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  • 1 Post By sidewinder89

Thread: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

  1. #1
    Gwalchgwyn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    I've posted this in the Seduction forum but havent had any answers, so im trying here.

    Now i've always been extremely lucky with women and have never really had to try to get attention from women. I've been told numerous times by different women that i'm very attractive or theres something indescribable about me they like that. I am however a virgin at 20 years old as i'm very picky, never really been places where there are girls i can get to know (like a workplace, classes, tutorials etc...), and want to lose my virginity to someone i actually know, as I don't like the idea of pulling someone in a club and embarrassing myself when i get her home.

    Theres this girl i've liked for far too long now. I've been interested in her for almost 3 years now. Shes 21, virgin and never had a boyfriend in her life.
    We used to be in school together but never really talked to each other and were in the same sort of group of friends, so we, and all my other friends stayed in contact with each other when we went off to uni.
    After the christmas holidays we went clubbing and i think she took a shine to me for some reason. She tried to kiss me when i wasn't expecting and sort of shrugged her off by accident. Nothing really happened afterwards.
    I started to notice her alot of after that, but couldn't really do anything as she lived at uni over 100 miles away. Whenever we got together with our little group of friends we'd always end up hanging out together and just talking to each other all night. I realized she was literally like a female version of me and i suddenly found her extremely attractive.
    We ended up planning a whole summer doing festivals together. She invited me over her house a few times so i could teach her guitar but i think a lack of experience on both our sides meant that nothing escalated and i literally ended up just teaching her guitar for two hours before we both gave a somewhat awkward and anti-climactic goodbye to each other.
    Things just died down for a while after that and i figured "plenty more fish in the sea blah blah blah" and just tried to forget about her, and found i was thinking about her less and less.
    We still stayed in occasional contact because of our whole friend group thing where we'd all meet up when we were home from uni. She seemed really impressed and intrigued when i got a new job working at a cocktail bar (i would do all the flair and bar tricks, and make fancy cocktails at parties) and i think she found me alot more attractive as i lost weight and was generally fitter, due to my job. My feelings for her sort of rekindled and we were back to square one - we were texting back and forth most days but nothing could really happen as she lived 100 miles away normally. We'd occasionally spend days out together shopping - mostly initiated by me, and she rarely let me down (when she did, she had genuine excuses). She had also been stringing along a few other guys too but i don't know if shes doing it to make me jealous, or stringing me along to make these other guys jealous. I think she just likes the attention to be honest.
    I texted her best friend telling her i really liked her and if she would find out if she was interested in me, but she just said that she thinks she sees me as a friend only, but she does talk to her friends about me alot saying that she "always has a good time" when shes with me. I sent her flowers for valentines day thinking that she'd get the message, and her response would answer my question. I didn't get any response from her so i text her asking if she got them and she just text me back saying they were "lovely and are on the kitchen table in a vase". I assumed she didn't feel anything for me so i just shut up shop and tried to forget her.
    The next summer she won VIP tickets to a festival and wanted me to go with her. She also invited her female friend to join us as tbh, it would of been a bit sh1tty just the two of us. She also wanted me to apply for a temporary job with her over the summer and i agreed, as it was ridiculously good money. We didn't talk much other than just to pass information to each other as i just couldn't be arsed with her romantically - i'd have more chance trying to date a brick wall.

    I've purely coincidentally moved to a town 40-50 miles away from her (an hour on the train) to study music (something we both have great passion for) and have been focusing purely on getting a decent career and making contacts. I've done a fair bit of networking since i've moved here and have put a lot of irons in my fire.
    I've come back home with my parents for a few days to sort some stuff out, and she was also back from some holiday so we agreed to meet up and have a drink. She seemed impressed when i was telling her what i was doing and i suggested she take me out shopping. She agreed and said to come clubbing with her and stay the night (on a sofa), to which i agreed but tbh i really don't know what the fark is going on in her head. Sometimes i think she thinks im like her gay best friend or something, other times i think she sees me as boyfriend material. Her father also died when she was younger - i asked her best friend about him and she said she rarely ever speaks about him. I don't want to sound crude but i think i must remind her of him or something or she must just feel that trusted in me that she does open up and talk alot to me about something that mustve of been a very upsetting part of her life. From what i've heard she didn't really talk to her father much as her parents split up, but she thinks like him and follows his way and attitude to life.

