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  1. #1
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Hey guys, new to the forums but have been using Pandora's Box for a while, have quite the Seductress on my hands (TJR). She is very open with discussing her other suitors with me, and I know she loves the attention having just come out of a bad long term relationship breakup.

    Now for the backstory, we met through some mutual friends while drinking when I was on vacation. Hit it off, had chemistry from the start. Made out some that night, but she ended up getting sick and I went home with another girl. She immediately started texting me the following day, and we have been doing so pretty much non-stop for the last 4 months. (we live 4000 miles apart...for now.) Found out we have a ton in common, lots of sexual talk and tension, great conversation about work as well. Make a deal to keep it casual.

    2 Months after meeting she invites me on a short weekend vacation with her, and I oblige. We have an incredible time together, and the sex as expected turns out to be fantastic. Things start to get more intense. We schedule a follow-up visit for this weekend, both trying to keep things very casual, but feelings start creeping in and being discussed on both sides. Still lots of sex talk, but the feelings chit chat starts to get super intense. Ive been overly nice to her, although I knew it was a mistake (lots of compliments, small but thoughtful gifts, etc.). She shows up this weekend and is pretty jetlagged from her day of travelling, and she is cold by nature of course (in person at least) being a Seductress, I don't think too much of it. We have sex later in the night and again, fantastic (Think simultaneous orgasm). The next day I notice she's a little distant and not interested in sex (ie. making excuses). I call her out on it and she tells me that she doesn't want to anymore because she is a girl and doesn't want to get attached, she is "self-preserving" so no one gets hurt when we see other people. (Spoiler alert: She is moving into my place next week with the aforementioned mutual friends, something that was in the works before we had ever met). I continue to play it cool all weekend, acting unphased by it and continuing to have fun except for one slipup. While out socializing I notice her on her phone texting and visibly upset. I lean in and let her know I wasn't impressed by that, and she attempted to warm up to me and hold my hand which I refused.

    It was a little awkward of course, but I'm quite confident that if I push the issue and try to discuss it again it will totally turn her off. She texted me when she got home and I played it cool, keeping it brief for a couple of messages and then ignoring her. After not responding she posts on my Facebook wall thanking me for a great weekend. (I assume to keep me orbiting and mark territory at the same time).

    Any ideas of where to go next? I'll have no issue playing it cool and talking to her in ways a Seductress likes (ie. appealing to the career-centred independant woman) but I am a little hesitant to mention anything sexual after that conversation. It's only been a few months and although non-commital we both acknowledge there's something good here, that I'd like to continue to pursue.

    Thanks in advance! Look forward to participating in these forums, have had a lot of personal experiences both good and bad over the last decade or so (Surprisingly most starting successfully and ending terribly, I'm a good closer but seemingly terrible at keeping them interested long-term)

  2. #2
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Should also mention that just last week I mentioned to her that I was thinking about cutting it off as I didn't want to get attached myself, she basically talked me out of it with a lot of discussion about the future and giving it a try. Then she turned the tables on it this weekend. Frustrating lol

  3. #3
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Update from today, she texted me first thing in the morning and I ignored it. A few hours later she asked me if I hated her and I said no but I was busy with work. Teased her a few times and kept it brief (3-4 msgs) and ignored her again. She texted me a few times throughout the day, and then about 4 hours later called me. Conveniently my work phone rang as she did and I answered it, she told me she just wanted to make sure I didn't hate her but I sounded busy and would let me go and talk to me later and I said "sounds good, k bye". I'm thinking tonight I'll msg her back but keep it brief and go do something, see where it goes tomorrow.

  4. #4
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Just an update, the freeze out seems to be working. I have been texting back when she messages me but certainly not to the extent that I was when things were good. This morning we had a brief conversation, and a few hours later she texted me saying she had drove past the place we met and it was romantic. I came back with "Oh is that what you'd call it?" and she said "Yes...absolutely... I miss you"

    I played it cool and said "weve been chatting!" and she asked me to go back to the way things were. I told her I'd been busy and she should probably go concentrate on what she was doing. That was the last I've heard from her. She will definitely msg or call me later, I'm just going to keep freezing out and playing it cool for now, should drive her crazy by the next time I see her in person next weekend.

  5. #5
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Hasn't been a lot of input but I want to continue to do some PBP so anyone in similar situations can see how I succeed or fail almost in real time. Important to remember that I am also working text/IM game on two other very different girls at the same time, so this isn't a one-itis thing but the Seductress type I find the most intriguing.

    So after a few days of push/pull and freeze out she finally calls me last night and starts looking for some validation or positivity from me. I tease her abit, we laugh a lot, and I let her go.

    Again first thing this morning she texts me and I wait about 4 hours to reply, general chit chat. She calls me a couple of times during the day and I chat briefly but come up with an excuse to go. I throw in a couple of pulls via text as well. After a few hours I sense she is starting to get discouraged so I jump into action. Below is a loose transcript:

