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  • 1 Post By T-Mal
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Thread: Possible to "Over-banter?"

  1. #1
    cheebamaster is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Possible to "Over-banter?"

    I find myself in a unique spot...I'm very good at the Cocky comedy routines/disqualifier/dhv spikes/negs etc....I don't see to have an "off" button for myself and feel as if I overdo it sometimes.

    When I meet a girl I'll turn the bantering up a ridiculous amount and when I'm texting I tend to keep the whole vibe going...it's alomst part of my personality to act like this but I feel like it's a crutch.

    Either the girl plays into my banter and the conversation literally becomes a ridiculous "push-pull" session between the two of us and then when we meet the same "banter game" continues every time we hang out and I end up not getting anywhere

    I guess another way to explain it is that I'm stuck in the "flirting" stage indefinitely and can't get out but I get amazing "flirt" results haha

    I've literally become friend-zoned with girls who view me as an amazing flirt but nothing more

    I've tried to incorporate more rapport/comfort building but then the girl gets confused when I try to actually "connect" with her because it appears inconsistent and she's wondering why I'm not continuing to bust her balls.

    Hope this makes sense

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    I definitely understand where you're coming from.
    The transition from flirting to rapport can be tricky at first.

    You want to flirt & banter enough to build attraction & establish yourself as someone who doesn't belong in the friend zone.

    But once you know there's a degree of attraction, you want to start connecting & building rapport; so it's important to dial back the teasing & bantering in this stage.

    Also- building real, deep rapport has nothing to do with "finding things in common".
    It's about making emotional connections with each other.

    It's when you're both expressing your feelings about things, & sharing memories that invoke personal emotional reactions. (Like telling a story about when you were a kid & had some event that you remember. And now that you're older, whenever you have the same experience, it makes you feel kinda like you did back then.)

    Those types of meaningful conversations will help you build comfort & rapport.

    It's definitely easy to overboard with the teasing & razzing in that flirting stage when you don't know when (or how) to move to the next stage.

    But a great way to discover that "right time" is to pay attention to her signals & whether or not she's giving you indicators of being attracted.

    If she IS, then start tapering back & leading the flow into the rapport stage.


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  3. #3
    cheebamaster is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    Thanks T-Mal wise words as always....Yeah I've definitely been WAAAY overdoing it then...I continue to banter even after she starts qualifying herself and it's obvious that attraction is definitely there...

    One more thing though....say you meet a girl at a bar and there's definitely attraction and you've been teasing/bantering with her and you get her number and continue it over text. She's attracted to you and agrees to go on a date..When you meet up on the date do you continue your flirting/bantering if she's already giving you major IOI's or do you try to back off of it and build rapport/kino

    I guess I'm having a hard time understanding exactly when to start cutting back...and thanks to you my text/online game went from average to INSANE so I actually really enjoy text game now it's my finest asset. I've actually found roleplaying to be the strongest form of attraction building in my experience

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    Dam. Mine's not as eloquent as T-Mal lol here are some kino ideas
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-pick-up...html#post63332
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-seduce-...s-list-em.html

    Also experiment with raising the sexual tension (getting her thinking about sex). Whether it's by jokingly sexualizing her (a neg or IOI from you) or if it's talking about sex unapologetically as part of your life or if it's just dropping little words here and there (using "I feel..." instead of "I think..." using verbs like "stimulate" / "arouse interest" instead of verbs like "trigger" and "get attention")

    Making it sexual (while maintaining frame and without seeming to chase her) will help prevent friendzoning
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    Autismus made a great point!!
    When you're building deep rapport, always talk from the "I" perspective, not the "you" perspective.

    Example:
    "Whenever I visit the park I can still remember being a little kid; running around, playing on the slide & swings... and it always reminds me of being younger & more imaginative..."

    If you were to say: "You know when you go to the park, & you see the slide & swings, and it makes you remember being a little kid running around having fun....?" etc... It's not going to be effective; because, instead of building that emotional connection, the other person is going to be preoccupied thinking to him or herself, "Do I really feel like that?" or "No, I really don't know what you mean".

    But as far as building attraction with texts before you go out on a "date"? And what do you do about flirting / bantering?

    For me, I approached it with a combination of flirting & rapport. The attraction is there, so I'm more complimentary flirty at this point. But I WILl throw in a little bit of teasing bantering every now & then. (Maybe 2-3 times in an hour)

    But my focus is on establishing rapport & introducing a little bit of seduction. So I'll be very "touchy" & more sensual. I'll be a bit more "sweet & charming".

    Then toss in a little tease/bantering again, & repeat.

    But I definitely start escalating when I know she's hooked, & I clearly express my interest in her.



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  6. #6
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    What you do is not uncommon. I'd say that most guys struggle with this problem, and that is stalling out in one of the phases. Pickup is an accelerating car. Unless you shift you're going to blow out. It doesn't matter what stage your in; if you stay there too long she'll grow tired. I can most easily explain it as such:

    If you have her attention, stop trying to grab her attention.

    If you have built attraction, stop trying to build attraction.

    If you have rapport, stop trying to build rapport.

    Capture, Attract, Rapport, Seduce. That's The Blueprint. You gotta keep it moving.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  7. #7
    cheebamaster is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Possible to "Over-banter?"

    Thanks all,

    I took each one of your suggestions and applied them

    T-Mal - I started using flirting with rapport
    Autismus - Found something sexual and incorporated that into our text convo tongite (worked like a charm)
    Cody - Thanks for putting it so clearly...I don't think this will be a big sticking point for me I just needed clarification. I can DO everything else just fine, I was just unsure of "when"


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