks again for all the advice. No matter how hard it is for me to face the truth, I have to wake up and change!


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