    I want to try escalating things with her but have no idea how. I did over the summer that we went to the festivals, as we spent a lot of time together and were getting playful-touchy-feely towards the end. I'm generally very confident and find flirting and escalation easy with everyone except her. I just don't know what it is. To me, it feels like we both want each other equally, but don't want to risk escalating things and losing the other so we've just stagnated as "friends" but have both remained single in the hope something happens between us.

    Why hasn't anyone invented a mind-reading machine yet?



    TL;DL:
    I didn't like girl
    girl liked me
    girl didn't like me
    I liked girl
    I tried not liking girl
    Girl dragged me back in again
    Dragged back in
    Friendzoned
    Escaped friendzone
    Girl likes me again
    Not interested
    Girl doesn't like me
    I like girl.
    Forget about girl
    Get dragged back in
    Friendzoned
    Escaped friendzone
    I think girl likes me again but not sure.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    Sometimes in situations like this where you've known someone for a long time, the best approach is to be laser-direct.

    Just talk to her next time you see her & say, "OK, let's cut the crap... I'm interested in you as more than 'just friends'. So, I'm going to count to 3... & then I'm going to kiss you.... 1.... 2....3"

    *Kiss.

    You can't be timid or shy when you say it & do it.

    Picture a guy who would be the "leading man" in a movie... think about how he would do it with confidence & completely straight forward.

    Girls LOVE the idea of a man coming in & taking control of a situation & acting on the opportunity, rather than being unsure & too scared to make a move.

    Trust me; a girl will respect you MORE for being bold & taking action, than they will for playing it safe.

    She'll forgive you for pushing the boundaries & maybe over-doing a bit... but she won't forgive you for wussing out.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    Gwalchgwyn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    I know two guys have tried something similar with her, albeit by text - which is just stupid. Makes you look like a coward and theres not much that can happen from that anyway other than alienating yourself. She did get an in-person admission from her friends boyfriend that he wanted her but she slapped him and shot him down.
    I'm just worried that she'll hate me for it. Is it worth just getting some dutch courage in my when we go clubbing and just try to kiss her while dancing?

  4. #4
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    I agree,

    You are suffering from a bit of one-itus here. There are others don't worry.

    I do sympathize because I've also had it. Take T-Mals advice. And do it face to face.

    I told one of my closest friends that "enough is enough, we flirt like mad and its bloody obvious I want more than what we have. I then just lent in and went for it." my first k-close.

    sounds romantic... it was outside a petrol station at 3 am where a tramp was vomiting about 10 metres away. still worked : ).

    It didn't last but either way you are better off knowing. Then you can invest or stop wasting time. Btw I broke up with this girl after 6 months. She's still one of my best friends and is even in my profile picture for pof!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    Texting is a GREAT communication tool... but there ARE some things that should be done in-person.

    The only way out of the friend zone, is to risk losing her as a friend. (Although most of the time, real friends are still friends, even if the gamble doesn't pay out.)

    But you have to state your intent & interest. There are other ways you could approach this, but when it's someone you've known for a really long time, & there have been lots of indicators that you're both interested; then being straight to the point is usually the most effective.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    Gwalchgwyn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    She told me she loves me, but only as a friend.

    What the fuck do i do now?
    I'm in pieces.

    Shes going to end up with this fucking douche who fucked her best friend 5 times even though he was apparently into her and i can't fuckin handle it. I feel like just chopping my fucking balls off.

  7. #7
    beaker52 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Don't know how to escalate with this girl i've liked since forever.

    Dude. Get that fucking pussy off that pedestal. That's your fucking pedestal.

    This HB isn't worth the sweat. If you think she is, you need to change that attitude.

    You are Frustrated. You can go sarge for HB's on any highstreet/mall/campus/bar/club right now. "I am frustrated by one HB but there is an abundance of HB that I'm completely ignoring" == chump. Being a Frustrated Chump is Average.

    She is a misguided HB who is missing out. Sobbing/pining/begging will only drive her further away. Be badass, sarge away.

    Lions don't hunt in their fucking back yard. They go find herds and keep trying to nail their prey until they finally take one down. Then they wash, rinse and repeat. They don't sob over a carcass, or the one that got away.

    You need to change your attitude towards her.


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