    Her: Hmmph
    Me: Why are you Hmmphing
    Her: No...it's nothing
    Me: Dont lie to me
    Her: No...
    Me: Ok...
    Her: No point. Its fine. I'll stop being overly girly soon.
    Me: I'm trying to give you an opportunity to vent here
    Her: I cannot vent to you anymore!! Just lonely so thank you for the company
    Me: Why can't you vent to me?
    Her: You know why
    Me: No really I don't
    Her: I just hate how hot and cold I am with you. I don't get it and I'm super frustrated
    Me: I'd say pick one and go with it but you're in a cold mood now so that would be biased
    Her: I wouldn't be ready to pick one yet
    Me: This convo is a microcosm of our friendship, I've been busy and you wanted to chat and when I have time you shut down
    Her: That is far too true...but I will say this...
    Her: I've had (and will have) a lot of time to think about last weekend and...I just feel awful. And I can't tell if it's because I didn't mean it, or I'm just afraid it's going to change us. Which obviously it will...But will it be in a way I'm ok with? I dont know. You came out of nowhere. And so did my feelings for you, and I don't know what I want or can do about it.
    (I didn't text back immediately)
    Her: Oh boy...no response
    Me: Just trying to choose my words carefully
    Her: Oh I dont like that either
    Her: This is taking a very long time, I am nervous
    Me: You'll figure it out. I was having the same inner turmoil because of how fast you came into the picture. But me, I'm a risk taker. When I have a flame I usually throw gas on it.
    Her: Well I don't like being the usual, I think thats why I backed away
    Me: What do you mean by that?
    Her: I never react how people expect, or how I think I'm going to. Especially lately because I'm so protective of myself. But it only causes conflict because I am so forward by nature.
    Me: Your reaction definitely wasn't the usual
    Her: I sort of like that though, keep you on your toes.
    Me: You would
    Her: Internal struggle daily
    Me: I gotta go...drive safe weirdo

    Figured I'll leave it there and see what she comes back with tomorrow. I'm drinking tonight with friends so I'm hoping I don't drunk-dial or text her. I don't want to try to influence her to warm up to me, I think that would make her take the cold route, so I'm leaving it alone but throwing in a few pulls indirectly. She is admittedly lonely right now though so if I casually call her to be the source of some comfort that might not necessarily work against me. I'm trying to maintain some contact just so I'm fresh in her mind and doesn't have the opportunity to justify my absence in her head. Any suggestions on the next step? Or just keep doing what I'm doing?

  6. #6
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    LockDown is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    I think no one's commenting because u r doing fine. If a seductress cant figure u out, then u seem to be doing your job lol.

    Also, u fclosed so you've had that upper hand for awhile. She really doesnt have that power over u like she has with other men.

    Maybe i missed it but what do u want from her? Fbuddy? LTR? U have to know where u want to take this. Guys work better when they set clear goals.

    Oh and also, this might be better as like a field report or something cuz u dont really have an issue right now, u just want suggestions on what to do next. Have some confidence man!
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  7. #7
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Good point, I guess I was just looking for a second opinion as the Seductress can be such a tough nut to crack, the withholding of sex from such a sexual person really threw me for a loop though.

    We started under the pretence of Fbuddys, but then feelings crept in from both sides. Our mutual friends that set us up did so under the pretense that we would be marriage material for each other. Not there yet, but there is definitely LTR potential.

    Just gonna keep doing what I'm doing, mods if possible can you move this to Field Reports? Wouldn't mind updating this periodically as a FR for anyone who might find themselves tangled in the web of a Seductress lol

  8. #8
    Prodigy84 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    FR update...

    Saturday night I called her, was slightly drunk but nothing serious. She must have contracted verbal diarrhea because she told me everything. How I had said so much positive stuff that made her think, and then when I took it back (drunkdialed her, confessed my love, then blamed the alcohol a couple of weeks ago) she was so excited that she felt I had left her out there alone. She hates how hot and cold she is with me, that I came out of nowhere and so did her feelings, and she's not ready to like somebody this much and doesn't know what to do. She explained that she's had fun with other guys but then shut it down when feelings started to get involved, and she can't do that with me. She kept saying "But you don't want me to be your girlfriend" to which I replied "Not right now". She then said she fully understands me hooking up with other girls and hates to admit it but it will hurt her, and she implied that she knows she will get her chance eventually.

    Decided to switch it up a bit, yesterday I chatted with her like normal, and we had some good convo. I called her last night to keep her company on her road trip and we chatted for two hours, it was a very fun conversation. She texted me directly after saying "Great chat " and I teased her a bit and then went to bed.

    This morning she msged me a good morning text immediately, I replied "Oh hey there" and she said "word homie", we had a brief chat and I told her to drive safe to which she replied "will do my friend". What I'm thinking is that she felt close to me again last night and is trying to suppress it again. I'm going to go back to freeze out mode for the next few days until she warms up again.

  9. #9
    drave is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    Oh my...man this is like reading my personal diary... apparently both of us have fallen for the unpredictable Seductress. For me one the most attractive part of her is her intelligence, I know she is smart as fu** and it really turns me on.

    I agree with you that Seductress is such a tough nut to crack...probably hardest one. I haven't dated all the types, but I have been in LTR with NJR and now I'm trying to get on with connoisseur and man it's such a smooth sail in comparison with seductress. The most important thing I would say with seductress is to find a balance to not trigger "needy alarm" and simultaneously not to make her think you doesn't care. For me - personally I have to be cold or freeze out more times than I would like, but apparently she digs that. Just not to overdo it. Moreover being hot and than cold is very usual trait for seductress as well

    Do you have any more FR when it comes to seductress? I would love to hear more, your texts helped me immensely man

  10. #10
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    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Messed it up with a seductress...need to flip the script

    From what i read in my opinion you're doing great and making sure not to her pet she can call up anytime she wants. You got to decide what you want from this girl and make that your objective. If she doesn't want that then you can cut her off . You just got to make sure you have a clear objective of what you want and not afraid to cut her off.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!


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